Customer Reviews

The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, Revised and Expanded Edition

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I was excited when I saw the title of this book. For years I had been disappointed to see that the mass media never seemed to take into account that a person who is coming out in a marriage could be bisexual. I hoped this book would be different, but it was not. If there was a reference to bisexuality in this book, I could not find it. I certainly hope that someone can prove me wrong. The message I read, however, was "wives, don't event attempt to save your marraige. It is over, there is no way your husband will ever be interested in you." This book leaves absolutely no possibility that a man might actually love and sexually desire his wife, but still struggle with being attracted to other men. I have heard others who have reported having the same reaction to reading this book - it lacks a true bisexual perspective. I would look forward to another book by Ms. Pierce Buxton on this subject that allows for the possibility that the person coming out might be bisexual.

This book concentrates on how the coming out process affects the straight spouse, which is often forgotten when the homosexual partner is going through the trauma of the coming out process. If you are in this situation you will be shocked at how similar the stories in the book are to your own story! It deals with moral issues, parental issues, self-confidence issues, sexuality issues, and much more. If you are married to (or suspect you are married to) a homosexual person of either sex, this is a must read, whether or not you decide to stay in the marriage. Thank you Dr. Buxton for writing this book!

This book turned my head around like hundreds of hours of therapy couldn't do... saved me thousands of dollars on anti-depressants. Thank you, Amity Pierce Buxton! This book is the ultimate resource for the spouse who finds their husband/wife is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Finally, someone acknowledges the pain, the confusion, the guilt, the incredible blows to self-esteem that happen to the spouse of someone with sexual-orientation issues.... I am so glad I found this book... Until the moment I discovered it, I thought the failure of my marriage to a bisexual was my fault, and that just one more therapist or self-help book could turn things around. With this book, I found out that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't alone, and that life could go on for me. Life changed immediately. Buy it... join the Straight Spouse Network... take charge of your life again.

I was devistated when my wife of 6 years (we'd been together for 12 years) told me early one morning that she was gay, she had beeen having an affair with a woman and that she was leaving me. Unfortunately, there wasn't anyone I could turn to to ask the right questions. This book helped me through the first week of my 'new life' (suddenly a single man) gave me the strength to abandon my desire to try and win my wife back.

I have since leant it to my mum and dad, brother and sister. It's helped answer my family's questions -- if she was gay, then why did she marry?

I would heartily reccommend this to anyone who has just had their spouse come out.

This book was recommended to me and I reluctantly bought it - then I couldn't put it down. I kept writing 'YES" in the margins. If you are a straight spouse, you need this book to help guide you through the emotions and difficulties you are facing. You will realize that you are not alone. It was a godsend. Thank you, Dr. Buxton!

I ran out and grabbed this book when my husband told me he thought he was bisexual and it was a great help. Learning that my husband may be bisexual was devistating and this book helped me prepare for the emotions I would be feeling. It also helped my husband understand my emotions. This book helped us both and to date, we are still together.

No one ever expects to hear the words I heard my husband of 11 years say when he sat me down last January and told me he was gay. We had been together for nearly 16 years and have two young children. I was devistated. I went through (and am still going through) extreme emotional rollercoaster girations that left me dizzy. I felt every emotion nearly everyday. I didn't know which way was up. I didn't know what to do, who to talk to, who to trust. Trust was the first thing I started challenging in my day to day life. Friends, family, coworkers... any one I met I wondered if they too were lying to me. It was a destructive mind set that I eventually, through the help of counseling, got over. Like the book mentions, there is a moment when the strait spouse feels they've been pushed into the closet. Hiding what they know from everyone, pretending things are normal. Having been there, I can attest that that was a very scary time and this book did help me get through that and helped me rescue myself from the closet. 8 months later, I'm in my own house, feeling the freedom to have my own routine, getting on with my life, and we're divorsed but still friends. Most importantly, we're both happier now that we have been for several years. The kids have come first through this whole ordeal and we have managed to keep them on track that there is no shame in who their father is. We still do things as a family, after all, we got divorced from each other not the kids. we even do things as a big happy family with my ex and his partner. The kids seem to have adjusted pretty well so far, but I know the road is long and we've just started the journey.
If anyone is just starting this journey or is having difficulty with a similar situation, I strongly urge you to get this book AND seek counseling. This book helped both of us understand what the other was going through. It will help you. And you will heal over time. Good Luck.

I found this book shortly after my husband of 13 years told me he was gay. This book helped me to process what was happening to me, and to realize that although I felt as if I were the only person on earth dealing with such a situation, I wasn't alone. I cannot recommend this book strongly enough.

I run a support group for straight spouses and this book is the first thing I recommend. The most realistic, honest, outlook. Spouses going through a coming out need to know that they can get through this and be happy. People need to know that they are not the only ones in the world that this has happen too. Thank you Amity for giving us this book.

My ex and I were married for 15 years. He never came out. Still insists he's not gay and that I am crazy and vindictive. But I knew he was gay at the end of our marriage. For several years I thought I was the only person this happened to. After reading this book, I found that there are so many circumstances in which these marriages happen, and it was like reading my own story in some places. I learned that this wasn't just a fluke, and it wasn't just me - there are patterns here that I recognized.

I also learned that the whole drama of coming out or staying in the closet is not just up to the homosexual when a straight spouse and family are also involved.

I have been coming out of his closet for a long time. This book was the start. The straight spouse network also really helped me, and continues to help me. The resources in this book are invaluable for anyone who is just starting to deal with this, and for those of us who have been dealing with these family situations for a while.