Publication Date: May 1, 2007 | Age Range: 5 and up | Lexile Measure: 540L (What's this?)
Alexandra and Jenny have been best friends for a long time. But when Alexandra is momentarily dazzled by the glamour of a new girl at school, she's willing to do almost anything to get to be the cool girl's friend. Ultimately, she tells Jenny's biggest, most important secret--and just like that, Alexandra is in! But when Alexandra realizes what it feels like to lose her best friend, and sees the hurt she's caused, she knows she has to figure out a way to regain the relationship that's far more important to her than being invited to sit with the popular girls. Our Friendship Rules is both a lyrical story of forgiveness and a simple, sweet but instructive tale of how to get along.
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"... smart life lesson about how to tell a real friendship from a phony one...how to behave like a real friend...equally applicable to boys." -- Kennebec Journal, September 30, 2007
"...realistic...engaging...friendship is something that you need to work at...illustrations are created with an engaging mix of pencil drawings, paintings and collage." -- Puget Sound Council for Reviewing Children's Media, October 2007
"...strong narrative text and collage illustrations...fine reading and provides good material for thoughtful discussion." -- Yellow Brick Road - September/October 2007
"...well-crafted new books for young people...explores quite a different angle of children in groups - taking sides against each other..." -- Bangor Daily News, December 10, 2007
"Friends forever; Children's book stresses the values of true friendship..." -- Brunswick Times Record, August 16, 2007
Gold Medal - Picture Books All Ages -- Moonbeam Award, 2007
From the Publisher
Independent Publisher's First Annual Moonbeam Children's Book Awards: Gold Medal Winner - Picture Book (All Ages)
Award-winning author Peggy Moss worked as a teacher, Assistant Attorney General, and Assistant Director for the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence before beginning her writing career.
Her books are used in homes, schools and agencies around the world to start conversations about friendship and bullying. Schools from Shanghai to Maine have introduced "Say Something" days, created school murals, and developed bullying workshops and theater programs using the book. Former First Lady Barbara Bush chose to read Say Something for her literacy program, and the ADL uses Say Something in its Words That Heal program.
Students have written papers and stories based on both books, including the sequel "Do Something" by 3d graders in Rochester New York, and many readers have sent their own funny, insightful and sweet friendship rules to the author.
Peggy works with students, educators and parents throughout North America. She believes kids are the real experts on bullying and teasing.
How the Books Came to Be:
Peggy wrote Say Something after meeting "Sara" at the end of a workshop on preventing hate violence. Sara was training to become a school nurse, and Peggy had just spent 3 hours talking about the impact of bullying and teasing on kids, and developing strategies to help kids talk about the issues they encountered.
Sara said, "That most painful workshop I've ever experienced." (Which made Peggy think she'd really blown it), but then Sara explained that it was painful in an enlightening way: her own school experience as a nightmare - kids put notes on her back, spread rumors about her, and shifted away so that they wouldn't have to sit next to her on the bus. Sara begged her parents to let her leave that school. Her parents told her to buck up. A few months later, Sara started to injure herself. When her parents realized what was happening they were horrified. They moved.
"But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about," she told Peggy.
"About two weeks ago, a woman walked up to me on the street and said, 'Sara? Sara? Is that you? You look so great!' I had no idea who she was. She just kept talking. 'Sara, I went to high school with you... and I just wanted to say, I always felt so sorry for you in school.' I looked at this woman and I could tell she wanted me to say 'Thanks for feeling sorry for me,' or 'Oh, that's nice.' - but I couldn't say that. All I could think was, 'you never once said 'hi' to me. You never spoke up for me. You never even sat next to me.'
I didn't respond. I just looked at her and turned away."
Say Something is a story about the power of speaking up in your own way. (Which may not include words), because the cost of doing nothing is too high.
Our Friendship Rules is a collaboration between Peggy and her niece, Dee Dee Tardif, who was 14 when they started working on the story. Together, they wanted to write a book that talked about how friendship really feels - that it's sometimes hard and complicated, but it's possible to keep friends even when you mess up. (And let's be honest - everybody messes up sometimes). They wrote the book while Dee Dee was living in Toronto, and Peggy was living in Sri Lanka, and then Freeport, Maine.
You can contact Peggy directly by visiting her site, SaySomethingNow.com Peggy lives with photographer John Beebe and their daughters in Toronto, Canada.
Pitch-perfect, non-preachy, told in an authentic voice with a perfect economy of words, and so very very real, OUR FRIENDSHIP RULES is a seamless marriage of story and picture.
Our narrator, Alexandra, is a visual thinker and a budding artist, so it is perfectly fitting that more than half of this story is told via Imre Geis's crisp and joyful illustrations and crafty-girl collages (many of which allow the reader a peek into Alexandra's notebooks and sketchbooks).
As a career children's bookseller and mother of two, I would personally recommend this book to children from age 5 to 13, as well as to parents, teachers, librarians, and adult friends in need of re-writing their own 'friendship rules.'
The perfect book for kids of all ages. Great way to begin a disscusion about what being a friend means, how to be a good friend and how to deal with hurt feelings. Perfect for home or the classroom . The illustrations bring the story to life.
This is an incredibly beautiful book. It's an amazingly honest rendering of girls' friendships, their strengths and their pitfalls. Most impressively, it is hopeful without being either preachy or saccharine. You will love it!
Written by former hate-violence prosecutor Peggy Moss and ninth grader Dee Dee Tardif, Our Friendship Rules is a children's picturebook about the true value of friendship. Two girls, Alexandra and Jenny, have been best friends for a long time. But when Alexandra is drawn by the allure of a new student, she'll do almost anything to become the cool girl's best friend - even tell Jenny's most private secret. Then she learns what it feels like to lose her best friend, and see the pain she's caused. Can a broken friendship be rebuilt? What are the rules that should govern a friendship? A straightforward story about learning to get along with and respect others, illustrated with distinctive collage-style paintings by Alissa Imre Geis.
As a teacher educator, I've used Peggy Moss' book Say Something to begin important discussions about bullying, teasing and moving beyond being a bystander. Her new book, Our Frienship Rules, will be equally valuable in beginning critical converations about how children treat one another in schools. Using a book to begin this discussion is a fantastic way to initiate the exploration without making any particular individual student uncomfortable ... because we're talking about a book. But then, of course, personal stories flow forward, and soon we are all engaged in the challenging but vital work of making schools safe for all students. Highly recommended to all teachers, counselors and other youth workers as well as parents who want to talk to their own children about what matters
Someone asked me what I thought of Peggy Moss's new book. My answer: "It's important." Our Friendship Rules sheds light on the choices that girls must make- - that we all must make. It's a story of friendship, of betrayal, of forgiveness and redemption. At once lyrical and realistic, this book summons the better angels in all of us. It's inspiring.
The beauty of this story is in the truth of the writing--the authors don't pull any punches, but they manage to create something along the way that is different--they show kids that even though friendship might be tested, there is almost always a way to make things right again.
Friendships require maintenance. This book empowers students to create rules and limitations within their friendships. Our Friendship Rules has served as a guide for my students. I ask students to create their own list of friendship rules after we read the book. Ask your kids, what should you do when someone breaks a friendship rule? How does forgiveness play a part in friendships? "To have a friend, you've got to be a friend." We need to TEACH and MODEL what that beautiful quote means. This is a MUST for your book shelf.
