Customer Reviews

Out on Fraternity Row: Personal Accounts of Being Gay in a College Fraternity: A Collection of Essays Solicited by the Lambda 10 Project

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What is it like to be gay and Greek? Are fraternities safe places for gay brothers? What kind of environment do fraternity houses provide homosexual members?

The first-hand accounts of 30 gay men in the book OUT ON FRATERNITY ROW (Alyson Books), provide answers to those questions. Written with candor and honesty, each tale in this anthology gives a glimpse of the Greeks' most invisible minority. The individuals telling their stories are diverse in background, age, fraternity and geographic location. Each goes through phases of coming out, some quickly, some not at all. However, even with these differences, certain themes are common. Gay men become Greek for the same reasons as heterosexual men--for the brotherhood and companions fraternities provide. But once in the fraternity, many writers tell how they felt isolated and alone, unable to tell their secret. The prevailing homophobic atmosphere--conveyed through gay jokes--kept many men locked in closets.

Some writers hoped fraternities would teach them not to be gay.

Many of the stories told of men's excessive use of alcohol to drown gay feelings. Fraternity men, both gay and straight, would objectify women as 'cover' to prove they weren't gay.

A large portion of the men who came out after college tell of distancing themselves from brothers after graduation. Many felt disconnected from the former brothers, or other brothers distanced themselves from the out member. But not everyone had a negative experience being gay and Greek. Indeed, several stories show that when a brother is up-front about his homosexuality the brotherhood remains strong. In chapters with solid camaraderie and mutual respect, coming out was not a negative experience. One wrote, 'My brothers' unconditional acceptance and support helped me move from being afraid of my brothers to being at peace with their companionship.'

As I read this book I kept thinking, these are my students talking to me. They are telling me what they feel. And as I read, I kept asking, how can I make it better for them?

Thankfully, OUT ON FRATERNITY ROW offers interventions and educational tools to combat homophobia. Anyone who works with fraternities needs to read this book. OUR students are talking to US, telling us what they are going through. Many are isolated, afraid of their own brothers and do dangerous things to fit in. If we leave homophobia unchallenged, what kind of environment are we providing not just for gay students, but for all?

If you've ever been in a fraternity, you know how hard it is to hide something so important about yourself from your brothers. This book shares many different stories of staying in and coming out of the closet. It touches on the Human aspect of life in a fraternity house. Very good resources and suggestions are provided in the Appendix as well.

Having not been affiliated with any fraternal organization during my college years, I did not hold fraternities with any high regard. Coming to terms with one's sexuality is difficult enough, but I couldn't possibly begin to comprehend doing so in a Greek environment. Therefore, "Out on Fraternity Row" was an extremely interesting read not only for being allowed to share in the personal struggles of the authors of this anthology, but to see how the brotherhood found in fraternities can have a lasting effect on these individuals lives. From the author who not only had to combat homophobia, but also his struggle with being deaf to the gentleman whose questioning sexuality was during the height of World War II - this book has a sincerity and eloquence about it. The stories range in tone from the wonderfully positive to the disturbingly negative. Whether one agrees with the Greek system and what it stands for or not, I highly recommend this book to anyone with preconceived notions of fratenities and the men within them.

...reading this book was a great experience. While I can understand the complaints of repetitiveness to a point, I'm not sure that these other reviewers are looking at the right points.

There are stories from African Americans in traditional black fraternity houses -- and these experiences are quite different from the traditionally white fraternity experiences. There are experiences from a variety of times, from WWII through the seventies and eighties up to the date of publication.

More importantly, the stories are written by men who inhabit places across the entire spectrum of the coming-out experience: Men who were out during college; men who stayed closeted but came out afterwards; men who came out, but never to fraternity brothers (yet); men who are closeted up to the date of publication. This, to me, seems to be the most important aspect of variance in the book. I knew at least four men in my own (small) Greek chapter who are now out, and all of them would be able to find corellaries to their own sundry experiences in this book.

It is this variety, this idea that someone else has been where you were or where you are now, that is the most essential -- and in communicating this, the book succeeds admirably.

On another front, I would dispute the reviewer who said that the men did not speak much about being in the Catch-22 of "balancing same-sex attraction in an environment of brotherhood"; skimming the book before me, I easily find over a half-dozen stories that address this. Finally, I am sorry that some see the Greek system as elitist and exclusive in nature. I know that not all have a positive experience with the Greek system. However, I had a terrible experience with Little League Baseball; this does not make it a terrible institution. I see the entire Greek system -- where many of the leaders of tomorrow are nurtured -- as the perfect place to begin to enact change for the better. This book aids this change process, by opening all eyes to what was previously, and to many may still be, a hidden reality. The fact is, these men are here, they're queer, and we in the Greek system are lucky to have them.

I disagree with "Reader" who chose to remain unknown to the outside world. It takes a brave person who comes to terms with the true identity that lies within. Yes, fraternities can be and are sometimes homophobic. Change usually happens best when it comes from within the ranks. You can't truly criticize someone until you have walked in their shoes. I appreciate what the young men in this book have done. They have taken a step forward to make a difference and to share it with others.

Also, "Reader" should learn a little bit about proofing his review next time. Bittnerness is not pretty, life is too short!

Say the word 'fraternity,' and images of college keggers, varsity letters, and pledge rituals come to mind. Add 'jock' or 'straight' and the images don't change much.

But for an estimated five percent of frat brothers, 'fraternity' meant something very different- it meant keeping secrets as the price for brotherhood.

It's the subject explored in 'Out on Fraternity Row.' The anthology presents the accounts of 32 fraternity brothers--two of whom are straight--talking firsthand about their experiences of homosexuality within the Greek system. Each chapter is a personal glimpse into the memories that made their frat days both blissful and painful.

The editors of the book, Shane Windmeyer and Pamela Freeman, carefully selected essays which represent a wide range of experiences within the Greek system. Many of the men in 'Out on Fraternity Row' felt that hiding their sexuality was the price they had to pay for acceptance by their brotherhood. Others came out completely and retained the loyalty and admiration of their fellow frat brothers. All of the essays reveal some inherent contradiction of the homophobia within fraternities.

The accounts are strikingly honest and will speak to any man who ever felt a strong bond with another man. Even though the book is geared toward gay men, it's bound to have an extensive cross-over audience, since there are more than 60 active college fraternities in the US, and an estimated 5 percent of these members are gay, according to Douglas Case, a university fraternity administrator. Windmeyer and Freeman smartly included an educational appendix with resources on how to use the stories as tools for learning. One section, 'What Do You Do When You Learn a Brother Is Gay?' provides tips for straight frat brothers. And an essay on 'How Homophobia Hurts the College Fraternity' is equally enlightening. Also included are several resolutions made by fraternity groups regarding sexual orientation.

Far more than a book of stories, 'Out on Fraternity Row' provides heartening details on male friendship, bonding, and brotherhood that will likely prove illuminating to other all-male groups.

I was immediately drawn into the first few stories because they made me feel like I was reading my own. A few stories further, the novelty began to wear off, and they did indeed become monotonous. I think that would be almost unavoidable, considering the basic plot line, but my chief complaint was the lack of diversity among the authors. It seemed as though every one of them was a prime candidate for "Who's Who in American Colleges & Universities." Frankly, they were all a little too perfect, and by the end, I found it downright boring! How about some stories from your average (or even below-average) JOE?

This book caught my eye because I work with college students. I was excited and proud to read the stories submitted for this anthology. I hope gay and bisexual men who wish to join fraternities can see that this goal is within reach. I recommend this book to other college administrators.

I liked the stories in this book and what I liked was that not everyone in it thought that they should come out in a big way and become an activist. Many still thought that they should keep their being gay private from their frat brothers. One really has to be prepared to pay any price for coming out. These things just aren't accepted that readily because, after all--these are male organizations and everyone has a different level of understanding and acceptance. Just like the book I read recently also about gay athletes. Not all of them thought they should make it public. When there is THAT much testerostone in those environments, sometimes less is better. Keep the peace, stay on the down low--whatever. We can't all be open and accepted by everyone. It isn't the same thing as race, gender or religion. It's sexuality. A touchy issue.

Ok, so I have to admit - I haven't read this book. I was looking for books about fraternity life to give my younger brother for Christmas and found this one. I was in a sorority in college a got connected with alumnae groups where ever I moved after graduation.

I just want to let gay, bi or questioning Greeks know that they are not alone. When I was a senior we had a bi member for my house. She had gone through Recruitment when I was studying else where. I remember coming back to the house and being so glad that my sisters had accepted her enthusiastically. I was a Women Studies major which for a while was a confusing conflict in the eyes of a few of my sisters. After I graduated a new member of my sorority "family" found me on facebook - she said she had heard a lot about me and was really excited to be in the house. I discovered on her profile that she was openly gay and had been that way while going though recruitment. Again, I was very encouraged and surprised by my house. By the time I graduated our house was also about half Latina. I was one of the few blondes in the house at a very predominantly white school. (And no, it was not a house associated with any certain race, ethnicity or particularly open-minded credo) ...in fact it's the very same one that inspired Legally Blonde. Yup - that's our crest and our colors in the opening sequence.

One of the main stream fraternities on our campus had an openly gay president when I was a freshman and another openly gay high officer by the time I graduated.

I think it has a lot to do with the climate of the campus and it's propensity for open-mindedness. We were at a small liberal arts school where only 16% of the students were Greek.