Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents [Paperback]

Noelle Howey (Author), Ellen Samuels (Author), Margarethe Cammermeyer (Author), Dan Savage (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0312244894 | ISBN-13: 978-0312244897 | Publication Date: August 10, 2000 | Edition: 1st

Out of the Ordinary is a truly unique anthology, a groundbreaking collection of essays by the grown children of lesbian, gay, and transgender parents. Ranging from humorous to poignant, the essays touch on some of the most important and complicated issues facing them: dealing with a parent's sexuality while developing an identity of one's own; overcoming homophobia at school and at family or social gatherings; and defining the modern family. In a time when traditional family structure has undergone radical change, Out of the Ordinary is an important look at the meaning of love, family, and relationships, and will speak to anyone who has lived or is interested in non-traditional families.

With a foreword by Margarethe Cammermeyer, Ph.D., author of Serving in Silence, and a preface by columnist and author Dan Savage, Out of the Ordinary also includes a resource guide of organizations that offer support for the hundreds of thousands of gay, lesbian, and transgender parents and their children. As the demographic increases, this book becomes an invaluable tool for learning, understanding, and acceptance.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

While hearing "faggot" yelled at you in a high school corridor would upset almost anyone, here is evidence that hearing "Your father's a faggot" isn't nearly as bad, and that you might find yourself levelheadedly retorting, "No, my father's a transgendered lesbian." This unprecedented collection of short memoirs by adult children of gay, lesbian, and transgender parents demonstrates once again that love cannot be policed or regulated, and that the bond between parents and children transcends petty categories. Kelley Conway's "My Mother and the Nun" describes the confusion a 14-year-old girl feels when her mother falls in love with another woman at the same time that Conway herself is beginning to recognize her own attractions to other girls. In Peter Snow's "Acting Lessons," a college boy returns home to find that his parents, who have always been unhappily married, are still together, and in fact are cozied up on the couch watching television with his mother's lover, Jackie. What is missing from this volume are essays by children who were born or adopted into same-sex families. Without this perspective, the memoirs are somewhat skewed, since almost every writer had to deal not only with a parent's coming out but with a wrenching divorce, often caused by that parent's sexuality. Nevertheless, this collection should prove helpful to therapists, youth counselors, and families with gay members, and contribute positively to the debates on same-sex parenting and adoption. --Regina Marler

From Publishers Weekly

The typical adolescent experience of being mortified by one's parents or squeamish about discussing sexuality takes on an additional dimension in this collection of essays by 20 contributors who have a queer mom or dad (or two). The lack of sophistication in these essays is both the book's weakness and its strengthAfor these accounts, many by first-time writers, sometimes unintentionally show with dramatic clarity how at early ages the authors sensed and shouldered their parents' struggles. Among the most poignant stories are one girl's account of her loss of contact with a much-loved nonbiological "mom" after the "mom" and the girl's mother broke up; another girl's memories of her fear of losing her father as he began transitioning from male to female; and the tale of a nervous boy who has been told to "smile and say nothing" whenever asked why his mother lives with a woman. With the exception of Dan Savage, these narrators don't sound like products of the current, proud gay-parenting boom; many are the children of parents who struggled to leave straight lives (and marriages) and to establish new identities later in life. Despite a number of tributes to parents who succeeded in finding themselvesAand remaining sensitive to their children at the same timeAa pall is cast over the book by the many parents who did not talk to their family about what was happening or who retreated into the closet. One reluctantly perceptive nine-year-old, asked how he would define "lesbian," is quoted as saying, "It's something that happens, and kids don't usually like it happening." (Aug.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Stonewall Inn Editions; 1st edition (August 10, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312244894
• ISBN-13: 978-0312244897
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.7 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #706,728 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #87 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Nonfiction > Bisexuality
  • #100 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Parenting & Families

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Out of the Ordinary, Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian,, August 14, 2000

By 

Gail (Elk Grove, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents (Paperback)

The stories provided by these children of gays, lesbians and transgendered parents demonstrate the same joy, confusion, sadness and questioning that children in all families experience. But these stories explain the difficulties that challenge these children in a society that is not always understanding of differences. At a time when a child is trying to form their own sexual identity, facing the world with a "different" parent stretches them to learn more about themselves and life in the process. Many of these stories indicate the strength that is gained and the love that remains between parent and child as these families experience emotional highs and lows. This book provides these writers with an opportunity to tell their story; their reality of a tough situation. I recommend it to all parents, parents-to-be and children who are trying to gain a better understanding of their own family or of other families. It stretches our perceptions and opens our hearts.

16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Children Speak, September 18, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents (Paperback)

Finally,, this book was just what I have been looking for. I've been diligently searching for information on how my lesbianism would effect my daughter and the sterile studies I found just didn't seem to satisfy my quest. I found comfort from this book and in knowing who she becomes depends on all the factors of parenting and not just the fact that I'm a lesbian. This collection outweighs the studies because the honesty of the writers provided rare and precious information. I hope volume two is in the works and perhaps we will hear from some more artificial insemination babies. Thanks to the writers and editors for letting these voices be heard loud and proud.

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Out of the Ordinary lives up to its title, November 8, 2001

By 

Molly (Omaha, NE) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents (Paperback)

I bought this book for a class I am taking. I'm doing my project on same-sex parenting and wanted to get different points of view on it. This book was more than helpful and provided a good idea of the varying views of children of gay, lesbian, or transgendered parents. Not all of the essays think of their parents as the greatest in the world, which I was surprised at. As someone who was shocked to learn several years ago that someone very close to me was gay, the essays convay many of the emotions that I felt when hearing the "coming out" speech. I know that anyone who is close to somebody that's gay will be able to relate to much of this book.