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Out from Under: The Impact of Homosexual Parenting

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Dawn's parents did not do a good job raising her, that much is true. Unfortunately, in her understandable bitterness she has lashed out at her father's homosexuality being the cause of her parents inability to do a good job as parents. Her bias is apparent from the subtitle "The Impact of Homosexual Parenting." The truth is that Dawn had two parents, one straight and one gay. Why is this book not called, "The Impact of Heterosexual Parenting." For that matter, perhaps "The Impact of Heterosexual Parenting" would be a good subtitle for "Mommie Dearest," "Running With Scissors," or the multitude of memoirs that chronicle bad parenting of straight parents.

Certainly it is easy to have sympathy for the author. Her childhood was traumatic. But it is clear that she has not yet concluded her journey of healing. She blames her father's sexuality for her problems almost exclusively. And-- from there-- she draws an unsupported generalization that every child raised by gay parents would necessarily experience the same thing. This has been a matter of extensive research that has shown just the opposite is true. Fortunately, Dawn's experience is an anomaly.

In the end, however, Dawn crosses a line. She allows her bitterness about her father's sexuality set her off on a rant against gay people. She has known gay people, so she knows there is a world of difference between bestiality and homosexuality. But she pretends otherwise. And for this she should be ashamed.

One hopes that Dawn completes the journey she has started. That she conquers the demons that so obviously haunt her and rids herself of the anger and hatred that blind her to reality. I hope she then has the courage to write a sequel in which she finally finds happiness!

Dawn has done a masterful job of describing a very difficult childhood without bitterness or revenge. In fact, she demonstrates complete forgiveness for all the abuse she endured. With a great deal of grace and discretion, she recounts growing up with a homosexual father and passive mother. Sharing a multitude of very disturbing experiences, it becomes evident that the gay lifestyle is far from nurturing to the children growing up in that environment. Her point is well made and holds great credibility. I highly recommend this book.

There are plenty of problems associated with being raised in homosexual or lesbian "families". Dawn Stefanowicz knows all about them. She was raised by her homosexual father and his many partners, and has written up her experiences in this important book.

It does not make for easy reading. Indeed, given the excesses of the homosexual lifestyle, the book at times almost borders on X-rated reading. But the truth must be told about the homosexual lifestyle, and Stefanowicz does it faithfully, warts and all.

She was born in Canada to what at first seemed to be a normal family. But for much of her life her mother was ill, bed-ridden, and far too passive in the face of her husband's homosexuality. Thus she had to bear the brunt of his life, and experience the unpleasant realities of the many homosexual men who drifted in and out of the home.

No details are spared as the horrors of being raised in such a household are described. It makes for very sobering and sickening reading, but it is necessary reading, as the push for same-sex marriage and adoption rights continues unabated.

For example, she describes the wretched nature of her dad's sexual flings, and how she was literally left cleaning up the mess afterwards. It was not a pretty situation by any means. She tells about the nature of sexual addiction and perversion that he was involved in, and the stream of anonymous men who moved in and out for sexual encounters.

She suffered greatly with her own relationships with other children as a result. She could not relate well to boys or girls. Her dad made sure her teens years were a living hell: "If I hung out with girls, he'd call me `dyke' or `lesbo.' If I hung out with boys, he called me a `whore.'

In order to cope, she had to live a life she was not at all happy with: "It was easier at times to act as if I were promiscuous, pretending to be at ease sexually among boys even though I wasn't. Promiscuity seemed to be the normal thing to me."

Then there was the violence - violence especially between her dad and his many sexual partners. Of course with multiple partners, group sex and the like, there were bound to be rivalries, jealousies, hatred and arguing. This often spilled over into violent confrontations.

Worse yet, her dad would sometimes take her along when he went out cruising for anonymous sexual encounters. She saw how he would strike up lewd conversations with strangers, and then move off to have sex with them. She would be left sitting by herself in these dens of iniquity.

Mention can also be made of the sexual abuse she had to endure as a young girl, along with that of her brother. This was a life no one should be forced to endure, but she did. But when adults become addicted to sexual promiscuity and perversions, it is often the children who pay the biggest price.

But her dad of course also paid the price for his sexual proclivities. He struggled with depression, was often quite suicidal, and took sleeping pills for many years. "He lived a tortured life. . . . Idle moments were to be avoided, as those were the times when feelings of hopelessness and emptiness would come flooding in. In a life lived as frenetically as his, reflection - leading perhaps to remorse or reform - just wasn't a possibility."

Then came all the physical diseases and sicknesses which are so closely attached to the homosexual lifestyle. But such conditions did not cause him to reconsider his unhealthy lifestyle - he simply got into it even further: "Dad threw himself into more and more risky sexual behaviors at an increased and even more frantic rate. As he tore his way through the gay bathhouses and racked up sexual partners beyond counting, he only seemed to become more belligerent and heedless of his impact on others."

She continues, "The desperate strategy he employed to keep the grim reaper at bay had in fact put down the welcome mat, and was inviting the cowled gent into the darkest recesses of his bloodstream." In the end her father finally passed away from AIDS.

This nightmare experience which Stefanowicz had to go through for two decades left her reeling. She was bewildered, confused, and tormented by such an upbringing. But she has since known an incredible amount of healing and wholeness. And an amazing part of her story is how she now holds no bitterness or resentment against her father.

That she even made it through such a difficult and ugly upbringing tells us much about the author's resilience and strength. Her life is now empowered by her Christian faith, and she has moved on, now being married with two children.

She has forgiven her father and now offers help for others who were also raised in such households. She travels extensively, sharing her moving story. It is an emotional and powerful story, and deserves a wide hearing. For those who cannot hear her speak in person, this book is the way to go.

Two words: Irrefutable credibility. I can already hear the counterarguments: It would have been better had she grown up in a stable "gay marriage" environment, etc. (Yet her father's relationship WAS stable and monogamous during her later childhood.) However, the hypocrisy, the "I don't want my children to lead my risky lifestyle," would still exist. If anything, most who read this book will THANK GOD that their childhood was not like Dawn's. Thank you for your courage, Dawn!

Dawn Stefanowicz has boldly and openly shared a horrific life that is becoming more and more prevalent as society and its norms continue to crumble. In her personal memoir, Out From Under, Dawn reveals the mental torment she and her two siblings were raised in by a homosexual father and a weak mother.

Bravo!

Dawn's book is more than a personal analyzation of trauma caused by bad parenting. It reveals the darker side of a father's sexual appetites and how they can destroy the psyche of everyone he touches. It is not for the faint hearted. Be warned!

A thread of the religious runs through this tormented family and Dawn's ability to finally see true Christianity from the false is critical to her personal understanding of the need for a Father's love.

As Dawn openly works through her needs for love and affection it is clear this book is a manual for others that may find themselves in similar situations. She does not gloss over the ugly nor make it look like easy work. Change is never easy. But she eloquently shows her love and affection for her father and sees him as he truly was. Her ability to continually forgive the many ways her father continued to cause her pain throughout his life, show a strength that can only from the determination to deal with her own shortcomings over and over again.

Dawn's marriage and ability to be completely vulnerable with her husband show that they are in this thing together. Her self analysis by journaling was a step forward in her own healing and sharing those journaling efforts with her husband, seem to help her place her situations in perspective.

For those of us who love others in alternative lifestyles, this book is a warning of the effects of gay parenting and the backlash that it can create on the social structure of a society. Dawn speaks for those who cannot. May her work not be in vain.

Children are the most vulnerable of society and a society that will not protect its own children is a sad one indeed. May we be brave enough to love, reach out to and rescue these little ones who are hidden among us.

OUT FROM UNDER:THE IMPACT OF HOMOSEXUAL PARENTING
By Dawn Stefanowicz ISBN 1-59977-011-3

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From what I read, she was largely affected by the fact that her father was abused as a child & he continued the cycle of abuse & unresolved issues as a parent. ALL OF THIS HAPPENS IN STR8 MARRIAGES ALL THE TIME, & nobody generalizes this to say straight people should not parent children!!! Sounds to me like she has an axe to grind & is capitalizing on a narrow-minded audience to extract material gain from her experience. Emotionally unhealthy parents act detrimentally toward their children almost universally, no matter their gender, race, religion, class, orientation or hair color!!

Why is the subtitle "The Impact of Homosexual Parenting"? She was raised by a straight mother and bisexual father in an "open" relationship. They were freaks. Obviously it was a horrible environment for the children, but her childhood says nothing about "homosexual parenting," inasmuch as she wasn't raised by homosexuals.

If her father had been allowed to bring home young women for his affairs, Stefanowicz's home life would have been just as messed up. At the prodding of some anti-gay advocacy groups, the author focuses exclusively on her father's affairs with men, jumping to shockingly illogical conclusions about all homosexuals.

I recently read a book about a girl who was abused by her Jewish father as a child. Should that girl write a book about "The Impact of Jewish Parenting"? Obviously not. Such generalizations are dishonest and irresponsible. Stefanowicz's story is well-written; her political statements are strange, irrational, and dangerous in their implications.

Father forgive her, she knows not what she does.

This book is just beyond words to describe the horror I felt for those children. It's amazing they all didn't turn bad or crazy, or had anything crazy happen to them.

The life of Dawn Stefanowicz was truly horrific and her experiences recounted in this book prove it. However, she writes pretending that she is a nearly impartial woman free of vengeance, but that's not true. She is a bigot. She suffered because her father was a sexual deviant, not because he was homosexual. She seems to make a sweeping generalization here that all children raised by homosexual households will turn out like her. Has she forgotten about the number of children raised by inappropriate and exploitative heterosexual parents? She might as well have made the argument that all children who are raised by men who share her father's eye color will be emotionally stunted. Frankly, I'm amazed this was published. She is doing more harm than good by villifying her father for being a homosexual but ignoring the fact that he was a deviant. Also, her mother played just a big a part in her poor childhood but the blame does not seem to fall on her nearly as much. I'd be interested to see how this book would have turned out if her father had been having the same sexual experiences with women. Unless you are just looking for a reason to unjustly lash out at the gay community, avoid this book.

Its the real story about chiodren with homosexual parenting, now after read about Down and other text of Dr Dobson i am totaly convencided that to have a mother a nd a father is the way our children could have emotionally healthy life and continue to produce children and family.