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Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life [Kindle Edition]

Samhita Mukhopadhyay
3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Romance and love are in a state of crisis: Statistically speaking, young women today are living romantic lives of all kinds—but they’re still feeling bogged down by social, cultural, economic, and familial pressures to love in a certain way. Young women in the modern world have greater flexibility than ever when it comes to who we choose to love and how we choose to love them; but while social circumstances may have changed since our parents’ generation, certain life expectations remain. In Outdated, Samhita Mukhopadhyay addresses the difficulty of negotiating loving relationships within the borderlands of race, culture, class, and sexuality—and of holding true to our convictions and maintaining our independence while we do it.

Outdated analyzes how different forms of media, cultural norms, family pressure, and even laws, are produced to scare women into believing that if they don’t devote themselves to finding a man, they’ll be doomed to a life of loneliness and shame. Using interviews with young women that are living around, between, within, and outside of the romantic industrial complex, Mukhopadhyay weaves a narrative of the alternative ways that women today have elected to live their lives, and in doing so offers a fresh, feminist look at an old topic: How do diverse, independent young women date happily and successfully—and outside of the box?






Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Samhita Mukhopadhyay is a writer, speaker and technologist residing in Brooklyn, NY. She is the Executive Editor of the popular website Feministing.com and is the author of Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life. Mukhopadhyay is also co-host of the podcast Opinionated on Citizen Radio. She has written for multiple outlets including GOOD Magazine, The Nation, The American Prospect, Alternet and the Guardian UK. She has been profiled in The Globe and Mail, The Rumpus, Salon, India Currents Magazine, Nirali Magazine, Brown Girl Magazine, Rabble.ca and on Alternet.

Product Details

  • File Size: 425 KB
  • Print Length: 242 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1580053327
  • Publisher: Seal Press (September 27, 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005FYF44S
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #446,946 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
26 of 29 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thought provoking and relevant! September 24, 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I received my copy a couple days ago and read through it in no time. It is an engaging and approachable read! This book provides a thought-provoking analysis of why the world is such a complicated place to be dating while feminist! Samhita explores many of the ways in which society pressures and influences our ideas around romance, articulates the problems with so many dating books, and articulates connections between romance and oppression. She slays myths about feminism, love, and sex, and validates many ways of approaching love.

At the same time, Samhita manages to balance this with an approachable and candid style that I felt I could relate to well. This is not a simple-to-follow dating self-help book with a formula or a specific end-goal. Rather, it is a look at the way oppression, particularly sexism and heteronomativism shape today's dating landscape that feels conversational and realistic. The book does not end with advice, or a path to follow. Rather, it is a critical look at our world that can inform many different, equally valid, decisions about what is right for each person.

While I found it extremely useful and relatable as a fellow single and dating feminist, I think many young feminists in relationships may also find it worthwhile. Outdated's analysis focuses not only on barriers for single feminists but on the role of oppression within personal relationships and how we can work to have meaningful relationships and communities on our terms. I will definitely be recommending this book to MANY many others! Thank you so much for the wonderful book!
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Welcome to Feminism May 19, 2012
By nkl1
Format:Paperback
I didn't identify with feminism - I think I perhaps rejected it; due to lack of understanding. I know I'm not the only one who has ever been a bit uncomfortable by the mention of that word.

It really wasn't even on my list of things to know more about until my last few years of trying to make sense of the pieces of living in our culture that didn't feel good (Love relationships, consumerism, political agendas, rampant dysfuction in our society-how it all the dots connect) brought me to a situation in which I was introduced to the author of this book. She handed me her business card. I looked at it and asked `What is feminism?' I don't remember her answer (the discomfort of the 'F-bomb' made me tune out), but the experience stuck with me and reading her book was at the top of my list.

I got my hands on the book and it's thourough examination of our world sparked some revealing conversations for me. As I was discussing it with some people, I could concede to an understanding of what she was saying about love, dating, equality, political systems, marketing machines, really dated ways of living and how it adds to the confusing messages we hear. She clearly spelled out what I had been trying to untangle in my mind with very little support. It helped me reach clarity about my own experience and empowerment in the choices I was making that didn't necessarily fit in with the rest of the world.

One of the most empowering statements in this book, for me, was : "If you stop worrying about finding The One, you can just enjoy meeting new people and all of the possible adventures that come with that." - It was so nice to see someone else be on board with this; I think I want her to be my new best friend! But me? A feminist? No.
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14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fresh and honest reflections for just about anyone October 14, 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book is a really interesting meld of analysis and personal reflection that can probably be a great meditation for just about anyone on the nature of relationships.

The author's starting point is very personal, which one of the other reviewers, for some reason, takes as a weakness. For me, however, this is really helpful and honest. By laying out her perspective and making it clear that relationships are not one-size-fits-all, she really leaves a lot up to the reader in terms of where to go with the information and ideas presented in the book. Further, between the references and endnotes, there are a great many directions to go in terms of further reading. At first, it struck me as a little too academic how many citations there were, but, as I moved forward, I realized it was a way to give the reader the freedom to explore all the sources of the author's analysis and draw her or his own conclusions.

And that's one thing that really impressed me about the book, and sets it apart from other dating books: there's no "answer," strictly speaking. There is a lot of really solid criticism of the sorts of patters we're all trained to follow and how these can stand in the way of authentic relationships, but the reader's intelligence is respected enough to not offer a simple, pat alternative.

On top of it all, I couldn't help but bust out laughing in just about every chapter or subsection. The sarcasm and comedy flowing through what is a really heartfelt and smart book makes some of the hard truths in it (like that there's no easy solution) a little easier to stomach. Even the section titles are great (like "Hopeless Romantic or Glutton for Punishment," which is one of my favorites).
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars There is a message here, but rather lost
I really wanted this to be a great -- or even very good -- book, since it came to me highly recommended. But it's not a great or very good book. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Frank Langben
1.0 out of 5 stars Amazing
Yet again another addition to the arsenal of malicious content created by the 'Feminists', claims to want equality, but only advocates one sex over another. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Abe
4.0 out of 5 stars I really liked this book
and found it spot-on with its critique of mainstream dating advice/ breakup books. Only thing is, there were not a lot of descriptions of how to make your own relationships more... Read more
Published on April 2, 2012 by E. Jahneke
3.0 out of 5 stars Feminist deconstruction of dating books long on criticism, short on...
"Outdated" is a feminist deconstruction of dating advice books written for women, mostly by men.

The first chapter is about the assertion in many dating books that... Read more
Published on December 9, 2011 by Thomas D. Kehoe
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book
This book is excellent. She offers a fresh perspective for both men and women navigating the complicated world of dating and relationships. Read more
Published on November 7, 2011 by eerriiiccaa
3.0 out of 5 stars There is a message here, although a bit lost
I really wanted this to be a great -- or even very good -- book, since it came to me highly recommended. But it's not a great or very good book. Read more
Published on November 1, 2011 by Frank
5.0 out of 5 stars Outdated in OUTSTANDING!
This is a crucial book for anyone interested in changing the way gender relations are playing out in 21st Century America, and beyond. Read more
Published on October 26, 2011 by OleBlueEyes
5.0 out of 5 stars Both Intelligent & Readable
I bought this book for a friend who's forever "unlucky in love." I consider myself in a happy relationship, but thought I'd take a peek at the book before I gave it to her. Read more
Published on October 23, 2011 by Ninaneen
5.0 out of 5 stars Breath of fresh air
Finally, someone says something intelligent about dating! Read this if you've had a bit too much conventional wisdom. Refreshing, intelligent, and right on.
Published on October 20, 2011 by Penny Thoughtful
1.0 out of 5 stars Drivel
It is obvious society and society's expectations have ruined dating. Feminism is a breakthrough of all those social constructions that we should practice as a feminist, but it is... Read more
Published on October 12, 2011 by Jadore
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More About the Author

Samhita Mukhopadhyay is a writer, speaker and technologist residing in Brooklyn, NY. She is the Executive Editor of the popular website Feministing.com and is the author of Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life.

Mukhopadhyay is also co-host of the podcast Opinionated on Citizen Radio.

She has written for multiple outlets including GOOD Magazine, The Nation, The American Prospect, Alternet and the Guardian UK. She has been profiled in The Globe and Mail, The Rumpus, Salon, India Currents Magazine, Nirali Magazine, Brown Girl Magazine, Rabble.ca and on Alternet.

Mukhopadhyay is a sought after speaker, regularly lecturing at college and universities and at conferences about race, politics, technology, sexuality and feminism.

She is also a highly regarded web strategist and has developed and managed the online technology strategies of leading grassroots organizing groups including The Center for Media Justice, The Praxis Project, The New Media Literacy Project and the Media Action Grassroots Network.

In 2012, she was chosen as a scholar to attend the Aspen Ideas Festival. In 2007, she was named a Champion of Sexual Literacy by the National Sexuality Resource Center where she is also a guest lecturer in their prestigious summer institute.

Mukhopadhyay is on the board of directors at Sakhi a NYC based organization committed to the eradication of violence against women with a focus on women of the South Asian diaspora.

She has a BA from the State University of New York at Albany in Women's Studies and Sociology and an MA from San Francisco State in Women and Gender Studies where her research focused on the politics of the feminist blogosphere.

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