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Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and About Adults Abused As Children Paperback – February 1, 1988


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Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and About Adults Abused As Children + Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 96 pages
  • Publisher: Dell; Reissue edition (February 1, 1988)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440500060
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440500063
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.2 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (82 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #86,360 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"The best book available to help survivors cope and understand." -- Dan Sexton, Director, Childhelp's National Child Abuse Hotline

From the Back Cover

"The best book available to help survivors cope and understand." -- Dan Sexton, Director, Childhelp's National Child Abuse Hotline

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Customer Reviews

A very well written book.
Scooter70
What is helpful about this book is that it offers a step by step way to identify how your painful past is prohibiting you from living the most fulfilling life you can.
Charleen Touchette
I am a therapist and I recommend this book to adult and young adult clients who are interested in understanding and working through sexual abuse histories.
Jen

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

112 of 113 people found the following review helpful By Fruit Loop VINE VOICE on September 10, 2004
Format: Paperback
The focus on child abuse is on children, and the adults who survived because it was often never detected have been overlooked for far too long. So many adults, like me, didn't realize until we were grown just how screwed up our childhoods were. As a child, you don't realize that this isn't normal, that all parents don't treat their children this way, and that it wasn't right because you think your parents always know what's best. Our pain is minimized or dismissed because "it's over now, you're grown up" or we're told "just don't dwell on it." A must read for adult survivors
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68 of 71 people found the following review helpful By doctor_beth #1 HALL OF FAMETOP 50 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on March 19, 2002
Format: Paperback
I'm a psychologist in a college counseling center, and I frequently recommend this book to students who are just beginning to come to terms with a history of childhood abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, emotional, or even neglect. Although the book's illustrations are somewhat juvenille, the content is excellent, and the overall impression is non-threatening. It's a short, simple, easy-to-read book that would be a great first step for anyone who is ready to begin addressing these issues.
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97 of 104 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 14, 2000
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I found this slight little book to be a tasty appetizer that leaves you starving for the main course. In other words, this book will help you identify yourself as the adult survivor of abuse, but when it comes to suggesting a course of treatment, the author's suggestions amount to little more than "try taking small risks", "try trusting people who are trustworthy", and "good luck." Well, as someone who has already spent 15 years and more than $150,000 in therapy trying to solve the problem, I found this book virtually useless. It's also very short, at about 100 pages of large type, half-empty pages, and some mediocre cartoons. I recommend instead Steven Farmer's book, Adult Children of Abusive Parents, which includes a detailed program of treatment.
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39 of 40 people found the following review helpful By Curtis Grindahl on August 23, 2000
Format: Paperback
I encountered this book relatively early in my healing journey and it was a profound gift. I'd been completely unaware of early sexual abuse, yet struggling in ways that suggested something untoward had happened to me. This book opened my eyes at the same time it offered solace. My recovery has taken years and continues still. Along the way I read many books, earned a graduate degree in psychology, qualified for a license as a psychotherapist and did lots more personal therapy. Yet I remember with great fondness this tiny book that helped me open a door I was terrified to step through. I have a shelf full of books on recovering from sexual abuse, but this one will always hold a special place for me. For those pondering the question whether they were abused, this is a good place to begin. And please be gentle with yourself along the way.
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43 of 47 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 21, 1999
Format: Paperback
I wasn't raped, molested, or physically abused. No bruises were ever noted; no authorities were ever called; relatives lived within a few miles. Life went on as "normal" and I thought I was just 'bad', weird, different, etc. We never talked about "IT" in our family - we pretended that "IT" didn't exist - that we all were in a wonderful, loving environment.
But my father was alcoholic and committed suicide when I was a young adult; we share only 'surface' ("how's the weather?") closeness, I think both of my sisters have dealt with depression ... same with me, plus PTSD.
If you ever wondered whether those 'never-go-away' feelings about your own childhood experiences are possibly indicative of childhood traumas, you gotta read this book. I've asked myself that very same question countless times (and virtually every time I just repeated what I was told about me 'you're just feeling sorry for yourself... you're just DIFFERENT!' (etc.). Maybe now, after reading (and re-reading - its so easy) this book I can start to acknowledge within myself that the Shit Did Happen, even if my 'family of origin' hasn't a clue....
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful By Charleen Touchette on January 15, 2005
Format: Paperback
OUTGROWING THE PAIN is a much needed book for the countless adult survivors of child abuse. Clearly written it begins with the source of so much continued pain - denial. Its list of the characteristics of the abused child will ring true immediately with any survivor. What is helpful about this book is that it offers a step by step way to identify how your painful past is prohibiting you from living the most fulfilling life you can. Survivors deny and often bury the pain from their childhoods because they think that will free them from the past, but the truth is that the only way to get over the pain is to remember and release it. OUTGROWING THE PAIN is a good tool to begin the healing process. I wish I had a resource like this when I realized I had not healed from my childhood 14 years ago. It would have saved me a few years of denying and hiding away my paintings of my childhood.
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41 of 46 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 5, 1997
Format: Paperback
I've heard that this book has sold over 100,000 copies and it's easy to understand why. The author fully comprehends the situation of adults who have been abused as children and she explains, in a straightforward manner, just what they have experienced and how they can overcome their lingering feelings of anger and guilt. The chapter titles best sum up the contents of this excellent book:

- Is this book for me?

- Coming to terms with abuse as a child

- OK, I believe, now what?

- Aftereffects of abuse

- Patterns of relating to the world

- Taking hold of your past

- Say goodbye to the parents you never had
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