Customer Reviews

Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and About Adults Abused As Children

5 star:		(20)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

The focus on child abuse is on children, and the adults who survived because it was often never detected have been overlooked for far too long. So many adults, like me, didn't realize until we were grown just how screwed up our childhoods were. As a child, you don't realize that this isn't normal, that all parents don't treat their children this way, and that it wasn't right because you think your parents always know what's best. Our pain is minimized or dismissed because "it's over now, you're grown up" or we're told "just don't dwell on it." A must read for adult survivors

I found this slight little book to be a tasty appetizer that leaves you starving for the main course. In other words, this book will help you identify yourself as the adult survivor of abuse, but when it comes to suggesting a course of treatment, the author's suggestions amount to little more than "try taking small risks", "try trusting people who are trustworthy", and "good luck." Well, as someone who has already spent 15 years and more than $150,000 in therapy trying to solve the problem, I found this book virtually useless. It's also very short, at about 100 pages of large type, half-empty pages, and some mediocre cartoons. I recommend instead Steven Farmer's book, Adult Children of Abusive Parents, which includes a detailed program of treatment.

I'm a psychologist in a college counseling center, and I frequently recommend this book to students who are just beginning to come to terms with a history of childhood abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, emotional, or even neglect. Although the book's illustrations are somewhat juvenille, the content is excellent, and the overall impression is non-threatening. It's a short, simple, easy-to-read book that would be a great first step for anyone who is ready to begin addressing these issues.

I encountered this book relatively early in my healing journey and it was a profound gift. I'd been completely unaware of early sexual abuse, yet struggling in ways that suggested something untoward had happened to me. This book opened my eyes at the same time it offered solace. My recovery has taken years and continues still. Along the way I read many books, earned a graduate degree in psychology, qualified for a license as a psychotherapist and did lots more personal therapy. Yet I remember with great fondness this tiny book that helped me open a door I was terrified to step through. I have a shelf full of books on recovering from sexual abuse, but this one will always hold a special place for me. For those pondering the question whether they were abused, this is a good place to begin. And please be gentle with yourself along the way.

I've heard that this book has sold over 100,000 copies and it's easy to understand why. The author fully comprehends the situation of adults who have been abused as children and she explains, in a straightforward manner, just what they have experienced and how they can overcome their lingering feelings of anger and guilt. The chapter titles best sum up the contents of this excellent book:

- Is this book for me?
- Coming to terms with abuse as a child
- OK, I believe, now what?
- Aftereffects of abuse
- Patterns of relating to the world
- Taking hold of your past
- Say goodbye to the parents you never had

I wasn't raped, molested, or physically abused. No bruises were ever noted; no authorities were ever called; relatives lived within a few miles. Life went on as "normal" and I thought I was just 'bad', weird, different, etc. We never talked about "IT" in our family - we pretended that "IT" didn't exist - that we all were in a wonderful, loving environment.

But my father was alcoholic and committed suicide when I was a young adult; we share only 'surface' ("how's the weather?") closeness, I think both of my sisters have dealt with depression ... same with me, plus PTSD.

If you ever wondered whether those 'never-go-away' feelings about your own childhood experiences are possibly indicative of childhood traumas, you gotta read this book. I've asked myself that very same question countless times (and virtually every time I just repeated what I was told about me 'you're just feeling sorry for yourself... you're just DIFFERENT!' (etc.). Maybe now, after reading (and re-reading - its so easy) this book I can start to acknowledge within myself that the Shit Did Happen, even if my 'family of origin' hasn't a clue....

OUTGROWING THE PAIN is a much needed book for the countless adult survivors of child abuse. Clearly written it begins with the source of so much continued pain - denial. Its list of the characteristics of the abused child will ring true immediately with any survivor. What is helpful about this book is that it offers a step by step way to identify how your painful past is prohibiting you from living the most fulfilling life you can. Survivors deny and often bury the pain from their childhoods because they think that will free them from the past, but the truth is that the only way to get over the pain is to remember and release it. OUTGROWING THE PAIN is a good tool to begin the healing process. I wish I had a resource like this when I realized I had not healed from my childhood 14 years ago. It would have saved me a few years of denying and hiding away my paintings of my childhood.

I'm a family therapist and have found this book helpful for several of my clients. I think that the fact that it doesn't have very many pages, has simple drawings, and is formatted in a non-threatening, non-academic way are some of the things that make it helpful. Many clients are overwhelmed by "regular" sized books. This little book is not overwhelming and has brought relief to the clients I've shared it with by helping them recognize that their reactions are normal given their experiences and that they are not alone. It is a good tool for beginning the healing process.

I'll keep this short and sweet. If you are looking at this page, then this book is for you. A quick and easy read, it proves that you are NOT crazy, unwanted, or alone. Move on with your life and succeed where only failure waited before.

I was hoping for a book of more substance - this book is like getting a brief synopsis of what things a person who has been abused may be dealing with. It doesn't do enough to help a person work through these emotions, or start to overcome them. I think that a person who is looking into self-help books in these situations is already aware enough of what is going on with them - they don't need a list! They need a book with tools to help them. This book does not provide that.