Outgrowing the Pain Together [Paperback]

Eliana Gil (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 1992

Because love is not enough... a step-by-step plan for overcoming obstacles together. Childhood abuse has many forms, but the message is always the same: people who love you hurt you. If you are the spouse or partner of a survivor of an abusive childhood, you know what that means-a relationship that has you worried, angry, or frustrated. You may be wondering if the person you love will ever "get over" his or her past, and if you can ever have a "normal" relationship. You may even have thought about leaving out of frustration and despair. But there is real help. Therapist Eliana Gil understands the special problems you and your partner face. Based on her extensive clinical experience with adults abused as children, she has developed a unique, much-needed program specifically for couples. It provides guidance in:

Anger management.
Safe and successful ways to express feelings.
The dangerous trigger words: what are they; what they do.
Touching or being touched: no more fear; no more guilt.
Good sex: Loving, fulfilling intimacy.
Decision-making and power: equal partners at last.
Ending the silence: communication that worked.
Commitment: being able to count on tomorrow... and more.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Because love is not enough... a step-by-step plan for overcoming obstacles together. Childhood abuse has many forms, but the message is always the same: people who love you hurt you. If you are the spouse or partner of a survivor of an abusive childhood, you know what that means-a relationship that has you worried, angry, or frustrated. You may be wondering if the person you love will ever "get over" his or her past, and if you can ever have a "normal" relationship. You may even have thought about leaving out of frustration and despair. But there is real help. Therapist Eliana Gil understands the special problems you and your partner face. Based on her extensive clinical experience with adults abused as children, she has developed a unique, much-needed program specifically for couples. It provides guidance in:

Anger management.

Safe and successful ways to express feelings.

The dangerous trigger words: what are they; what they do.

Touching or being touched: no more fear; no more guilt.

Good sex: Loving, fulfilling intimacy.

Decision-making and power: equal partners at last.

Ending the silence: communication that worked.

Commitment: being able to count on tomorrow... and more.

From the Inside Flap

Because love is not enough... a step-by-step plan for overcoming obstacles together. Childhood abuse has many forms, but the message is always the same: people who love you hurt you. If you are the spouse or partner of a survivor of an abusive childhood, you know what that means-a relationship that has you worried, angry, or frustrated. You may be wondering if the person you love will ever "get over" his or her past, and if you can ever have a "normal" relationship. You may even have thought about leaving out of frustration and despair. But there is real help. Therapist Eliana Gil understands the special problems you and your partner face. Based on her extensive clinical experience with adults abused as children, she has developed a unique, much-needed program specifically for couples. It provides guidance in:

Anger management.
Safe and successful ways to express feelings.
The dangerous trigger words: what are they; what they do.
Touching or being touched: no more fear; no more guilt.
Good sex: Loving, fulfilling intimacy.
Decision-making and power: equal partners at last.
Ending the silence: communication that worked.
Commitment: being able to count on tomorrow... and more.

Product Details

• Paperback: 157 pages
• Publisher: Dell (June 1, 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440503728
• ISBN-13: 978-0440503729
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5 x 0.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #321,416 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #19 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Recovery > General
  • #95 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Parenting & Families > Family Health

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 72 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Real Help for Survivors and Their Partners, November 10, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Outgrowing the Pain Together (Paperback)

My husband and I have only been married 2 years and we have struggled with communication in our marriage. He has always been very physically affectionate...something I didn't feel comfortable with and something I definitely would never initiate. I am a survivor of child abuse. Looking for insight into how abuse can carry into an adult's marriage later in life, I discovered this book and brought it home. I scanned through the entire book in one evening because I could understand everything the author discussed. I shared a few passages with my husband, who is hurt by my need for physical distance. It was like a light went on in his head. All of a sudden, he realized that touching may not be a problem I have with him - but rather something carried over from my childhood. We've had problems discussing sensitive issues in the past...but he suggested we work on this together, using this book as a reference. We've agreed to sit down together once a week and read a chapter. We will then discuss our feelings and share them with one another. Talking is something we always needed to do...this book is clearing the path for us. To the author, we are forever indebted!

44 of 46 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wish I'd read this book 5 years earlier!, February 1, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Outgrowing the Pain Together (Paperback)

A quick read...I couldn't put it down. Excellent book which help me understand my wife (and myself) better. It gives some useful "techinques" to improve communication on difficult topics. If you are at an impass in your relationship due to issues related to abuse, but you love the person deeply, this book can help you break through. Everyone's story is different, but you'll think its written just for you...good to know you're not alone. Abuse doesn't just effect the survivor!

27 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT BOOK FOR PARTNERS OF SURVIVORS, July 29, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Outgrowing the Pain Together (Paperback)

As a partner of a survivor, I have found that this book is one of the best written for Partners of surivivors of Sexual Abuse. Ms Gil writes in a clear, concise manner for everyone to understand. Each chapter is laid out with guidelines, exercises and tips on how to help your partner through one of the most difficult journeys of anyones life: recovering of Sexual Abuse.