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Outsmarting Anger: 7 Strategies for Defusing Our Most Dangerous Emotion Hardcover – March 18, 2013
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5 Tips to Transform Another Person’s Anger Impulse
In Outsmarting Anger you’ll be learning how it’s not just your own anger that gets in the way of success, but someone else’s.Add A Thank You To Your Day
It sounds so simple. Without even thinking twice we thank the bank teller, the waiter, the teacher, the boss, and they thank us. But think about when someone doesn’t thank you, when those two words don’t appear. It feels pretty strange, almost like we’re invisible, or that our very presence isn’t valued. Someone who doesn’t say thank you is instantly classified as “rude.” That’s how important it is to remember those words. Try adding a few thank yous to your day- even to those you don’t have to thank but who really deserve it like the street cleaner, the intern, and the parking lot attendant. When you value others, it’s like taking a fire hose to feelings of anger.Talk in Line
Nothing causes the feeling of common frustration and more than a disorganized line at restaurant or place of service. We have in our evolutionary DNA both the need to get to resources first and an innate sense of fairness. When someone cuts in line, people get angry. If you’re the last to arrive and don’t know where the line is, you will be helping calm everyone’s anger impulse by speaking up to establish where the line is and going to the end of it. You can even make a joke, “Wow, you’d think they’re giving them away today!” As fans of these awesome bagels, you already have a lot in common.Remove Your Shades
Those fancy designer sunglasses probably make you feel like the coolest looking person on the planet. They ought to; you spent the big bucks on ‘em. But when you don’t show your eyes to the person with whom you’re interacting, you are sending a very subtle but clear message of disrespect, as if they’re not worthy of your glance. And what’s worse, when a person cannot see your eyes, they can’t gauge your intent or level of sincerity. Consequently, you’ve communicated to them that you are not trustworthy. When you are not trusted, you tend to breed mistrust or suspicion, a perfect kindling for anger.Smile
Who are you more likely to want to meet, let alone trust? The person who walks around the office avoiding eye contact and scowling, or the person who walks by you and gives you a warm and respectful smile? Studies show that the person who smiles is perceived by others as calm, happy, and confident – the kind of person most of us are already attracted to. But on a deeper level, they’re also the one who’s least likely to be seen as a threat to your safety. The safer you feel, the less frightened or angry you feel. So when you smile at someone, you’re signaling to them that you are safe and they can relax their suspicion and anger radar around you.Boast Less
We live in a society that is always telling us to “toot your own horn” to get ahead. But actually, boasting about a new home, sports car, or raise, is unlikely to win you lasting admiration. When you brag, in fact you’re kick starting a human tendency to feel envy, a close cousin of anger. You run the risk of making others want what you have and resent you for having it instead of them. It’s not their fault. People are just wired this way. But now you know how you can influence others and keep them less angry at you, and less angry in general. Mum’s the word on those Red Sox Box Seats.
From the Inside Flap
When it comes to anger, there's something you may not know. It's not always your anger that gets in the way of your success; very often, it is the anger of others that is the roadblock to your achieving your goals.
In Outsmarting Anger, noted expert Dr. Joseph Shrand reveals what happens inside the brain when the dark forces of anger begin to erupt. But in each of us are built-in mechanisms that can be harnessed to counteract anger's potentially destructive explosion. He outlines seven techniques for recognizing the many forms of anger and tapping into your brain's powerful anger management zonethe prefrontal cortex:
- Recognize Rage
- Envision Envy
- Sense Suspicion
- Project Peace
- Engage Empathy
- Communicate Clearly
- Trade Thanks
Published in partnership with Harvard Health Publications, Outsmarting Anger explores the ways you can overcome anger in yourself and explains how to harness and transform the anger of others.When we learn to recognize and defuse the anger response of any individual, we improve our chances for success in every aspect of life.
Using the tools outlined in this must-have resource, you will be able to gain control over anger and turn it into a healthy, productive power.
Top Customer Reviews
The authors begin by defining anger developmentally, physiologically and, psychologically. Rather than simply trying to tell you, the reader, how to control your anger (there are excellent strategies to help you deal with anger) this book delves into how your anger can elicit anger in others and vice-versa. The book then provides simple, concrete strategies for avoiding or defusing angry confrontations.
Clearly anger has a certain protective value though occasions where anger is truly needed are, or should be, few and far between. The book describes in detail the primary reasons or domains that, when threatened, lead to anger. These are resources, residence and relationships. Clear definitions are provided in the book.
After the introductory chapter, there are seven chapters, each of which is dedicated to one of the seven points of the proffered anger management strategy. The chapters are: Recognize Rage, Envision Envy, Sense Suspicion, Project Peace, Engage Empathy, Communicate Clearly and, Trade Thanks. Each chapter contains clear descriptions of the main idea along with exercises and concrete examples. For those interested in further reading, there are references to recent scientific studies.
In all, I feel that this book is concise and well-written, one that will help you cope with anger both internally and externally. Most importantly, this book will help you avoid needless anger.
-Michael J.F. Iannessa, M.D.
Very interesting about why babies cry when they see a strange face, even if that face is smiling. Also, good to know about teenager brains.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Learned so much about WHY we feel angry. Really accessible, really worthwhile.Published 5 months ago by James F Quine
You should read this book. Whether you have anger issues or not. It provides a guide of how to control our emotions as opposed to letting them control us. Read morePublished 13 months ago by Nicholas B.
I just finished reading the book “Outsmarting Anger”.
It was great!
Dr. Schrand has once again demonstrated his uncanny ability to convey information, inspiration... Read more
Excellent explanation of how the brain works in causing anger and to keep our reasoning in control to diffuse it in ourselves and others who confront us. Read morePublished 20 months ago by Robert Cloar
Dr. Shrand is clearly onto something! This is a topic which will be of use to anyone working in the medical field as well as to the reading public. It is very well written.Published 23 months ago by Sylvester C. Sviokla MD
Good book, plenty of "work arounds", but doesn't replace
the physical and positive feeling of beating the #$%$ out
of someone who desperately needs it. Read more
I really enjoyed this book. It breaks down the biology of anger into
components and then helps you understand and control it.
The writing is top notch. Read more
This book was in great shape and I saved money. I am enjoying the read. Looking forward to buying more books!Published on March 14, 2014 by Angela
Enjoyable reading and very good lessons to learn and follow through life. Anger can be outsmarted with the through description of how the brain sees it.Published on March 9, 2014 by James Thomason