Customer Reviews

In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life

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This tour-de-force does much to explain how people's interactions are affected by their developmental stage and goes a long way toward fleshing out adult developmental theories. It hypothesizes that mental development is intricately entwined with world view and one's understanding of events and roles. It explains relations between romantic partners, family members, communities, and cultures. Kegan's hypotheses are informed, but not limited, by existing psychological frameworks. He is like a sociologist in his outlook and a psychologist in his theorizing. He writes about sophisticated ideas and complex topics in a clear and approachable way. His conception of mental development is not easy to grasp in its entirety but pondering it is well worth the effort. The book is one of the best written in the last 20 years in any field.

I was amazed by this book. I was reading it when we left for a two-day driving trip. Even though I am unable to read in a moving car, I kept it near at hand to read whenever we stopped at a rest area or gas station. It was so compelling that when I finished it, I immediately tossed it back near the top of my to-read pile. The second time through, I found that it had just as much to offer (if not more) as it had the first time.

Every once in awhile, I run across a book that helps me reorganize the way I think about the world. This is such a book. Through the use of examples and detailed examination of various aspects of modern life, Kegan considers what kinds of demands the world puts on us for thinking and relating. He makes a very solid case that cognitive development does not end after one passes through the developmental stages of childhood and adolescence (magical, concrete and abstract).

By carefully considering what it is exactly that we ask adolescents to do in making the transition from concrete to abstract cognition, Kegan sets the groundwork for a careful explantion of what the next order of thought is, what it looks like, and how the modern world demands that we master it. he looks in detail at just what we ask from adults in the areas of parenting, partnering, work, dealing with differnce, healing and learning. In each case, he shows that the modern world is set up so that people thrive best if they can use what he calls a fourth-order way of relating to the world, other people, and oneself.

This book helped me understand observations that had puzzled me, and suggests ways in which adult education theories (which generally drive me crazy) need to be expanded to explain what really happens when adults come together to learn.

One very interesting thing about this book is that Kegan is able to report on research studies that support his theory. Probably the most important thing this book does is to provide a framework for considering people in the context of how they individually construct the world and their relationship to it, which allows me to judge whether a person is authentic, courageuos or generous on his own terms, not on mine.

So often we struggle in a confusing and demanding world. Kegan shows us why - the bar has been raised so much so quickly that many of us are left behind. Usually we blame ourselves for being stupid, unmotivated, lazy or whatever. If, however, we realise that the level of awareness and self-motivation expected of us is so much greater than anything most of our parents were required to exhibit - and Kegan makes this case very convincingly - we can start to get a handle on it for ourselves and help others much more effectively. A very important and impressive book.

I will begin by simply admitting that of all the books that I have read in my life, this was one of the most laborious for me to finish. The first several chapters were rather grueling, I settled into things a bit in the middle, and the end was downright painful. I am not conceited enough to think that no book should ever be written that might challenge my mind, but I am also not some sort of mental misfit.

My frustration centers around the fact that Kegan's writing was so dense. Some of his sentences were whole paragraphs long, with multiple parenthetical phrases. I realize that Kegan is an intellectual giant and works in academia, but it seems to me that his greatest weakness (and the most significant barrier that prevents his ideas from reaching a broader audience) is his inability (or refusal, whichever the case may be) to write in a more accessible style. He mentioned in his Prologue that he apparently received considerable criticism about his earlier book, "The Evolving Self," for its inaccessibility. If "In Over Our Heads" is an improvement, I shudder to think about reading its predecessor.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that Kegan doesn't have some helpful things to say. In fact, the overarching premise of the book (that modern life demands adults to process on a fourth level of consciousness, which is all too rare and leaves many people struggling to keep their heads above water) is solid and makes sense. And the anecdotes and stories that he includes are helpful in clarifying his points. But I just didn't think it was worth the effort to try to wade through his writing style. I'm sure that many social scientists have been captivated by this book, but for the general population, only the rarest of readers will find Kegan sufficiently engaging to endure this beast. I'm glad that I got through it, but I'm hard-pressed to recommend it to others.

By using various theories and examples, this book explains the parallels between the evolution of consciousness and the development of human consciousness in a lifetime. It is an exciting book that places our problems and developmental steps in the context of the evolution of our mind and how the two are related to each other as well as how we can become fragmented when the two are out of sync with each other. It is an excellent book that allows us to make sense of our present state and also take a glimpse into the future of our evolution. If you like books like this on consciousness, I would highly recommend "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is an absolutely fascinating book that explains these things in a simple (perhaps Zenlike) way that everybody can grasp. Two thumbs up both Kegan and Sato!

The tadpole does not know that he is to become a frog.

The caterpillar does not know she will become a butterfly.

The medieval peasant does not know his grandson will become a citizen.

The astrologer and alchemist do not forsee astronomy and chemistry.

The greatest 18th century philosopher could not anticipate Freud and self-awareness.

The greatest 18th century scientist could not anticipate Darwin and the material basis for much of life.

Yet, today we expect the average American throughout his life to function at a level of self-awareness, maturity, mutiple dimensions, consciousness and technical competency beyond the wisest persons alive in 1850 - in all dimensions of life - as a parent, spouse, worker, community and church member. The American tradition idolizes the simple, self-sufficient Jeffersonian farmer and settler. It also provides optimism about the future and the boundless energy and ability of Americans to conquer the West and the future.

Kegan presents a compelling argument and framework demonstrating that science, culture and society have moved beyond the ability of most citizens to keep pace in any meaningful way. It is a tragedy that there has not been follow-up research, solutions and public policy to build upon these important insights. The Gerbil wheel keeps turning faster and faster and faster. We wonder what is wrong. We blame China, terrorists, Arabs, Russia, liberals or fundamentalists. The requirements of our world have outstripped the ability of our cultural institutions to prepare us for competence, let alone success, in the new world.

This is a disturbing account of the modern situation. We ignore it at our peril and the future of our society. 100 years from today, this will be seen as a watershed book - as a wake-up call, or one that was ignored.

An unknown Harvard author recommended to me by the Executive Leadership in Academic Medicine, I looked upon the book as text, at first. Sometimes the book came across with issues "already known," but many sections rapidly became transformative as the author build on what I already knew to expand it into the truly new. A thoughtful often enlightening look at the mental challenges of the "evolving self," it can produce a wildly positive paradigm shift for educators of students of all ages, and to those of us involved in employment assistance programs.

Kegan is the man, the mind, the leader in documenting, identifying and defining the evolving state of the self in life.

I've had the great pleasure of reading this book, many times as well as The Evolving Self. I won't bother comparing them at the moment but say I've loved and learned from this both. I have shared this book with more people than I can recall.

If you're at all interested in a map of our varied "levels" of operating, read this book. Easy it won't be--at first--but trust that you'll get the rhythm and it will carry you away. I know he's a complex writer at times but once you get that, it becomes a strength not an issue.

I'd further add, I've spent some nice time with Dr. Kegan and have found him to be as pleasant, enjoyable, and humorous as he is brilliant.

If you're looking for a Harry Potter sort of view of life, run but if you're "man enough" to take the truth, get this now.

We'll all be better for you having read it.

This is a wonderful, thoughtful/mindful read. Highly recommended for anyone wanting a more encompassing look at their own self development, a cognitive-emotional view of the process of self-hood that has been lost on recent academic takes on growth, process, and development beyond "adulthood". Not just for individuals, Organizations surely would benefit too, as Kegan makes a unequivocal case that by enlarging our frames, our capacities, and stretching our self-definitions in the context of family, romantic relationships, and work, we find both greater freedom from the previous "known" and help others in our communication and example to see their own. He even goes beyond this context and reaches into male-female, cultural, and group "otherness" and how growth in our own ideological frames can and does buffer against the constraints of automatic thinking in favor of a more inclusive, more encompassing way of relating, as a result of our own ever adapting self process engaging in the the "mental demands" of our time.

This book is not only good for seeing the stages of development but also how our culture demands them of us and the elements of how we are to develop to meet those demands. excellent