The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap [Paperback]

Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld M.D. (Author), Nicole Wise (Author), Dr. Robert Coles M.D. (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 7, 2001

Do you find yourself asking "Whose life is it anyway?" Parenting today has come to resemble a relentless to-do list. Even parents with the best intentions strive to micro-manage every detail of their kids' lives and live in constant fear that their child will under-perform in any area--academic, social, athletic. Lists and schedules, meetings and appointments invade our every moment and the need to be the best dominates--and undermines--our own sense of self as well as our children's. In this groundbreaking new book, renowed child psychiatrist Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and longtime family-issues journalist Nicole Wise combine personal and professional experience to take action against what they see as our overeager pursuit of perfection. The clear, comforting steps they prescribe to attack this rampant phenomenon will promote healthier and happier children and revitalize the parenting experience.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

If you've just sat down after a day that included taking your very intelligent child to a Kumon math tutoring session, shuttling another to soccer practice and piano lessons, supervising the homework of both to make sure it's perfect, and making a midnight trip to the grocery store to pick up the organic grapes for tomorrow's nutritionally balanced lunches, then Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? is for you. According to authors Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and Nicole Wise, there's a lot of this kind of hyper-parenting going on out there. This parenting style can be loosely defined as one that attempts to control everything in a child's environment with the aim of achieving a perfect outcome. It's not realistic or healthy, say the authors. Chapter by chapter, examining everything from parents' reliance on "expert" opinions to the huge impact of media messages on parent behavior, Rosenfeld and Wise make a compelling argument for their premise. They encourage parents to turn the lens inward and ask themselves what messages they are sending--not with their words, but with their behavior. Hyper-Parenting is a book for parents at every stage in the parenting game. It's never too late, or too early, to try to tune out some of the noisy clamor around us and thoughtfully reflect on our values and what we really want for our children. --Virginia Smyth --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

In our society, where parents feel pressured to enroll children in preschool while they are still in utero, this book is a refreshing splash of cool water. In contrast to "winning above all else," Rosenfeld, a child psychiatrist, advocates "just playing" and just spending time with one's children rather than living the overbooked family life of a stereotypical soccer mom. He notes that family schedules are at a breaking point and that parents face a great deal of guilt and anxiety because they cannot give their children everything. He promotes the need for more balance and suggests that parents take to heart Dr. Spock's advice for parents to trust themselves. He further recommends abandoning the notion that parents' lives revolve solely around their children and revisits the concept of children being a part of the daily discourse of a family, where they learn a great deal more about living by having the opportunity to observe adults in an adult world. A wake-up call to parents everywhere; recommended without reservation for public libraries.
-Lisa Powell Williams, Moline P.L., IL
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (April 7, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312263392
• ISBN-13: 978-0312263393
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #752,528 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent resource for overinvolved parents, September 13, 2000

By 

Galvatron "Galvatron" (Denver, CO United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Hyper-Parenting : Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? (Hardcover)

If you've fallen victim to seeing parenting as a competitive sport, you need to read this book. Rosen has nothing against Baby Mozart, soccer leagues, and all the other activities that parents and kids adopt for the best intentions. But he and his coauthor are reasonable voices, pointing out that by micromanaging our children's lives, we're giving them the message that they can neither function or make judgments without parental intervention. This is an excellent book that will help both parent and child.

33 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Great topic, but not too well executed, June 30, 2002

By 

Joan "joan2742" (Edgewater, MD, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Hyper-Parenting : Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? (Hardcover)

Hyper-Parenting possesses the best of intentions, and is not lacking in insight and even, in places, eloquence. But the overall message is confusing and disjointed, and I was left unsatisfied in the end.

One big problem is that what "hyper-parenting" means precisely is never truly established. One chapter criticizes the perfectly natural tendency to cherish a child in the womb. Another chapter discusses stressed children being pressured to ???excel??? in status-laden endeavors. Are both these totally different situations "hyper-parenting?" In one spot we are rightfully reminded that "the important and meaningful connections [with our kids]defy scheduling." But in another place, we are apparently encouraged to schedule yet more time away from the kids "for the things we want to do." Why, so we can be sure to miss those important and meaningful connections? Can the reader be blamed for feeling a little confused?

The authors seem to assume that families are frazzled mostly because parents just take too much time doing things for the kids. Potential stress-builders, according to the book, include not only individualistic activities like music lessons and sports, but also family-building activities like nightly dinner at home. Unstructured family time is praised, but the book's assumption seems to be that this time will be suddenly abundant if we just quit karate. The possibility that Mom and Dad each take 50+ hours a week to work, and that this might be a big contributing factor, basically goes unaddressed. Such a one-sided view of the busyness problems suffered many families is not likely to be very helpful in the real world.

The book is plagued in several spots by poor philosophy. The authors talk sincerely of ethics, but then take an entire chapter decrying excessive "self-sacrifice" and "martyrdom". But the problems the book describes are based mostly on status seeking or an inadequate understanding of family life. The differences between these poor choices and authentic self-giving are not considered. The last chapter treats us to a relativistic essay about how we each need to figure out the fundamental questions of life based on "feelings." So objective reality has nothing to do with the fundamental questions of life? Was this shallow pop philosophy really necessary?

Fundamentally, this book doesn't succeed as well as it could because it combines too many topics under one umbrella without doing a sufficient job of defining terms, making distinctions and just thinking things through. What could have been a fine book ends up inconsistent and somewhat rambling. It needs to be re-written.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Timely and important for today's overstressed parents, March 14, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Hyper-Parenting : Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? (Hardcover)

Dr. Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise remind us of what is really important and valuable in our lives. So many parents, in the process of pushing themselves and their children to win, succeed and outstrip the next guy, lose sight of what truly matters. The authors also remind us of the loss of joy and delight that parents deprive themselves of in the rat race to raise overscheduled and underappreciated kids. A highly readable book for parents which can help them lead more meaningful lives.