Customer Reviews

Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I feel that this book hasn't given me any solutions to overcome my jealous behavior. There are some solutions but they are not very detailed in how to use them through different stages and situations in a relationship. I think that this book is more helpful for those people who are dating or married to someone who is jealous. Overall I think that if you are a jealous person looking for a book to help you change then I think that you should look for another book.

Now I have your attention I cannot tell you the dramatic difference this little book did for me and my marriage. One day my wife comes up to me and says out of the blue "Im not happy I want to seperate, please pack a bag and get out" I was blown away I did not see this coming at all!

This book will NOT underline NOT save your marriage... You will. This is going to take a bit of maturity on your part and also willingness for you to change your behaviors. Let me tell you what I was doing so you dont think I am just some guy who was only slightly jealous.

The more I tried to smother her and deny her basic freedoms the more she pushed away from me. The more she pushed away the harder I tried and the more jealous I became. I did things that were so unbelievable I still cant believe I did them. I used to set up a video camera to watch the house while I was at work so I could see who was coming over to sleep with her. I would find excuses to leave work early so I could suprise her and see who she was sleeping with. Nothing ever proved anything. But in my jealous mind any thing I found like a sock on the floor, proved her infidelity. This meant that I would accuse her of sleeping with people, I was nervous of every man in her life because they obvously wanted to sleep with her and I knew it. I wanted to know where she went and for how long so that I could then question her later and see if her stories were the same if she said one thing wrong I used that to accuse her of visiting other guys. I read her emails to see who she was writing and what they were saying about me. Basically I was a mess. When I began to realize this I slowly started to see what I had done wrong and it all was like a light going off. I had not seen what I was doing. I was like a dog that is chained up and is pulling to get a bone, the more I pulled the tighter the coller was getting and the more it choked me.

I would also suggest a marriage counselor for you and your spouse or partner. Yes this book will help for people that have domestic partners and boyfriend/girlfriends. If you see any hope in the relationship at all dont give up. You can do it! Dont become another statistic.

Overall I thought this was a good book. It is an easy read. I do however think it focuses too much on what jealousy is and how the jealous person should take the blame (which I agree with), but it does not give enough solutions to the problem. No exercises or anything like that to help someone control these rages. There are no concrete long term solutions to the problem. At times it felt like the author was saying this is your problem, it's your fault, and you need to do something about it but never gives any concrete suggestions. Overall had some good advice and definitely makes one feel that this "neurosis" as the author puts it can be defeated. . On the other hand I thought that some of the advice was too general and perhaps bad advice. For example the authot offers as one solution to having your partner conducting flirty phone calls in front of you was to do the same to them. I'm not sure if that is so healthy for a relationship. I feel that might come under the 2 wrongs don't make a right category. It's cheap and can be read quick enough that it's certainly worth a try. Don't think it will change your life or anything but a good place to start.

I drove away a girl that I loved in just 3 short months! I knew that I was kind of insecure and had poor self-esteem, but I had no idea that I was acting possesively and extremely jealous towards her once I finally fell in love. When we first started dating she fell in love with me quickly. She never saw my bad side untill I fell in love with her, then all hell broke loose. Now I thought that I owned her. It started with false jealous accusations, and the constant need for assurance of her love for me, even after my harsh verbal and mental abuses. As her resentment grew, and as I felt her pulling away, I became desparate and acted possesively towards her. All I knew is that I needed her to love me the way she did when we first met.
She ended the relationship after three months, but wanted to "still be friends". I could not accept her leaving, and became more possesive and jealous whenever I saw her untill she could not deal with me anymore, and I could not deal with being "just a friend" so we decided not to speak to each other again.

I saw myself in this book, and it has confirmed to me that my thoughts and actions were that of a possesive and jealous person. (I blamed my girlfriend or anything else I could think of for causing me to react the way I was.)
Just discovering this about myself alone has opened my eyes and started a change in me, but the book has also taught me how to change the way I think. This book uses many true life examples of the possesively jealous person and how they were able to overcome their harmful thinking patterns.

I am now learning to love myself unconditionaly first, and that I can change or "unlearn" any negative behavior or thinking patterns that I have learned in the past.

I'm sure that I will be ready for the next relationship!

This book is amazing! I read this book when I was in a relationship that I was always being possessive of my boyfriend, and always would get jealous even if he would look at a picture of another girl. In my mind, I thought that he shouldn't be able to look at other people, because he was my boyfriend. This book helped me overcome my jealousness, just not of my boyfriend, but also for others as well. I find that I am no longer possessive of the guys that I date in relationships now, because this book has helped me understand why I felt the need to act that way, and how to overcome your actions. I would definently recommend this book to anybody who does not understand why they are so jealous and or possessive of their significant others, or also for people who's significant other has told them they need to 'get over it'. Definently MONEY WISELY SPENT on this book!

Before reading this book, I did not realize I had a problem with my jealous tendencies toward my wife. I thought her loss of feelings for me was due to some external factor. However, this book helped me realize that it is my insecurity that produced these feelings of jealousy and it was only natural for my wife's feelings to change toward me as a result. Mr. Hauck does not pull any punches in telling the jealous person that it is not their partner's fault, the fault lies with themselves. I don't know if I can save my current marriage but I know that the advice I obtained from this book will help me in future relationships. Whenever I start having feelings of insecurity in any relationship I'll be sure to pull this book out to reread. I only wish I had this book 6 months ago before my relationship with my wife changed.

...after having problems in my relationship, I decided to visit a local bookstore for some self help. By chance I grabbed this book and began reading, it seemed as though the book was written about me. I never realized that I was jealous and possessive. I could not put the book down until I finished it. This book is so eye opening I have decided to purchase it and keep it with me as support for controling my views as a jealous and possessive person. Thank you Paul A. Hauck!!!!

This book was horrible. I was shocked to see it was published in 1981 because I was sure it must have been 1951. I purchased it looking for helpful information and insightful analysis. I think there was some of that, but it was tainted by the archaic, stereotypical comments tossed in periodically. For example, there is an important point made about time and refers to the career plans of a husband and how it can destroy his marriage - especially a young husband who is trying to get his career moving. The book warns that this kind of guy should warn his fiancée since she might be looking for a mate who will be home for supper every night. I don't know too many young wives who are sitting at home all day, NOT working on their careers, and "making supper" every night. The section on physical harm was a bit surprising as well. I hope I can quote...."You get beat up if you don't make waves, and you get beat up if you do. So why not take your chances and assert yourself? What have you to lose? When your health is in danger, go down fighting or get out of the arrangement." Another sentence a bit later was, "Most women gain greater respect and freedom by rebelling against violence. It must be confessed, however, that in some cases the rebellion may bring on even worse beatings. It's a chance usually worth taking, but be aware of the odds at all times." Am I the only one who reads that and just thinks "HUH???!!" I just hope no one in that situation is following that weird logic. Anyway, parts of the book were right on, but these other parts just spoiled it, and I was disappointed overall.

This book was written in 1981 and it seems to deal with women primarily as those who stay at home and have dinner on the table for their hard-working husbands. I agree with the other reviewer that this book is more effective for the person dealing with the jealous spouse or significant other. Not enough useful solutions/scenarios offered for the jealous person in dealing with his/her own problems.

I purchased this book with the expectation that it would provide some useful insights into my mildly jealous behavior and obsessive thoughts. However, I found it to be written in an entirely judgemental, demeaning way toward the jealous person. It does not help the self-doubt and inferiority of the jealous person. Rather, it belittles him/her through Mr. Hauck's condescending and inconsiderate language.

While I am not one to proclaim the virtues of political correctness, I found this self-help book to be judgemental in a way that self-help books should not be. Self-help books should treat its readers as respectful individuals with a problem that they earnestly want to change on their own or as a supplement to therapy.

One striking example of how Mr. Hauck's book does the polar opposite to this is his statement about jealous persons' self-defeating behavior early on in the book. Jealous persons' behavior is described as "retarded": "One of the most amazing characteristics of jealous and possessive persons is that they are psychologically blind. Yet these people are often bright, sophisticated, and beautiful. They are capable and outstanding in many areas of their lives. But when it comes to their loved ones, the jealous individuals actually act as though they were retarded" (pp. 19-20). How can jealous persons achieve any headway in their regaining positive self-worth when they are described as "retarded"?

Usually, self-help books have a positive disclaimer indicating that there is no right or wrong interpretation of a situation or a "correct" way of handling a situation. However, Hauck's book is actually dictatorial.

If you do decide to purchase this book, please do so with a very large grain of salt. The language Mr. Hauck uses does not promote the process of achieving positive self-worth of jealous persons, which is ultimately one of the keys to overcoming jealousy.