Customer Reviews

Overcoming Life's Disappointments

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

One of the hardest things for anyone to learn, no matter where you are in life, or how much money you have, is coping with times when things don't turn out as you expect. Some people never recover, while others seem to sail past a disaster with hardly a break in stride. The trick isn't in what the disaster is, but how they've handled it.

Longtime author Harold S. Kushner, best known for his When Bad Things Happen to Good People, takes an intriguing look on the ability to cope by using the figure of Moses from the Bible. Yes, that Moses. Out of all of the various people in the Torah, he is undoubtably the most complex. Most of us tend to visualize him as a certain actor from Hollywood, brawny, noble and imposing, able to smite down miscreants when a single blow, but for those who have studied Moses in the Bible find someone a bit more closer to earth.

And if anyone had to deal with disappointment, it's certainly Moses. Called upon to lead the captive Jews out of Egypt, and facing down the most powerful ruler on Earth, it seems that once he's got them out in the wilderness at Sinai, things ought to be improving. Instead, what is happening when he returns with the first set of tablets? Why, they're worshipping an idol in the shape of a golden calf. And it doesn't even stop there -- throughout the forty years of exile, the people complain of thirst, hunger, and on and on and on -- enough to make anyone throw up their hands in disgust and walk away. And perhaps most bitter of all, Moses is denied entry into the Promised Land, and only allowed a glimpse of the goal that he's worked so hard for as he is dying. You have to admit, that's quite a disappointment.

But not once during all of these setbacks, does Moses tell God that he gives up. he might protest that he might not be able to handle the burden, but he does try to complete it. And it's this message that Rabbi Kushner uses to best effect in this book, giving a positive use for the times when disappointment enters our lives, and not to give up. In a society where it seems that perfection is demanded, and failure is viewed as a moral failing rather than something that occurs in every person's life, getting the view across that disappointment is a means of building character rather than a sign that you're not going to amount to much.

It's not a very long book, easily read within a few hours time, but the contents are informative and meaningful. Rabbi Kushner's writing style is very fluid and readable, keeping technical jargon, and while he does go off on tangents regularly, he never forgets what he is talking about. The only problem that I did have was that the tangents occured quite a bit, and were occansionally annoying.

Still, despite the flaws, it's a good book, and earned the four stars that I gave it overall. More importantly, it gives a positive human message that is reassuring and needed in our rather complicated, perfectionist society, and one that is sorely needed.

Serendiptitously I came across this book at a key juncture of my fast approaching mid-life; a time when I felt that I had finally righted the wrongs of my past, made ammends with my soul for opportunities lost, and a new script was about to take on flesh. In short, I was sure that I had successfully authored my own comeback, resurrection, starting-over-point.

However events would soon interfere and these best crafted, thought out plans were not to be so, nor, does it seem, will they ever be. I found myself instant robbed of meaning at age 46--in short, on the world's stage with no script and, hence, no part.

Rabbi Kushner's work is a deeply moving and profound look at the ultimate "what if..." question that haunts humankind; "What if things don't turn out for good?" His book is spiritual without being mystical; practical without being profane; humane without being overly humanist.

After reading and praying over this book, I've come to the realization that life is precious; that it is something more than to be mastered or even tolerated. Life itself is a sacred mystery, and whether we win or suffer defeat, gain or lose, achieve or fail, truly, that which does not destroy us makes us stronger. This, according to the good and blessed Rabbi, is our goal.

Rabbi Kushner's new book, "Overcoming Life's Disappointments" is a good friend to have if you've got some adversity in your life. He takes Moses, who spent 40 years wandering in the desert with his people and then was forbidden to enter the promised land with them, as his model on how a good person copes with trials. His advice is that life continues to have good things in store for us even after our dreams are shattered, if we don't let ourselves become hardened and embittered but keep our minds and hearts open. This sounds obvious enough, but it's easier said than done. Rabbi Kushner provides many stories from his long career to explain how we can cope. As a self-confessed admirer of Sigmund Freud, he's not big on the mystical or intuitive aspects of religion. He's more of a "duty is its own reward" kind of guy. But he is a preacher of what C.S. Lewis called "the Tao": the basic "way" that most religions have in common. If you are looking for essential answers, Rabbi Kushner is a good place to start.

Who among us hasn't had a disappointment or two? Or three or four... OK, I'll stop counting. In this book Rabbi Harold S. turns his attention to how we can use disappointments to help us be better people. Using the story of Moses to illustrate his points, Rabbi Kushner explores all aspects of disappointment. When we aspire to achieve something, and fall short, we need to understand why we wanted it in the first place. Was it our authentic dream, or the dream our father had for us? Was the ideal really in our best interest? Did we work for it, or subversively against

it? Did we fully commit and keep our promises? Can we let go of dreams, yet keep their memory with us, knowing something better is yet to come?

Here's an excerpt:"What can we do with the dreams we have learned we must shed? Can we simply discard them as the embarrassing fantasies of immature youth? I don't see how we can or why we should. They were too much a part of us for too many years for us to pretend we never dreamed those dreams. When life gives us the inevitable message that our marriage will not be the 'happily ever after' we hoped it would, that our children will be other than who we dreamed they would be, that our careers will grind to a halt somewhere short of our imagined goal, and that the only road to sanity and happiness involves freeing ourselves from the tyranny of those dreams and the feelings of failure that accompany their nonfulfillment, what do we do then? We do what Moses did when he realized that his dream of teaching people to walk in Gods' ways would not be realized as easily as he had hoped, when the shattered fragments of the commandments written by the hand of God lay in pieces at his feet. He lovingly gathered up the pieces and carried them with him in the same Ark in which the whole stones of the replacement tablets rested..."Broken dreams, broken hearts, hopes unrealized should not be seen as emblems of shame, badges of failure. If anything, they are tokens of courage. We were brave enough to dream, brave enough to long

for so much, and when we did not get it, we were brave enough to carry the fragments of those dashed hopes with us into the future, telling us who we used to be as a prelude to our discovering who we might become."

Clear, simple and compelling advice on how to overcome life's disappointments. Many may be tempted to dismiss Rabbi Kushner's comments as so many platitudes. That would be a mistake. Kushner uses the life of Moses as a prism through which to filter challenges and setbacks that afflict us all in the course of our lives. He offers Moses as an inspiring example of people who struggle and transcend their limitations and setbacks. Kushner's is a compassionate and profound voice. Whether you are suffering from life kicking you in the teeth or expect to face challenges ahead -- which all of us will -- this book is a relatively quick read and contains many pearls of wisdom.

This book was especially helpful in viewing the curves that are thrown at you as you live your life. Nothing at times seems to go right , but this book helps to put things in perspective. Helps you look at things with more enlightenment. I recommend this book to those who are experiencing major events in their lives.

As with most of Harold Kushner's books, reading them is like having a weekly appointment with the good rabbi in his office. I imagine that those going through particular pain get the most from his writings. When that pain is not the issue, these writings can come across mildly thought provoking. In either case, the rabinical Torah study perspectives are interesting and can be useful. As a rabbi he has his experiences with life, just as we all have our experiences. I found myself thinking that I could elaborate on his thinking, and I guess I want to read someone who thinks beyond my attempts at figuring out life.

In my life I've read a huge number of books, to the point that some ideas are becoming to pop up over and over again, but with Kushner's books, new insight poses itself regularly. I find myself underlining or highlighting, or feeling inclined to anyway, most of the book. There are so many tidbits in this book that I love that it's hard to single out one to share. One I liked: An old rabbi named Zusya was nearing death and became agitated at the thought. As he had led an exemplary life, his followers asked why. He said, if God asks me why I wasn't another Moses, I can answer that He did not give me the greatness of soul that He gave Moses. If God asks me why I wasn't another Solomon, I can answer that He did not give me the wisdom of Solomon. But when He asks me, Zusya, why weren't you Zusya, why were you not the person I gave you the ability to be, I will have no defense. Kushner's books are a blessing to me.

Another solid book by Harold Kushner. He keeps getting better and better. This book addresses coming to terms with loss and adds perspective and inspiration to modern problems and challenges. His use of biblical references and the lessons that they have to share with all of us is priceless. It is a book that I read again and again for inspiration.

hkoor@hotmail.com

Extremely good book especially if you are experiencing a disappointment in your own life. It puts what is really important in life in perspective. Thought provoking and compassionate.