Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness [Paperback]

Tim Murphy (Author), Loriann Hoff Oberlin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 20, 2005

In Overcoming Passive-Aggression, Dr. Tim Murphy and Loriann Hoff Oberlin provide an in-depth look at a topic we've all faced but haven't always recognized: Hidden anger. When people don't express their views and feel compelled to conceal their true beliefs and emotions, behaving in ways that don't match what they honestly think, there can be serious physical and psychological results for everyone involved. For the first time, Murphy and Oberlin offer a clear definition of passive-aggression and show readers not only how to end the behavior, but also how to avoid falling victim to other people's hidden anger. In clear, compassionate language, they cover everything from the childhood origins of the condition to the devastating effect it has on work and personal relationships to the latest research on the subject, and offer practical, proven strategies for the angry person as well as the individual who finds himself the target of someone else's passive-aggression.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Hidden anger that comes out indirectly—through inappropriate, unproductive action or even inaction—can undermine relationships with friends, family and colleagues at work. Murphy, a psychologist and member of Congress, and Oberlin (coauthors of The Angry Child) closely examine how this kind of anger, called passive-aggressive, can undermine sufferers and their relationships and make life generally miserable. The authors also examine the problems faced by the victims of passive-aggressive behavior, who often don't understand why the angry person is acting as he does: "The nastiest thing about hidden anger is that it sneaks up on you... much like a boa constrictor that gradually tightens its grip until it's too late for you to get away." A frank and interesting chapter on the roots of anger in childhood is followed by constructive advice for those who experience hidden anger on how to handle that anger at work, at school and in a myriad of relationships. While acknowledging the complexity of the problem, the work provides ample opportunity (and exercises) for personal growth regardless of whether you are on the giving or receiving end of passive aggression. (Dec.)
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Review

"...scientifically well-grounded, beautifully written, and eminently practical in its discussion of...the expression of anger, direct and hidden." -- Theodore Millon, PhD, DSc, Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard University, author of Personality Disorders in Modern Life

"Overcoming Passive-Aggression helps passive-aggressives deal with their hidden anger and offers their targets ways to cope and manage." -- Martin Kantor, MD, author of Passive-Aggression: A Guide for the Therapist, the Patient, and the Victim

"If you struggle with your anger, this book will be invaluable in guiding you to healthier outlets for your feelings." -- Larry B. Silver, M.D., clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical Center

"This well-written and accessible book will help you recognize this problem in yourself and those whose hidden anger affects you." -- Redford Williams, MD and Virginia Williams, PhD, authors of Anger Kills

"Well-written and easy to read, Overcoming Passive-Aggression offers practical advice on ways to overcome the problem." -- Michael Thase, MD, University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and author of Beating the Blues

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press (October 20, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1569243611
• ISBN-13: 978-1569243619
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #138,913 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #75 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Personality Disorders

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hitting the Nail on the Head, February 3, 2006

By 

Seeker - See all my reviews

This review is from: Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness (Paperback)

Great book, and very readable. Anyone who has ever come away from a "sneak attack" encounter knowing they've been done in but not sure what just happened will appreciate the explanation of how to deal with hidden aggression. From school bullies to toxic relatives to smile-while-they-stab you co-workers, the book reveals what the tactics are, how hidden aggression works, and most importantly, how to effectively end the abuse. A must-read!

29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent advice for mixed messages and angry remarks, January 28, 2006

By 

Lydia - See all my reviews

This review is from: Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness (Paperback)

I've read a few books about how people behave, what they say to each other, and this is by far superior to many. Though other authors get rave publicity on 20/20 and other shows, their books lack substance. I especially liked the childhood component chapter to this as it explains why people might get so angry and hold things in. Then, as the authors show in countless examples, it sneaks out and bites you. What's best, it's not geared to one gender as some books are these days so it helps everyone. I understand passive aggressive people a LOT better after reading this book and highlighting a few sections. I'm sure I'll refer to it next time I'm thrown by a difficult person.

52 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Totally and thoroughly covers topic, January 21, 2006

By 

Avid Reader "Avid Reader" (Texas) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness (Paperback)

I'm not sure why "book addict" posted such a negative review because it is clear he/she hasn't read the book. First, Congressman Murphy humbly mentions his political career only in the introduction -- appropriate there for sure -- and then stays with his experience helping individuals and families as a psychologist. As for organization, I found it immensely helpful in beginning descriptions of how a passive-aggressive person becomes this way, and the authors write about the bigger picture of hidden anger. While they mention in the back of the book a list of personality disorders, that part of the material is so in the background, and the focus is wholeheartedly on passive-aggression and other types of angry concealers at work, at home, in relationships, in everyday life. Sometimes it's the self-absorbed, passive-aggressive character; other times the depressed, passive-aggressive person. This is the only book out there that clarifies this phenomenon this way. So what's the real problem with that unless it's personal or hits home?

We have ALL seen this behavior at play, and I'd posit that we're seeing it in certain posts when reviewers have not read the book. In this case, I'd stick with the professional trade publication reviews (Publishers Weekly and Library Journal) telling us more about this book than any angry reviewer with an ax to grind. If they said it examines the topic well and grasps the material -- that's the deciding vote for any prospective reader/book buyer, in my opinion!