Customer Reviews

Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

Great book, and very readable. Anyone who has ever come away from a "sneak attack" encounter knowing they've been done in but not sure what just happened will appreciate the explanation of how to deal with hidden aggression. From school bullies to toxic relatives to smile-while-they-stab you co-workers, the book reveals what the tactics are, how hidden aggression works, and most importantly, how to effectively end the abuse. A must-read!

I've read a few books about how people behave, what they say to each other, and this is by far superior to many. Though other authors get rave publicity on 20/20 and other shows, their books lack substance. I especially liked the childhood component chapter to this as it explains why people might get so angry and hold things in. Then, as the authors show in countless examples, it sneaks out and bites you. What's best, it's not geared to one gender as some books are these days so it helps everyone. I understand passive aggressive people a LOT better after reading this book and highlighting a few sections. I'm sure I'll refer to it next time I'm thrown by a difficult person.

I'm not sure why "book addict" posted such a negative review because it is clear he/she hasn't read the book. First, Congressman Murphy humbly mentions his political career only in the introduction -- appropriate there for sure -- and then stays with his experience helping individuals and families as a psychologist. As for organization, I found it immensely helpful in beginning descriptions of how a passive-aggressive person becomes this way, and the authors write about the bigger picture of hidden anger. While they mention in the back of the book a list of personality disorders, that part of the material is so in the background, and the focus is wholeheartedly on passive-aggression and other types of angry concealers at work, at home, in relationships, in everyday life. Sometimes it's the self-absorbed, passive-aggressive character; other times the depressed, passive-aggressive person. This is the only book out there that clarifies this phenomenon this way. So what's the real problem with that unless it's personal or hits home?

We have ALL seen this behavior at play, and I'd posit that we're seeing it in certain posts when reviewers have not read the book. In this case, I'd stick with the professional trade publication reviews (Publishers Weekly and Library Journal) telling us more about this book than any angry reviewer with an ax to grind. If they said it examines the topic well and grasps the material -- that's the deciding vote for any prospective reader/book buyer, in my opinion!

At last, a book primarily geared to telling the layperson all about passive-aggressive men and women. Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin's Overcoming Passive-Aggression helps passive-aggressives deal with their hidden anger and offers the targets of passive-aggressives ways to cope with, manage, and help out the passive-aggressives in their lives. There are sections on what creates anger; why anger has to be expressed in an unhealthy, indirect, fashion; what to do to feel less angry, or failing that how to express the anger inside in more effective and less destructive ways; and how to respond in a remedial fashion to others with their own hidden anger problems. Passive-aggressives themselves, and those who live with them on a daily basis will find this book brimming with insights and useful advice-a virtual smorgasbord of ideas that one can seize, make one's own, and put to immediate use. Scattered throughout the revealing and instructive case examples that illustrate the various scenarios of hidden anger in different contexts, discussions of core interactive processes (always sugar-coated to be comprehensible to the layman), and proffered specific remedial tactics are memorable maxims and charming asides that elicit old welcome feelings of familiarity and bring forth new eureka "so that's it" responses of recognition and pleasant surprise. By Martin Kantor, author of Passive-Aggression: A Guide for the Therapist, the Patient and the Victim

One the best self-help books I've read. This book takes both the view of people who are passive-aggressive, referred to has hidden anger, and those around them affected by these behaviors. It has really helped me both understand how to be assertive with emotions and address hidden anger in others around me. The book's philosophy is "knowledge is power" rather than taking a prescription approach. Every reader can take this knowledge and apply it in their own lives, work setting, school and with children and other family members.

Highly readable and helpful book on hidden anger. The authors provide helpful methods for dealing with sneaky anger in different settings from work, school, and for couples, parents and employers. I particularly enjoyed the description of four types of angry families, "The troubled family where anger is the voice of pain, the frantic family where anger is the voice of stress, the angry family where anger is the voice of power, the indulging family where anger is the voice of desire." Readers can recognize their own hidden anger, as well as that of others, and learn to react in ways that produce better relationships. The authors do a good job demonstrating the destructiveness of passive-aggressive behavior. I found the chapter "Rewriting Your Own Anger Script" helpful for clients who find it difficult to communicate feelings with others. Readers learn to identify their own feelings and needs, communicate effectively, while taking care of the anxiety this can foster.

This has truly changed my life. I have been mistreated by my husband's sister for 17 years, it has been a horrible experience. The little digs, rude comments, setting me up. Then playing innocent victim. (The example scenario page with man and his new fiance and his sister, could be my true life excerpt). I never understood and then I read this book. Now I get it. What makes her do what she does. It has been so very enlightening and such a relief to understand. It was never even about me. It is about her, and her low self esteem and jealousy. Although I still don't want her in my life, I no longer have such bitter feelings for her. I feel for her. It has helped me in everyday life to be more compassionate to others. The anger we see usually has nothing to do with us. This book has made me a kinder person. A MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you authors for tackling this troubling topic as I've met my share of manipulative people -- at work and in relationships -- and know friends who have literally been driven into therapy dealing with such difficult, annoying people. You make good points (that we can all be this way once in a while) and offer helpful reminders (how to be assertive, not angry). I'd recommend this to my friends and family because everyone encounters these types, and you've offered a lot of hope for people to improve their circumstances. -- a reader thankful for the guidance!

As a psychotherapist, I am always interested in self-help books that might be valuable to myself and my clients. This book, along with Scott Wexzler's book, "Living with the Passive-Agressive Man," are the two books I continually recommend to those people who feel angry and "crazy" in relationships and yet don't quite understand what is going on. This book is especially valuable because not only does the author define passive-aggressive behavior, he gives concrete ideas of how to constructively recognize and address it. Also, he provides a realistic assessment of the effects p/a has on a relationship and the difficulty one will have in recognizing and disengaging from this anger. Well written and easy to follow, this book is a valuable asset to anyone caught up in the tentacles of passive aggressive, or hidden, anger.

I bought this book thinking it would give me insights into one specific area, but it has informed so many different aspects of my life. There is not a lot of filler, and I found every chapter to be informative and worth reading. The title is accurately descriptive. It includes practical information that applies to all different kinds of personal and professional relationships. It was a real eye opener in terms of understanding certain behaviors and the various ways anger may manifest or be transferred. It also has great advice on how to recognize when hidden anger is being manifested and how to minimize its impact on yourself. My husband is reading it now, and said he will probably re-read it. I agree that this is that kind of book--one I will turn to again and again in the future.