Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship [Paperback]

Jeffrey Bernstein (Author), Susan Magee (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 3, 2003

Most people think that poor communication is the reason why so many relationships end, but it's actually the way we learn to think about our partners and our problems that kills trust, erodes intimacy, and cripples communication. In Why Can't You Read My Mind?, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein reveals-for the first time-the nine toxic thought patterns at work in virtually every relationship, and shows couples how these distorted, negative, exaggerated thoughts can poison their love and end their union. With warmth and wisdom, Bernstein offers a simple yet powerful approach for breaking the toxic thinking cycle and helps readers establish new and more positive thinking habits for solving their problems and dealing with the stresses of everyday life. Packed with practical advice and valuable insights, Why Can't You Read My Mind? makes it possible for couples to remain in or return to loving relationships permanently, and points the way toward finding a truer kind of love with one another for the first time. Perfect for couples wanting to maintain their loving relationship as well as for those working to restore their love, this book provides the missing link, enabling couples to beat the relationship odds and sustain a long-term relationship.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Bernstein, a psychologist specializing in couples and family therapy, and Magee (The Power of Positive Confrontation) offer partners a way to renew the spark in their relationships in this succinct self-help guide. They claim that one of the most significant steps is to focus on yourself rather than your partner by ridding yourself of toxic thoughts, "negative thoughts that have lost their basis in reality and have gotten out of control." Examining nine toxic thought patterns (such as jumping to conclusions, labeling one another and playing the "blame game"), the authors provide well-researched explanations, relevant examples and practical alternatives to transform negative thoughts and behaviors into positive and constructive ones.
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Review

"All couples should read this book and give their relationship a chance for a deeper and longer lasting love." -- Nadine J. Carpenter, LCSW

"Bernstein and Magee ... will assist any motivated couple in making meaningful changes in their relationship." -- Monroe A. Bruch, Professor of Counseling Psychology, University of Albany, State University of New York

"This book [will]...help your relationship become better, less conflicted, and more romantic—even if your partner doesn’t read it!" -- Steven D. Mullinix, Ph.D.

"This excellent book ... gives detailed guidance on how to create a lasting love. I heartily recommend it." -- Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., New York Times best-selling author of Getting the Love You Want

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1 edition (November 3, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1569244758
• ISBN-13: 978-0465042876
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #14,379 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 72 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very eye-opening!!, March 4, 2005

By 

Amanda (West Lawn, PA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship (Paperback)

This book really makes you take a look at how you are contributing to the problems in your relationship, I found myself saying "wow, i do that"....A LOT. For me, and i would guess most people when they are having relationship problems get to a point where they think they have done everything they can to fix it....when really we do just the opposite. I always considered myself extremely giving and open and my partner totally selfish, and reading this book made me realize how selfish i am. I think this book is a great tool for looking at our own behavior..Also, it gives plenty of great examples and ways to improve.

67 of 70 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Real Eye Opener, October 23, 2003

By 

Clare J Daniels (Springfield, PA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship (Paperback)

I read several good relationship books (including Relationship Rescue) but this book really does bring to light a problem I never knew I had--toxic thinking. Just since reading the book over the weekend, I've already improved my relationship with my husband of nine years. I know this sounds crazy but it's true. The author really gets you thinking about how you think about your relationship and sometimes it's not very positive. Though it's very common sense, it's just not the kind of thing I would have realized on my own. I also like the author's style, very upbeat and fun, not at all psycho babbly like a lot of congnitive relationship books.

47 of 48 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Saved My Marriage!, April 19, 2006

By 

A Reader (Washington, DC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship (Paperback)

Before we found this book, my husband and I were highly discourgaged and didn't think there were any solutions to repair our miserable relationship. All I can say is that this book finally stopped us from resenting and blaming each other for the crumbling of our marriage. I had seen Dr. Bernstein on the Today Show a while ago when they had a segment on toxic relationships and I remembered the title, Why Can't You Read My Mind? This book helped us to understand and appreciate each other in ways we never have before. I only wish that I had bought it before our relationship got so bad. My advice is don't wait till the 11th hour to read this outstanding book.