PAST: PERFECT! PRESENT: TENSE!: Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower [Paperback]

Julie Donner Andersen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 31, 2003

Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower, an exciting new book and the first of its genre, offers readers a personal glimpse into the life of a "WOW" (Wife Of a Widower). Sensitively written by Julie Donner Andersen, a WOW herself, the book is a clear and honest portrayal of the roller coaster ride of emotional ups and downs that most new WOW's endure, and includes reassuring quotes from fellow WOW's who validate Mrs. Andersen's research. The author also empathetically describes the heart of a widower and how the WOW can relate compassionately to his grief issues while at the same time, protecting her own sense of security, self worth, and dignity. Best of all, this book offers valuable and sensible advice from someone "in the know" regarding how to deal with WOW-related issues in marriage.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Julie's sharp wit & accessible personality add just the right touch of effervescence to this powerful resource for W.O.W.s! -- - Nicole L. Weyant, Founder of iStepfamily.com and author of Striving for Peace: Managing Conflict in Non-Custodial Home

This book is a must-have for all W.O.W.'s ... counselors, clergy or anyone else looking to expand their areas of empathy. -- Susan Law Company, Author of Brotherly Love, Unfinished Business and Push On

With honesty, grace and clarity, Mrs. Andersen offers a welcomed companion for the amazingly courageous wife of a widower! -- Karon Phillips Goodman --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Publisher

Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! Insights From One Woman’s Journey As The Wife Of A Widower, an exciting new book and the first of its genre, offers readers a personal glimpse into the life of a "WOW" (Wife Of a Widower).

Sensitively written by Julie Donner Andersen, a WOW herself, the book is a clear and honest portrayal of the roller coaster ride of emotional ups and downs that most new WOWs endure. It includes reassuring quotes from fellow WOWs who validate Ms. Andersen’s research. The author also empathetically describes the heart of a widower and how the WOW can relate compassionately to his grief issues while at the same time, protecting her own sense of security, self worth, and dignity.

Best of all, Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! offers valuable and sensible advice about how to deal with WOW-related issues in marriage, such as what to expect and how to deal with guilt feelings, grief triggers, living with the past, interpersonal relationships with the late wife’s family and with the rest of society, becoming a WOW stepmother, and setting personal WOW boundaries. The chapter called "Embracing The Late Wife" is both compelling and moving. There is also a funny yet informative chapter devoted to how society can best approach a WOW, what to say and do in her presence, and what not to say and do.

Ms. Andersen has penned a book that will surely be a comforting resource for newlywed WOWs, future brides of widowers, and widowers contemplating remarriage. Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! will also be a wealth of fascinating information for the non-WOW as well. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 158 pages
• Publisher: iUniverse (March 31, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0595274803
• ISBN-13: 978-0595274802
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (70 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #333,646 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars " Flight of fantasy", December 29, 2005

By 

woman of strength "Carlar" (Mo) - See all my reviews

This review is from: PAST: PERFECT! PRESENT: TENSE!: Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower (Paperback)

If you are a new GOW or WOW and looking for help with the subject of dating a widower...this book can be dangerous!! In the begining you have such confusion and look for solutions desparetly...Julie Donner Anderesen gives these "solutions" when she is not qualified to do so. I was very disapointed in the book. I considered it a flight of fantasy. She writes as if HER way is the only way. This book is written in such a way that if you follow her "suggestions" ( and do not doubt it...they are only "suggestions"), you will become a "door matt" for a widower.You will learn to put the LW first at all costs. You will learn that it is okay to let people treat you like dirt because "they" are grieving. The cover of the book say's " the journey of a woman married to a widower"....the inside cover say's basically " this is fiction and the people are made up for the most part". It teaches WOW's and GOW's to be weak and not stand up for the right to feel the MOST IMPORTANT woman in her boyfriend or husbands life. It say's "it is a relationship of three hearts" sadly though the beating heart of the wife or girlfriend still alive comes out the least important...while it is obviously the one that can still be broken.

24 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars outdated theories and notions, June 19, 2006

By 

Doc_abby "Abagail" (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: PAST: PERFECT! PRESENT: TENSE!: Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower (Paperback)

As a health care provider I am constantly searching for information to share with my patients. I often suggest specific books they might read, in order to enlighten them on subjects they are currently dealing with in thier lifes. This particular subject is near and dear to my heart as I am also the WOW (we are nearing our 6th anniversary). It is my opinion that we need more written on this subject....there are way to many women searching for answers and not finding them. Unfortunetly, they will not find them in this book. I believe this book to be outdated in many of it's notions and "solutions" ( if not in all of them!). This particular subject I believe, is currently moving in a new direction...the opposite direction in fact, that Julie Donner Andersen is traveling. For way to many years WOW's and GOW's were told that they had a certain "place" and a certain" attitude" they had to uphold. Todays woman does not take lightly, to being told how to think and feel.
This book in many ways pushes the new woman in a widowers life back in time. To a time where she was "second". To a time when a woman was silent. This book would have a new WOW or GOW doing "grave visits" with the new man in her life. By the time you are done reading, you find yourself asking....who is more in love with the LW...the widower or the new wife??
The book has a sweet, yet antique notion of three hearts involved in the relationship when indeed that is not possible. It is two hearts and one past relationship, with lingering bittersweet memories for only ONE of the other two hearts.
The whole idea behind being involved with a widower is to love him...move forward into the future, and hope that one day soon the LW is a non-issue in the relationship. By the end of this book you realize if you follow the suggestions....the LW will exist forever. I believe Juilie Donner Andersen had good intentions, but then again, I also love the scenes in a Norman Rockwell painting, and the scenes depicted are alas also scenes from the past. It is a new world, new times and women are changing.

17 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Unfortunately, This is all that's out there., May 11, 2006

By 

shel "shel" (Vegas, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: PAST: PERFECT! PRESENT: TENSE!: Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower (Paperback)

While I do appreciate this book being available I really wish there was something else more realistically written. I found the book in the midst of a second wife emergency. I read it half way through and was totally depressed and felt like I would always be the sad replacement, not the one he wanted and that I would just have to accept that. A week later when I could finish the book I found the tiny ray of sunshine in the final chapters. So, if you get this book be sure to read the whole thing before you get too bummed out. The book did validate some of my fears but also perpetuates the Hollywood, romantic movie myth that your former widower will always be looking back to someone else and will never be able to love you completely or be completely happy in the future. The myth that your entire role is to "stand by your man" while he unknowingly hurts you with his words and actions and you should for the most part take it.

It's my personal opinion that you need to take the crumbs of truth for your situation from this book and ignore the rest.
If I was not already married when I read it I may have given up on a wonderful man due to the extra fears this book created that I had not considered and the depressing way the first few chapters were written.