Pagan Polyamory: Becoming a Tribe of Hearts (Paperback)

~ (Author) "The element of air is usually the first element that we call upon in Pagan ritual, because so many cultures mark the beginning of human..." (more)
Key Phrases: being polyamorous, poly family, polyamorous family, Moira Wolf, Oberon Zell-Ravenheart, Shiny New Lover Syndrome (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

The term “polyamory” describes non-monogamous relationships based on honesty and affection. Presenting a fascinating peek inside the polyamorous lifestyle from a Pagan perspective, Raven Kaldera offers practical insight and spiritual depth into a vastly misunderstood way of life.

Relating polyamory to astrology and the elements (air, fire, water, earth, and spirit), the author addresses all aspects of the polyamorous life, including family life, sexual ethics, emotional issues, proper etiquette, relationship boundaries, and the pros of cons of this lifestyle. Kaldera also discusses polyamory as a path of spiritual transformation and shares spells, rituals, and ceremonies for affirming one's relationships and spirituality.

About the Author

Raven Kaldera is a pagan priest, intersex transgender activist, parent,  astrologer, musician, homesteader, and the author of "Hermaphrodeities: The Transgender Spirituality Workbook" (XLibris Press). He is the founder and leader of the Pagan Kingdom of Asphodel, and the Asphodel  Pagan Choir. He has been a neo-pagan since the age of 14, when he was converted by a "fam-trad" teen on a date. Since then, he's been through half a dozen traditions, including Gardnerian, Dianic, and granola paganism, Umbanda, Heithnir, and the Peasant Tradition. He is currently happily married to artist and eco-experimentalist Bella Kaldera, and they have founded the Institute for Heritage Skills.

...'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.'

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Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Llewellyn Publications; illustrated edition edition (November 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738707627
• ISBN-13: 978-0738707624
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #172,913 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars pagan food for thought...poly or not, December 15, 2005

By	M. Miller "evescaduceus" - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Intelligent, thought-provoking look at managing multiple relationships, plus the reader gets a palpable sense of the author through his use of language and writing style, which adds further to the pleasure of reading this book.

Insightful analysis of the negatives that dog any open relationship, as well as their root causes: territoriality, envy, jealousy, and possessiveness - read this section over more than once. Also worth re-reading: the Mars chapter on fighting honorably. Concise, thorough explanation of how to set up composite astrology charts for multiples - this was something I have always wondered about, and this was the first time I have seen it discussed. Also, some really beautiful, carefully thought-out rituals - I particularly like the one for finding a tribe, which could be used by any soloist in search of the right coven.

Now, for the problem I have with one of the premises of this book - the idea that the primary relationship takes precedence over the secondaries. This is not a criticism of the author, but rather of a basic premise behind polyamory. Why would anyone want to be a secondary, which is little more than a concubine position always subordinate to the primary marriage? Kaldera mentions some of the reasons why people are content to be secondaries, but doesn't explore viewpoints of secondaries re: their status in sufficient depth. "How can secondaries successfully negotiate the polyamory power dynamic without getting used?" is the question I feel this book doesn't answer. The "contract" he includes is blatantly self-serving in terms of his relationship with his wife, at the expense of the secondary. The author does mention that this contract is old, and notes how he has evolved beyond it in certain ways, but a few chapters devoted specifically to secondary viewpoints, and an updated contract juxtaposed with the original would definitely have rounded out this book.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Pagan Polyamory, November 24, 2005

By	Vanessa (Ontario, Canada) - See all my reviews

I'm in a newly formed MFF triad and I'm trying to read everything I can about polyamory. I pre ordered this book, I was so excited to see that it was going to be published. I received it last week and read it in two days. WOW. As Raven points out there aren't many role models for the type of relationship that we are choosing to engage in. I think polyamory is a paradigm for our future as a society. And the more we support each other, the better off we'll all be.

Raven writes in a very accessible style. At times very thought provoking, at others he brings a smile or even a laugh at his turn of phrase.

I loved the section he called the Demonologia Polyamoria, classifying the problems of polyamory, such as jealousy, possessiveness and envy as demons. He talks about the effects these negative emotions can have on a polyamorous relationship (any relationship in fact) but these emotions seemed to be magnified when there are more people involved. He also gives practical and down to earth advice, referring often to the comments and suggestions made by the people he interviewed for the book, on how to deal compassionately with these demons.

Besides the information on polyamory, the rituals that he includes are amazing. As a pagan, I found the inclusion of a spiritual aspect of relationship support to be extremely helpful. At the end of every chapter there's a ritual included to help with the difficulties or celebrate the triumphs that were addressed in that chapter. For example at the end of the Sun chapter he provides an excellent self binding spell for the Shiney New Love Syndrome, which can plague many polyamorous relationships.

I also enjoyed reading the comments, thoughts and words of advice provided to him by the people he interviewed. It was great reading about the problems and joys that they's encountered over the years, how they dealt with them and celebrated them. It makes our small triad feel a little less alone.

Over all I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I'm looking forward to re reading some parts of it, refering to it constantly over the next few months and getting my partners to read it as well.

I would recommend this book to anyone who's considering to become involved in a polyamorous relationship, to those who are already in one and to those who are simply interested in this new relationship paradigm.

4.0 out of 5 stars clinical?, June 10, 2009

By	cougar (Maryland) - See all my reviews

Definitely an interesting book!

An example of a book taking both a spiritual and a clinical look at polyamory from the pagan perspective. It actually managed to pull off the combination.

Lots of examples through quotes and stories.

Sometimes seemed a bit awkward on organization.