Customer Reviews

Parent Child Testing Product, 5 Pack

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

I do not know if human language can sufficiently describe what has been unleashed upon this world.

My Parent Child Testing Product, 5 Pack arrived just yesterday. Excitedly, I tore open the packaging and set each tiny warrior in a row near the edge of a table. Once they were properly oriented (toward Venus, as per the instructions, which appeared to be written in blood), I pulled up a chair and stared intently into their eyes, awaiting my test. I have always suspected that I am a child, but eagerly awaited firm confirmation. Once several uneventful hours passed, I decided to leave the house for a bit.

You know those pictures where, no matter where you are in the room, it looks like the person's eyes are looking right at you? The Parent Child Testing Product is like that, except it doesn't matter how far away from the product you are. It constantly feels as if it is not only looking at you, but peering into the darkest depths of your soul, questioning your very essence as a human being. This disturbed me, so I eventually threw all five figurines into the trash. It is at this time that each Parent Child Testing Product began to emit a sound. To say the sound was not of this earth is an understatement of the utmost severity. It was as if each scream since the beginning of time was layered on top of one another, followed by a whooshing sound that I can only assume was the act of stealing my soul and the souls of everyone I have ever loved.

When I looked in the trash can, the figurines were gone. I am typing this from underneath my bed. Only now does the true goal of the test become clear. Survival.

The Parent Child Testing Product worked as well as I hoped. I tested both my children using this device and confirmed my hunch - the 1-year old was going to turn out as badly as I thought, breaking my heart and living in the basement doing nothing but playing video games, and doing badly at that as well. Without this test, I'd have had to waste DECADES waiting for him to grow up before kicking him out. I'm taking him back to the hospital tomorrow morning.

Instead of Parent Child Testing Product, seller shipped a poorly preserved armadillo corpse. Attempts to contact their customer service department have been in vain. Would not buy again.

I was extremely disappointed to see that this product is only sold in a 5-pack now. This is simply unacceptable, as I and my 4 wives are all extremely fertile and I require at least the 15-pack. Thumbs down.

I'll be honest, when I purchased this item, I did it for giggles. I had no idea what it was or what to do with it.
After purchasing, I received further instructions.
"Drive 2.1 miles east of your front door, then walk 0.5 miles South. Knock 3 times."

After following the instructions exactly, I found myself at a small hut I had never seen before, despite walking that way frequently. I knocked, then the door instantly opened. A small child (6-7, no idea of gender) handed me a parcel, a notebook and a large bag of raisins. I enquired about the raisins, but the child just said "You'll see."

As soon as I got home, I opened the package. It contained a CD, a bullet, Post it notes, a watch, a Die with 8 sides and a key. The notebook was blank, save the words "New bag and tag." I placed the CD in my CD player, and pressed play. The first 4 tracks were just static, but the 5th one played Queen's "Bicycle". The 6th was the theme tune to Friends, and the other 2 tracks were all blank.

A little confused by this, I removed the CD. I checked the watch, and the time was correct. The watch was new, with no scratches or signs of wear. There were no indications on who made this watch, however, and it was made from an unidentifyable metal. Feeling tired and a little angry at myself, I threw the key out the window. In a fit of what can only be described as insanity, I rolled the die. It came up 2, so I played the CD on track 2. Now I know what the whole package does! When it is put together it cre- ,mnmdnoiofi...

Do nOt PurChAse THIs iTEm. IgnoRE THE WriteR. He Has nO IdEA WhAT HE iS talKIng ABouT.

Instead of containing the 5 pack of the "Parent Child Testing Product", package contained live bobcat. Would not buy again

I don't know what to say. I don't what I should say. They could track my review to me. Let's just say it's a good product. A good product. Yes. Five stars.

Placed order three days ago, item arrived 10 days ago. I opened the box and found my lord and master. Or, rather, the tools to begin to restore him. Others may have lost faith since the betrayal in the Second Age, but not I. The box led me to an ancient altar, which my restoration has restored the Great Lord's connection to our plane. He has granted me greater knowledge than the "good" Saradomin ever could give his followers.

The only downside is the item arrives in a 5-pack. The mere mortal I am, it took me a while to accumulate the gold I needed to purchase it, though my lord shall reward my faith once we can finally bridge the gap enough for him to cross back to our world, where he can rid the land of the filth of Zamorack's followers for betraying him.

I must now return to the quest at hand to completely restore Zaros.

I put this in the doorway to my 3 year old's room and then walked away. It's been 4 days now and he hasn't tried to leave the room. Heck, he hasn't even cried!! Every so often I put a bowl of water in the floor and some sandwiches and I see him rocking himself gently to sleep under his mattress, all tucked in. This is SOOOO much better than leaving him in the kennel - and guests are much less judgmental. You should get your today!

Thanks to Amazon's great "1 Click Buy" feature, and my Windows 98 habit of double-clicking, I am now a proud owner of two of these amazing products.