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Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children Paperback – October 31, 2000


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Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children + How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk + The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony; 30th edition edition (October 31, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0609806939
  • ISBN-13: 978-0609806937
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (104 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,077 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

P.E.T., or Parent Effectiveness Training, began almost forty years ago as the first national parent-training program to teach parents how to communicate more effectively with kids and offer step-by-step advice to resolving family conflicts so everybody wins.  This beloved classic is the most studied, highly praised, and proven parenting program in the world -- and it will work for you. Now revised for the first time since its initial publication, this groundbreaking guide will show you:
How to avoid being a permissive parent
How to listen so kids will talk to you and talk so kids will listen to you
        How to teach your children to "own" their problems and to solve them
How to use the "No-Lose" method to resolve conflicts

Using the timeless methods of P.E.T. will have immediate results: less fighting, fewer tantrums and lies, no need for punishment. Whether you have a toddler striking out for independence or a teenager who has already started rebelling, you'll find P.E.T. a compassionate, effective way to instill responsibility and create a nurturing family environment in which your child will thrive.

About the Author

DR. THOMAS GORDON, a licensed psychologist, was the recipient of the 1999 American Psychological Foundation's Gold Medal Award for Enduring Contribution to Psychology, the 2000 Lifetime Achievement Award from the California State Psychological Association, and the first recipient of the Career Achievement Award from the National Parenting Instructors Association. He has been a consultant to the White House Conference on Children and the White House Fellows. Dr. Gordon is the author of eight books, including Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.) and Teacher Effectiveness Training (T.E.T.). He works in Solana Beach, California, and has two grown daughters and two grandchildren.
For more information, please visit the Gordon Training International Web site at www.gordontraining.com.

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Customer Reviews

This book is well known for it solid advice to parents.
van der Lugt, Marinus
This P.E.T. book by Thomas Gordon sets out some really useful skills for being the best parent you can be, in a way that is easy to read and understand.
Janet Powell
This book is an easy read and you do not need go through page by page.
ds95814

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

270 of 273 people found the following review helpful By Graham Lawes on October 16, 2005
Format: Paperback
Before I had children, I oscillated between thinking that I would have no idea how to be a father and thinking that I would certainly do better than my parents. Of course, in practice many of my preconceptions have been dispelled as mere imaginings. My son is now thirteen and my daughter nine, so with the notion that I perhaps have not done as good a job as I might, I've been taking a more serious look at some of the parenting guides at my disposal. There are many of these around, but you would do well to start with Gordon's, "Parent Effectiveness Training" or alternatively, with "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children" of Faber and Mazlish. Don't be put off by the P.E.T. acronym or the cover of the book as I was, or the apparent commercialism of the approach, because this is one of the best books on the subject. It is a complete training guide for parents, and it confirmed for me that I had indeed made almost every mistake I could make, even if not in the most severe way possible.

Gordon's premise is that parents need training. He comes to this from a background in psychology and training. He first trained pilots, where he succeeded in replacing ineffective command and control methods of training with demonstrably more effective collaborative forms of training. Building on the theories and client-centered approach of his teacher and mentor Carl Rogers (On Becoming a Person, 1961), Gordon further developed his educational model in providing leadership training for an organization consulting company before returning to psychotherapy for children and families. In these beginnings lie the strength of PET. It is an eminently practical, yet solidly based therapeutic approach, honed by countless hours of classes dealing with the real problems of parents and children.
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211 of 222 people found the following review helpful By Joe Wilmot on November 28, 2000
Format: Paperback
My parents swear by P.E.T. They used its techniques with me when I was a child. I can't describe how nice it felt to be listened to, treated like an intelligent being, given the freedom to regulate my own behavior, to chose right from wrong and have credit for the outcome of my decisions (or to deal with the consequences). It taught me self-control. And it taught me that I control my behavior based on consideration for others, not because I fear punishment. Now, as an independent adult, that's the self-regulation that keeps me from commiting crimes or cheating others. I don't keep from doing bad things to others because I fear punishment (jail, being fired, etc.), I do it out of consideration for their feelings. I guess if I had to distill PET's message down to its core, it would be: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. Now that I'm an adult -- even though I don't have kids -- I've read the book several times and use the 'Gordon Model' with all my relationships. So does my girlfriend. Our relationship is the envy of all our friends. I like this book so much I just replaced my yellowed, dog-eared copy with the new 30th-anniversary edition.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Liora Pearlman on March 12, 2008
Format: Paperback
This is a fantastic book.

Especially good for those who are struggling with living up to our own ideals. Because I don't believe in being overly restrictive, and I do not spank, I struggle with my fear of being too permissive...and occasionally I AM too permissive...anyway, we often reach a boiling point where my kids literally drive me crazy and I say things or handle a situation in a way I definitely regret later. Basically I overreact.

This book is a lifesaver, with clearly defined terms, and ways of thinking about conflict that you can implement TODAY. Your family life will be forever changed...and as a matter of fact, by studying these principles you will quickly see improvements in other areas, too.

One section, beginning on page 143 did more to help me with my anger than all the other books I ever read put together! I highly recommend this book, for its psychological soundness and the depth of change it will make in all your intimate relationships.
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42 of 45 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 19, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book was a great tool in helping me communicate better with my kids. Using this book in combination with Adele Faber's "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" and Matt Pasquinilli's "The Child Whisperer," I have developed cammunication lines with my children that I thought only existed on the Cosby Show.
While I liked the book, it was denser and less fun to read than the other two books I mentioned. It was a nice suppliment but in order of ease of reading and ease of implementation, I would suggest you buy "The Child Whisperer" first, then Faber's book, and then this book.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 18, 2003
Format: Paperback
I first read PET about 30 years ago. It was simply quite stunning in its impact. I have used the skills over the years and found virtually 100% effective. I have heard my children successfully use "active listening", "I messages" and problem solving techiniques without knowing it. Training yourself to listen to people, honestly state your problems and ernestly try to solve problems to mutual benefit creates a good way to live.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful By Botanica 37 on June 6, 2008
Format: Paperback
I've read this book twice in the past year and it has not been an easy read or an easy learning experience. Most of what the author says make sense if you have an older child, maybe 6-8 year old. The book very briefly touches on how to communicate with an infant, but nothing for how to deal with a toddler or preschooler, which for me is the real challenge. How do you negotiate with someone who doesn't have enough vocabulary to communicate their needs/wants or even put a label on their own feelings? At what point you stop negotiating and start using Method I(ordering?). How do you resolve a conflict with someone who has attention span of 2-3 minutes and is off chasing a butterfly? I can see trying to use the techniques later on, but for parents of younger children "Kids are worth it" is a better read.
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