The Parenthood Decision [Paperback]

Beverly Engel M.F.C.C. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 18, 1998

We are living in a time when baby showers are the most popular kind of party and when TV and movies abound with adorable babies and darling toddlers selling everything from soap to toilet paper. In this "baby-friendly" environment, is it any wonder that more and more people are considering becoming parents?

Most people realize, however, that just wanting a baby doesn't mean you are physically, mentally, or emotionally prepared to have one. Nor does the desire to have a baby necessarily mean you will be a good parent.

The Parenthood Decision will help potential parents resolve their conflicts about this major decision. Here, Beverly Engel helps readers find their own answers to questions such as: "Am I ready to be a parent?" "What should I do if I am ready and my partner is not?" "Will I be a better parent than my parents?" "How will having a baby affect my relationship?" "What are the mistakes I am most likely to make and how can I avoid them?" "Should I have a baby on my own?" By presenting important information, posing thought-provoking questions and providing exercises, Engel helps both those who are unclear whether this is the right time for them to become parents and those who are undecided about whether parenthood is right for them.

Armed with the self-knowledge The Parenthood Decision provides, readers will finish the book confident in their potential-parenthood decision.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Deciding whether or not to become a parent (and if so, when and how) is one of life's biggest decisions. For some people, the choice to have a child is intuitive--something they've always known they would do. Nonetheless, questions arise for them. How can I know if the time is right? What are my real reasons for wanting a child? Are my motivations questionable? For others, the question is whether or not to have a child at all. What if I want to parent and my partner does not? Am I capable of being a good parent? Is my partner? What about money issues? In The Parenthood Decision: Discovering Whether You Are Ready and Willing to Become a Parent, Beverly Engel, a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor and bestselling author (The Right to Innocence and Beyond the Birds and the Bees), takes a look at all the issues potential parents face, posits important questions, and leads readers who are struggling with a variety of dilemmas through compassionate and thoughtful decision-making exercises. Engel realizes that her soul-searching process may lead to the conclusion to wait or remain childless, and she fully supports this option, stating, "You owe it to yourself, your partner if you have one, and especially to your future baby to make your decision based on reality, not fantasy." --Ericka Lutz

From Booklist

Emotional, physical, and mental readiness for parenting; willingness to accept permanent lifestyle changes; and emotional ability to provide a nurturing environment are the three major qualities involved in the parenthood decision. Short questionnaires throughout the text help prospective parents assess honestly and in detail whether they are ready, willing, and able to take on parenting. Answering such questions as Why do I want to have a child? Do I have the energy to be a good parent? and What will I give up? is intended to get prospective parents to grasp the qualities needed for successful parenting. For those who must acknowledge, however unwillingly, that they are not prepared for the sacrifices demanded by child rearing, Engel also offers comforting strategies for deciding whether to wait until the time is right or to forgo having children altogether. Her knowing, empathic style further assists prospective parents in deeply exploring personal qualities and concerns. Kathryn Carpenter

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Main Street Books; 1 edition (May 18, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385489803
• ISBN-13: 978-0385489805
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #56,223 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The most helpful book I've ever owned!, April 29, 2005

By 

Medha (Stamford, CT) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Parenthood Decision (Paperback)

This book was the ultimate guide in helping my husband and I make this important decision. With all of the pros that come with a little adorable baby also come a lot of cons, such as late night feedings and pediatrician appointments. With all of these factors, one can certainly lose a lot of sleep (and not by practicing either!)

The introduction is about 6 pages long and says that after doing some of the exercises, you may be leaning towards one choice over another - but to try to finish the book in case you're missing anything. After Page 11 of the book, and two basic exercises of 10 questions each, it was quite obvious that although we're both ready for children - at this time we have other priorities that don't mix with starting a family right now (like fragile china and traveling) :-) This author also has some great sections on adopting, single parenting and raising your own children if you've had a less-than-perfect childhood that may have included constant fighting, abuse, neglect, etc).

I also bought "I'm okay, you're a brat...", "Cheerfully Childless" and several other books. Even with all of those books and insight from all of our friends with children, this book provided the most insight (such as asking you to picture a cute baby, then a red-faced screaming infant that you can't console, then a 6 year old being bullied at school, then a 14-year old caught smoking, etc and to measure your emotions to each of the 50 scenarios listed)

Such a great book, I just had to email the author to thank her.

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars good exercises, precious little data, February 18, 2005

By 

Lexis - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Parenthood Decision (Paperback)

While our ability for logic and reasoning put us at the top of the food chain, we human beings are notorious for making decisions based on emotion. How can we not? We're human, after all.

I was looking for something to counterbalance the "emotional" side of making the decision to have children. I knew the reasons that were leaning me toward doing it, but I also knew that I was forgoing the practical perspective.

This book did a bang-up job at making you face the reality of being a parent. None of that "Kodak Moment" family crap. The author asks tough questions and makes you (and your mate) write out lists to consider how you'd handle certain situations.

The questions that are posed and your reactions to them are invaluable. They quickly dispel those idealized notions of the endless joys of parenting. The vignettes she provides about her patient experiences are quite eye-opening and thought-provoking. I started more than once at the pain of the conflicting feelings the parents were expressing.

I do wish the author was a bit more scientific in her approach. Other than offhand quote of one or two longitudinal studies, there were no real articles, references, studies, or data to strengthen her attestations. While I don't doubt the veracity of what she's said in the least, I prefer having these claims substantiated with some research. Ideally, this book would have included evidence on the effect of children on financial bearings, one's sex life, one satisfaction and fullfillment with their marriage, one's general state of satisfaction, and the like.

I'd highly recommend it. This book, I believe, would be most useful for people who perceive of the parenting experience in a very idealistic manner (i.e., it's all sunshine and roses). I fear it's these women (yes, women in particular) who have the most to suffer when they find out it ain't all it's cracked up to be. While I'm sure many of them might react with "that will never happen to me!" at least later when it does happen to them they can take comfort that they're not alone.

Overall rating would be 3.5 stars, but I rounded up since that wasn't an option!

42 of 46 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book saved my life!, July 24, 2000

By 

Heather - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Parenthood Decision (Paperback)

In 1998, my husband and I tried for a baby, but I could not conceive. We decided to be childfree. Now, in 2000, he is scheduled for a vasectomy and I suddenly got cold feet - what if I really SHOULD be a mother! Upon reading this book with him, we realized how scared we both were that becoming parents would damage our relationship. We have now decided that we are definitely childfree. This book was NON-biased, very clear and helpful, and I am so very grateful for it!