Customer Reviews

The Parenthood Decision

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

This book was the ultimate guide in helping my husband and I make this important decision. With all of the pros that come with a little adorable baby also come a lot of cons, such as late night feedings and pediatrician appointments. With all of these factors, one can certainly lose a lot of sleep (and not by practicing either!)

The introduction is about 6 pages long and says that after doing some of the exercises, you may be leaning towards one choice over another - but to try to finish the book in case you're missing anything. After Page 11 of the book, and two basic exercises of 10 questions each, it was quite obvious that although we're both ready for children - at this time we have other priorities that don't mix with starting a family right now (like fragile china and traveling) :-) This author also has some great sections on adopting, single parenting and raising your own children if you've had a less-than-perfect childhood that may have included constant fighting, abuse, neglect, etc).

I also bought "I'm okay, you're a brat...", "Cheerfully Childless" and several other books. Even with all of those books and insight from all of our friends with children, this book provided the most insight (such as asking you to picture a cute baby, then a red-faced screaming infant that you can't console, then a 6 year old being bullied at school, then a 14-year old caught smoking, etc and to measure your emotions to each of the 50 scenarios listed)

Such a great book, I just had to email the author to thank her.

While our ability for logic and reasoning put us at the top of the food chain, we human beings are notorious for making decisions based on emotion. How can we not? We're human, after all.

I was looking for something to counterbalance the "emotional" side of making the decision to have children. I knew the reasons that were leaning me toward doing it, but I also knew that I was forgoing the practical perspective.

This book did a bang-up job at making you face the reality of being a parent. None of that "Kodak Moment" family crap. The author asks tough questions and makes you (and your mate) write out lists to consider how you'd handle certain situations.

The questions that are posed and your reactions to them are invaluable. They quickly dispel those idealized notions of the endless joys of parenting. The vignettes she provides about her patient experiences are quite eye-opening and thought-provoking. I started more than once at the pain of the conflicting feelings the parents were expressing.

I do wish the author was a bit more scientific in her approach. Other than offhand quote of one or two longitudinal studies, there were no real articles, references, studies, or data to strengthen her attestations. While I don't doubt the veracity of what she's said in the least, I prefer having these claims substantiated with some research. Ideally, this book would have included evidence on the effect of children on financial bearings, one's sex life, one satisfaction and fullfillment with their marriage, one's general state of satisfaction, and the like.

I'd highly recommend it. This book, I believe, would be most useful for people who perceive of the parenting experience in a very idealistic manner (i.e., it's all sunshine and roses). I fear it's these women (yes, women in particular) who have the most to suffer when they find out it ain't all it's cracked up to be. While I'm sure many of them might react with "that will never happen to me!" at least later when it does happen to them they can take comfort that they're not alone.

Overall rating would be 3.5 stars, but I rounded up since that wasn't an option!

In 1998, my husband and I tried for a baby, but I could not conceive. We decided to be childfree. Now, in 2000, he is scheduled for a vasectomy and I suddenly got cold feet - what if I really SHOULD be a mother! Upon reading this book with him, we realized how scared we both were that becoming parents would damage our relationship. We have now decided that we are definitely childfree. This book was NON-biased, very clear and helpful, and I am so very grateful for it!

My husband won't do ANYTHING unless it can be researched, compared, validated, etc. He was also on the fence about having kids seven years ago when I was pretty sure I was ready to roll. I started looking for books on how to make this enormous decision and was scandalized to find NONE available anywhere. Then thankfully, in 1998 a fresh search turned up "The Parenthood Decision." I read it, loved it, and presented it to my husband--who by this time was utterly convinced he did not want children. However, he graciously went through it chapter by chapter. On a beautifully sunny summer afternoon he greeted me in the garden with the finished book and his announcement that he was not only ready, but that this book had convinced him that he actually WANTED TO HAVE CHILDREN. Sadly, infertility has foiled our plans. After some devastating failed attempts we may choose now to remain childfree--an option we never would have considered acceptable before reading this book. Thank you so much Beverly. Your book has graced our lives.

This book was excellent! I recommend it to everyone. I know I do not want children but my husband is wavering. I bought the book and highlighted passages for him to read and think about. I have loaned the book out and got great response on it as well. I always recommend this book to those who have the slightest question as to having kids. For me it even more confirmed my chosen childfree life. This book will help you decide if you are ready for kids now, in the future or ever.

I've been struggling with the decision of whether to have a child, and thought this would help me work through things. I was so disappointed with this book, as it seems overly reliant on two sources of data, and make broad(and embarrassing/intellectually lazy) generalizations about the fears women and men have regarding becoming a parent. I wanted to throw the book across the room when it listed the following most common fears for women:
1) Fear of no longer being physically attractive
2) Fear of being unable to lose weight

Seriously? Thanks Ms. Engel--I could give you about 100 more profound and serious fears that plagued me when considering this decision. And there's more! "Generally speaking, men have a more cynical view of the world around them, having been less sheltered and having been forced to become what is commonly called "street smart" So true--it's really hard for me, as a modern woman, to have real-world perspective, after living on my own, working through college and graduate school, and making my own way in a successful and stressful career. Is this book aimed towards Victorian-era women that lived at home until they were married?

The decision of whether or not to have children has got to be one of the biggest, most irreversible choices in life! This book has been incredibly helpful to me as I struggle to make this decision for myself. I scanned the book quickly when I first got it, and have recently re-read the book more thoroughly; the exercises really help the reader explore their feelings. By using a journal along with this book, and with the help of a good therapist, I feel confident that I will make this decision and live well with it for the rest of my life.

This book is fascinating. It talks about the very taboo subject that maybe some people just don't want to have children! It's a very practical guide to understanding yourself, your values and whether or not you genuinely want children for yourself or are being pressured into it by family, friends and society.

It helped me make peace with the decision not to have children.

Wow! This book was everything I had hoped it would be. Having been undecided as to whether to have children or not for some time now but with the clock ticking away, my husband and I needed some help with our decision. This book posed lots of thought provoking questions and gave case studies that highlighted both the pros and cons of having children in a non-fluffy way. By the end of this book we had both been able to ascertain that, while we would make good parents and there is no reason that we shouldn't have kids, we are just not ready to make the sacrifices necessary. Through reading the book concurrently and discussing our answers to the questions together we were able to make peace with this decision. This has actually allowed us to move on from where we were. Thank you to the author.

When reading the cover of this book, it seems as if it would be the ideal read for any person considering having a child. I understand the necessity of presenting the reader with the difficulties of child-rearing and the challenges that having a baby present, but I feel this author goes to the extreme, presenting worst case scenarios with absolutely no positive comments on the joys of having children whatsoever. This book is a great read if you want to be convinced that having a child will make you miserable for the rest of your life.