Customer Reviews

Parenthood by Proxy: Don't Have Them If You Won't Raise Them

5 star:		(34)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(20)

 

 

I'm not a big fan of Laura Schlessinger. In fact, I didn't even know who she was until I started hearing all of the hoopla over her new TV show and the gay rights groups. In any event, my husband and I, both business professionals, are debating about having a child. I wanted one NOW (I am 37 years old!) and he wanted to wait. I heard her plug the book on her show, so I went out and bought it the first day it was released. I read it in one night and then I forced my husband to do the same. We both loved it. It addressed just about every quandary we had concerning raising a kid. After reading this book, I was thoroughly convinced that (as much as I want to have a baby), NOW is not the right time. My husband was actually right about this one. Neither he nor I are ready to quit our jobs. The fact that I want to have a baby NOW is a purely selfish. It's all about me and the ticking of my biological clock and my need to nurture. This book really gets down to the nitty-gritty and made me do a little soul searching. From the looks of things, most parents of today do very little soul searching before they pop out kids. So my husband and I are going to try to ignore the loud ticking of the biological clock. If and when we decide to have a baby, one of us will definitely quit our job, stay at home and actually do what a parent should do. In the mean time, I'll get a parakeet. If my clock stops ticking, we'll adopt. After all, it's about the child's needs, not the parent's. Thanks for the reminder Dr. Laura. She says it best, "if you won't or can't offer your child your being and time, don't make a baby - get a parakeet."

Although I agree with Dr. Laura in her position on parenthood, I thought the book was weakly written. I have been reading a lot of the source material for her book, books such as "The Assault on Parenthood" by Dana Mack, "Domestic Tranquility" by F. Carolyn Graglia, etc. and they not only provide in-depth analysis but are much better written books. This book serves as a good introduction to the subject of current family issues and indentifies the leading commentators on the subject. The book is a quick read, but do yourself a favor and seek out the original texts that she quotes in her book. It will be well worth the effort.

I don't have kids -- though I would like to someday. However, I teach the kids that Dr. Laura describes in this book on a daily basis, and her assessment/analysis seems to be right on target. As adults, we are too busy attempting to be friends with children to set limits on behavior. Dr. Laura doesn't mince words and she doesn't pull punches. Be prepared to feel nauseated as you read her thoughts on how children are raised (or rather not raised today) because you will begin to recognize that the behaviors we see in the workplace from younger employees and the behaviors in schools are actually a direct result of how children are raised.

Dr. Laura has made me even more grateful for the strictness of my parents (guess who will be getting some _really_ nice Mother's and Father's day gifts this year).

Dr. Schlessinger writes about the responsibilities of parenting much as she conducts her national radio talk show...pulling no punches with strong opinions. She discusses the issues involved in people having children, only to turn around and find others to take care of those children, either in infancy, before and after school, or both. She argues that there are really very few legitimate excuses for failing to parent your own children and asserts many reasons why failing to do so is highly detrimental to children. In this regard, she cites published studies, newspaper articles, books, and her own experiences during her 25 years as a talk show host, to support her positions.

On the whole, I found her arguments to be mostly persuasive. Although this book could certainly never be used as a cite authority for serious academic discussion of the ramifications of raising children "by proxy," Dr. Schlessinger makes a great number of thought-provoking points in discussing the issues, which range from the failure of our society to value the contributions of fathers, to why the United States should emulate the laws of Italy and other countries in limiting the number of implanted fertilized ova in infertile women to 2-3 (the number of fetuses that, if all were viable, could reasonably be expected to survive birth).

I found the book an interesting and thought-provoking discussion of the issues of our country's loss of the traditional family unit and its effects on the welfare of children. It made me think carefully about the choices that my husband and I make as parents, and why and how those choices effect my young daughters. I would definitely recommend it to anyone considering parenthood, people who are parents already, who wish to earnestly contemplate the parenting choices they are making, and whether they could be doing a better job, or people who work in fields which wholly or partially relate to child welfare in all its aspects.

Dr. Laura's message is clear - parenting isn't a right, it's a gift. What we do with that gift makes all the difference in the world.

I used to be a teacher. I quit the profession when I got tired of children not taking responsibility for their actions. Why should they, their parents aren't. The book drums home that we must take responsibility for our actions. It's not a new message, just one that has been lost.

Her point is that before having children, the potential parents need to have a commitment to fulfill the obligation. Parents are obligated to provide a loving, stable environment for the child. They are obligated to putting their child's needs first. (Yes, having a child is an obligation!) They are obligated to teach their children responsibility, morality, and respect.

For those of you who gave the book a low rating (some of you without even reading it), what is wrong with that message?

I think it's sad that anyone has to try so hard to convince the people of this country to do what's right for their children, but it's apparent that many people don't even want to hear the message, so Dr. Laura takes a big stand on the unpopular (but right) stance. Everyone seems to want to blame the serious problems we encounter in our society on other people or institutions, but few are willing to take the responsibility for raising their own children properly. I wish there were more people promoting this message!

For those of you who don't like Dr. Laura's style, you're entitled to your opinion, of course. But attacking the message on the grounds that you're entitled to do what you want and live your life however you want to just confirms the message of this book - that many adults are spending too much time taking care of themselves and ignoring their childrens' needs.

I'm pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I are willing to make personal sacrifices in order to do what is right in raising this child, including giving up a good 2nd income and doing without the nice vacations and fun "toys" we've had in the past. I only wish more people felt this way.

Dr Laura pinpoints exactly how parents have abandoned their children in favor of satisfying their own desires. She presents a very strong case against the forces in American culture which conspire to undermine and denigrate families.

Unfortunately, she won't win any converts with this book. The very parents she criticizes won't be swayed by Dr Laura's message here. The truth is just too painful. Alternatively, parents who are putting their kids first will cheer her and this book will bolster their choices.

"If you were going to wake up tomorrow morning as aninfant, would you choose to be raised by ........."

That is something husbands and wives should think about before making a baby. If you are thinking about starting a family you should give this book a read. It gives parents and future parents some food for thought.

It was something that my husband and I did not think about till after our baby. But once we had him there was no way I was going to hand him over to another person to raise (not even my own mother). This was our flesh and blood, and we knew no one would love him and talk to him like us. Therefore I am now my kids mom and I have a husband who was manly enough to step up to the plate for our family. My child will never have to question his importance to us. Thank you Dr. Laura for your relentless pursuit in bettering the parenting in our country. Thank you writing this book to promote family values!

I am a stay at home Mom who listens to Dr. Laura regularly. It is so refreshing to hear someone who supports staying home and raising your children yourself! A big house and lots of "things" in no way make up for the lack of parental time and attention many children are forced to face everyday because of the self serving decisions of thier parents. This book was great! Go Dr. Laura!

The bottom line is that you are either going to love this book or hate it. If you are into parenting and doing it full time then Dr. Laura will confirm your family values. If you think anyone can raise your kid as well as you can (daycare, sitter, your own mother)then you will hate it. This book is for TRUE parents who want confirmation of their choice to make sacrifices in order to stay home, these parents will hear a resounding "YES, you are doing the right thing!" from Dr. Laura. If you are thinking about having kids and want to hear the truth about what a baby/child really needs then please read this book so you can make an informed decision on whether or not you are ready to parent. (MEANING THAT YOU RAISE YOUR OWN CHILD)If you are not into raising your own children and you are letting someone else parent your children 20+ hours a week...you are going to hate this book.