Customer Reviews

Parenting Adopted Adolescents: Understanding and Appreciating Their Journeys

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Keck's latest book, Parenting Adopted Adolescents, is a thoroughly enjoyable read - conversational in tone, filled with practical advice, and humorous without being flip. The tack Keck takes is there in the title subtext: appreciation. It serves us parents well to check in on that emotion and value. Through our appreciation of our adolescent children in all that they are, we become better parents and they closer to achieving their best.

The book is organized around some very basic concepts. Beginning with normative developmental stages, moving through the core issues of adoption, trans -racial and -cultural issues, attachment, sexuality, therapeutic interventions and more, Keck addresses virtually every subject that parents negotiate on a daily basis.

The format is one I appreciate when reading any "help" book. Clinical information and analysis is followed by case examples that bring to life the points the author is making. As I read, I could see my family and myself in the stories - both optimal and hopelessly futile - and gained a sense that we all are muddling through this journey together. Sure we make mistakes, but they can be ameliorated with time, patience, understanding and acceptance.

Both logic and the obvious memory of once being an adolescent shape the very practical advice given throughout the book. Some of which I've actually used and seen work! Among some of the gems are the following:
* That although much of an adolescent's behavior is intentional, i.e. he meant to do it, the consequences and resultant adult feelings are NOT the intent. "When adopted adolescents reject others, their intention is usually not to cause hurt but to avoid being rejected themselves."
* Lighten up on the myriad ways adolescents try to express their individuality and find their way. "Adults typically talk about peer pressure only when discussing negative[s]... It is rare to accuse an honor student of studying so hard just because his friends do."
* "When parents believe that a single magical strategy will resolve all psychological or behavioral problems, they tend to rely on the strategy as opposed to relying on the relationship with their child."
* Try talking to your child(ren) the way you do people who are not in your family and see what the result is. Conversely, and perhaps more risky, try talking to your colleagues the way you talk to your adolescent and observe the result. Hmmm...
* And finally... Avoid control battles at all costs
* Win the ones you take on
* Pick and choose your battles carefully

The various challenges that adolescents can throw our way are described not as problems, but as expected and predictable developmental stages. In this way the reader is able to normalize what may be feeling like a completely out-of-control existence. For example, when referring to the "honeymoon period" that all adoptive parents know about, Keck draws a comparison to a new employee being on her best behavior at the job before settling in and becoming comfortable. It is a refreshing break from much of the writing out there about adopted children and adolescents that talks about pathology, projected outcomes, and warning signs. While these are important issues, not to be lightly dismissed, it is wise to start at a place of strength, hope and normalcy.

Kim Stevens, Project Manager, North American Council on Adoptable Children

Gregory Keck., PhD knows what he is talking about and has the experience to back it up. His approach in offering advice with humor, in everyday language, and with his own experience as an adoptive dad made this book an easy read. This book is full of helpful insights about teens weither adoptive and biological. Instead of getting my head filled with terms and facts that I can't use, I was given practical advice and knowledge to inspire my adolescence to get through the most difficult journey of their lives. I have found Mr.Keck advice very helpful.

Tammy Mahan A foster/adoptive mom and social worker for the last 21 years in child Welfare.

I am so happy that this book was released before my three adopted children reach adolescence. The hopeful message that Dr. Keck shares leaves me excited rather than fearful when I think about sharing my childrens' journey. Dr. Keck's blend of humor, guidance and common sense, grounded in sound developmetal theory, has me convinced that it will be possible to enjoy my children during this period of their lives. If that seems impossible to you, you need to read this book! Dr. Keck's ability to reframe many adolescent behaviors as necessary and appropriate developmental tasks gives me as a parent new ways to interpret and respond to my children. Dr. Keck explores issues such as identity, loss and abandonment, challenging behariors, sexuality,and transracial and transcultural issues. Each chapter left me feeling more prepared. This is a book I will be referring to often. Reading it was like having a conversation with a trusted friend.

We are newly adoptive parents of a 13 year-old. I have read several books throughout our adoption journey and this was the first I have read that is specifically geared towards parents adopting and parenting older kids. The book was very easy to read and had some great insight into the challenges of parenting kids that have been in the foster care system.

While the author has put together a book that can help parents deal with the difficult work involved in parenting an adopted adolescent, the book is written from the perspective that all these combined elements will be effective in the parenting process.

My wife and have experienced first hand that children 12 and above with severely traumatic pasts either may not be able or willing to attach at the level necessary to integrate into a normal functioning family. While the book seems to deal well with how to apply techniques for dealing with the unique problems you may face as the parent of an adopted adolescent, it does not deal well with the factors of a an adoption situation that can not be handled within the home. Including additional intervention required by agencies up to and including out of home treatment.

I can't detract from the books rich content in helping you parent an adopted adolescent. However, a better treatment of the topic of how to know when and where to act within the harsh reality of an adoption situation that wasn't properly qualified or when it becomes evident that treatment beyond the parents means becomes necessary. The author should be aware of the higher probability of this scenario with an adopted adolescent and address this potential and how to deal with it in the book.

This book was the best most applicable guide I found to parenting my two adolescent kids who were adopted from foster care. I have recommended it to other people. It is very readable, too.