2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A MUST READ book for EVERYONE, though with a misleading title., February 1, 2012
This review is from: Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community (The Orange Series) (Paperback)
I am currently reading this book for the 2nd time in a year. I first read it as part of a "class" that our church offered. I heard the title "Parenting Beyond Your Capacity" and thought I could learn about that! I was thinking more in the terms that I was beyond my capacity in my ability to parent my young children! However, the book is not another "Love and Logic" type behavior modification/discipline strategy as I initially thought. It's something 100 times deeper and more important! (I'm a Love and Logic Facilitator and think it's a MUST read/MUST take class for any parent/teacher/grandparent, too, though!)
The subtitle of this book really gives you a better clue to WHAT this book is about... "Connect Your Family to a Wider Community." It's more about the "It takes a village to raise a child" approach to raising children. The book talks about the importance of plugging yourself into a community of people who you can trust to help your children develop into all of the positive adjectives that you can think of that you want your children to be. It's also about seeing yourself and your family in the bigger picture....about thinking outside of yourselves to see God's story and plan for your lives.
I completely, respectfully, disagree with one of the 2 star reviews here. Our church embraces and teaches the "Orange" philosophy, which is the idea that two combined influences are greater than one. The heart and love of the family (red) combined with the light of God and the church (yellow) to make orange are much more powerful together than separately. Our church is primarily a church for the "unchurched." Many of our attendees are 1st generation Christians. Our kids' ministry encourages ALL of our volunteers to read this book, even if they aren't parents, because then they can understand how THEY as Sunday morning leaders and mentors can still be part of that "village" and have those influential relationships with our children that our kids need. Chapter 1 deals with that..."A parent's influence is best realized in partnership with the church."
Currently I'm reading the book again as part of a study for the moms group with our church. As one of the leaders for the group, I can say that we chose this book because we felt like EVERYONE could benefit from reading this book. We were a bit concerned about what the moms with older kids and grandkids would think, because they don't really want any parenting books at this point, though we knew it wasn't this type of book and if they'd just give it a chance, they'd love it! :) Our concerns were needless, because after the first chapter, many of them read through at least half of it without putting it down! We've heard nothing but PRAISE for the book. Of course, many of them wish they had this book when their kids were younger, but they can still see how it can help them and their loved ones by connecting their teens, adult kids, grandkids and themselves to a wider community. You're really never to old to mentor your children, and your children are never to old to see you lead by example.
I realize this is a lengthy review, but I want to leave a few more comments here, because I just can't say enough about this book! Here's some about the meat of the book and my takeaways, what I felt was the important thing to learn from each chapter.
Ch. 1 - The Orange Parent - A parent's influence is best realized in partnership with the church. - I summarized this above already...
Ch. 2 - Stock Family Syndrome - God isn't holding up a perfect picture; He's writing a bigger story. -
My takeaway: This is the chapter that lets you realize that you're family is part of God's story, no matter how messed up. There are no "perfect" families, despite what people may see on the outside. Dealing with addiction, depression, divorce, an out-of-control teen? Take a look at the messed up people in the Bible who God used and you should realize your family is just in the perfect place for God to use you and them as part of HIS bigger story.
Ch. 3 - Family Value #1: Widen the Circle - Pursue strategic relationships for your kids.
My takeaway: Your present family will never be enough for your children. At some point, they will seek out relationships with others. You can be strategic in choosing who you would like to have influence your kids, or you can leave it up to your kids... I'll take option #1, thank you!
Ch. 4 - Family Value #2: Imagine the End - Focus your priorities on what matters most.
My takeaway: Focus on WHO you want your children to be when they're grown. (Not what you want them to HAVE.) What are YOU doing to help develop the characteristics you want to see in them? I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes by David Bly - "Your children will became what you are. So be what you want them to be."
Ch. 5 - Family Value #3: Fight for the Heart - Communicate in a style that gives the relationship value.
My takeaway: While this chapter helps me with young kids, this is the chapter that speaks most to the parents with out of control or hard to handle teens. It's about fighting FOR a good relationship with your kids instead of fighting WITH your kids. It gives you real ways that you can do this!
Ch. 6 - Family Value #4: Create a Rhythm - Increase the quantity of quality time you spend together.
My takeaway: This is what our church's kids' ministry tries to help us do. The subtitle really explains it all but this chapter gives you application ideas to accomplish this, without having to really add anything to your already busy schedule! It's about being intentional in the moments you have with your kids.
Ch. 7 - Family Value #5: Make It Personal - Put yourself first when it comes to personal growth.
My takeaway: Again, the David Bly quote comes to mind here. One sentence from this chapter also sums it up nicely, "If you want it to be in them, it has to be in YOU."
Ch. 8 - Back to the Story - You can mobilize your family to demonstrate God's love in a broken world.
My takeaway: Again, one sentence from the book sums this up for me. "When your children engage in a bigger story, they are linked to the nature of God's love, which will carry them far beyond what human love will ever have the capacity to do." For the younger kids, I think of the book "The Boy Who Changed the World" by Andy Andrews. For older kids/teens, check out the YouTube video "Donald Miller...A Better Story." What kind of story do you want to give your kids?
This is quite possibly the longest review I've ever written. I hope it's helpful and that it makes you want to read the book to find out more! I'll conclude my review this way: It's a $10 book that will quite possibly change your life, and the lives of your family. What have you got to lose? Read it!
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