Customer Reviews

Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community (The Orange Series)

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Most of the things in this book are not new concepts and it is mostly written to parents in a life stage with younger children. In my experience, these are no brainer suggestions for anyone who has a child older than seven. The author refers to his other books a lot which I find annoying-especially if I have already read the other book. I also feel that the book is written primarily to families who have grown up in the church and are raising third generation(or more) christian children. Maybe if that is the circumstance you find yourself in, you will find this book applicable to your family. If not, there is no need to read this book.

This is a GREAT book for spiritual parenting novices and experts both. It outlines some fantastic principles and leaves the details to be determined by your own family. It really focuses on helping parents see their priorities and how to teach those priorities to their children. It's also very encouraging, a "you CAN do this" pep talk at times. None of it will have you feeling guilty over your current inaction or overwhelmed with their recommended action plans. It will simply inspire you to find ways to fit more faith into your family's everyday life.

I am currently reading this book for the 2nd time in a year. I first read it as part of a "class" that our church offered. I heard the title "Parenting Beyond Your Capacity" and thought I could learn about that! I was thinking more in the terms that I was beyond my capacity in my ability to parent my young children! However, the book is not another "Love and Logic" type behavior modification/discipline strategy as I initially thought. It's something 100 times deeper and more important! (I'm a Love and Logic Facilitator and think it's a MUST read/MUST take class for any parent/teacher/grandparent, too, though!)

The subtitle of this book really gives you a better clue to WHAT this book is about... "Connect Your Family to a Wider Community." It's more about the "It takes a village to raise a child" approach to raising children. The book talks about the importance of plugging yourself into a community of people who you can trust to help your children develop into all of the positive adjectives that you can think of that you want your children to be. It's also about seeing yourself and your family in the bigger picture....about thinking outside of yourselves to see God's story and plan for your lives.

I completely, respectfully, disagree with one of the 2 star reviews here. Our church embraces and teaches the "Orange" philosophy, which is the idea that two combined influences are greater than one. The heart and love of the family (red) combined with the light of God and the church (yellow) to make orange are much more powerful together than separately. Our church is primarily a church for the "unchurched." Many of our attendees are 1st generation Christians. Our kids' ministry encourages ALL of our volunteers to read this book, even if they aren't parents, because then they can understand how THEY as Sunday morning leaders and mentors can still be part of that "village" and have those influential relationships with our children that our kids need. Chapter 1 deals with that..."A parent's influence is best realized in partnership with the church."

Currently I'm reading the book again as part of a study for the moms group with our church. As one of the leaders for the group, I can say that we chose this book because we felt like EVERYONE could benefit from reading this book. We were a bit concerned about what the moms with older kids and grandkids would think, because they don't really want any parenting books at this point, though we knew it wasn't this type of book and if they'd just give it a chance, they'd love it! :) Our concerns were needless, because after the first chapter, many of them read through at least half of it without putting it down! We've heard nothing but PRAISE for the book. Of course, many of them wish they had this book when their kids were younger, but they can still see how it can help them and their loved ones by connecting their teens, adult kids, grandkids and themselves to a wider community. You're really never to old to mentor your children, and your children are never to old to see you lead by example.

I realize this is a lengthy review, but I want to leave a few more comments here, because I just can't say enough about this book! Here's some about the meat of the book and my takeaways, what I felt was the important thing to learn from each chapter.

Ch. 1 - The Orange Parent - A parent's influence is best realized in partnership with the church. - I summarized this above already...

Ch. 2 - Stock Family Syndrome - God isn't holding up a perfect picture; He's writing a bigger story. -
My takeaway: This is the chapter that lets you realize that you're family is part of God's story, no matter how messed up. There are no "perfect" families, despite what people may see on the outside. Dealing with addiction, depression, divorce, an out-of-control teen? Take a look at the messed up people in the Bible who God used and you should realize your family is just in the perfect place for God to use you and them as part of HIS bigger story.

Ch. 3 - Family Value #1: Widen the Circle - Pursue strategic relationships for your kids.
My takeaway: Your present family will never be enough for your children. At some point, they will seek out relationships with others. You can be strategic in choosing who you would like to have influence your kids, or you can leave it up to your kids... I'll take option #1, thank you!

Ch. 4 - Family Value #2: Imagine the End - Focus your priorities on what matters most.
My takeaway: Focus on WHO you want your children to be when they're grown. (Not what you want them to HAVE.) What are YOU doing to help develop the characteristics you want to see in them? I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes by David Bly - "Your children will became what you are. So be what you want them to be."

Ch. 5 - Family Value #3: Fight for the Heart - Communicate in a style that gives the relationship value.
My takeaway: While this chapter helps me with young kids, this is the chapter that speaks most to the parents with out of control or hard to handle teens. It's about fighting FOR a good relationship with your kids instead of fighting WITH your kids. It gives you real ways that you can do this!

Ch. 6 - Family Value #4: Create a Rhythm - Increase the quantity of quality time you spend together.
My takeaway: This is what our church's kids' ministry tries to help us do. The subtitle really explains it all but this chapter gives you application ideas to accomplish this, without having to really add anything to your already busy schedule! It's about being intentional in the moments you have with your kids.

Ch. 7 - Family Value #5: Make It Personal - Put yourself first when it comes to personal growth.
My takeaway: Again, the David Bly quote comes to mind here. One sentence from this chapter also sums it up nicely, "If you want it to be in them, it has to be in YOU."

Ch. 8 - Back to the Story - You can mobilize your family to demonstrate God's love in a broken world.
My takeaway: Again, one sentence from the book sums this up for me. "When your children engage in a bigger story, they are linked to the nature of God's love, which will carry them far beyond what human love will ever have the capacity to do." For the younger kids, I think of the book "The Boy Who Changed the World" by Andy Andrews. For older kids/teens, check out the YouTube video "Donald Miller...A Better Story." What kind of story do you want to give your kids?

This is quite possibly the longest review I've ever written. I hope it's helpful and that it makes you want to read the book to find out more! I'll conclude my review this way: It's a $10 book that will quite possibly change your life, and the lives of your family. What have you got to lose? Read it!

I love this book! My church gave all the parents getting their babies dedicated a copy of the book. I have been handed books at various churches before and they have been, for lack of better words boring and obvious. So when the head of the children's ministry handed me the book I really didn't intend on reading it, but then she started stressing how she wanted all the parents to read it. She basically pleaded with the parents to read it, so I had to read it... Needless to say I was very blessed by this book. I am a 20 year old mother of two young children and at times I feel like I am not qualified to parent my wonderful kids, but this book touched on almost all of the issues I have! I have purchased this book for all the parents in my family for Christmas. GREAT BOOK!

This is a quick insightful read. The author's break down 5 essentials to "parenting beyond your capacity" for clear understanding. Ideally, I would recommend reading this book with your spouse and talking about the ideas in the book. It is simple to grasp, but takes a commitment to apply. Highly recommended!

Wish I had this book as a young parent! ALL parents can truly benefit from the insight of these two seasoned leaders(both are Dads too). This book will help parents see the power of partnering with others to influence the heart of their kids and increase their capacity as parents. Great Father's Day gift!

This book is anything but another "to do list" for parents. Unlike many other parenting books I've read, I did not put it down feeling overwhelmed and like a failure. I put it down with much to think about and feeling challenged to be a better Mom...even if one little baby step at a time. The book is filled with fun little stories that give us glimpses into the lives of Reggie & Carey. I LOVE this book & will use it as a gift for dear friends & family.

I have been working with middle school students & their families for 7 years. My collection of articles, blogs, websites, and books is always growing as I seek to better understand the ever changing dynamics that exist between students and their parents. Over the past few years our Church has become very intentional to partner with parents~ unifying our Children, Middle School, High School, and Young Adult Ministries under the same banner with the same mission; 'Preparing the next generation to live for Jesus one season at a time.' In my opinion, 'Parenting Beyond your Capacity' is an incredible resource for all parents and church leaders. Not only does this book provide applicable wisdom on parenting and real life experiences, it constantly reminds us of what is at stake and that we are not meant to parent alone. I highly recommend this book, not only professionally, but personally... "The family exists, even in its imperfection, to display the heart of God to every generation."

Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community (The Orange Series) is the latest in the collection of books in the Orange tradition. Reggie Joiner has been the leader of this movement that has attempted to combine the yellow force (church) and the red force (family) to impact the lives of children and young adults in powerful ways. In this book, co-authored by Carey Neiuwhof, the orange philosophy is applied to parenting. Joiner and Neiuwhof demonstrate that parents need to partner with the church to go beyond their own abilities. As parents allow other Christians into the lives of their children, their children are influenced in powerful ways.

Consistent with the Orange approach to ministry and family, Joiner and Neiuwhof encourage parents to find ways to discuss faith in natural family settings. They list some opportunities that work well with the resources that are available from the ReThink Group, though the book never offers up these resources specifically except in some advertising at the end of the book. They also encourage the spiritual growth of the parents as well, which can happen by taking time out from life and by getting involved with small groups in a church setting.

What is great about this book is the honesty that the writers show. They are willing to admit their own parenting mistakes, and they never speak from the position of superiority. As they note, so many Christian parenting books only bring about feelings of guilt and inadequacy. This book says that we are all imperfect, and we need influences from outside the home to help us figure all of this out.

This is an awesome book to use with a Small Group of new parents! We are having a weekly Small Group Study for new parents and this book is awesome!

This is a must read for new paretns.