Parenting the Hurt Child : Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow [Hardcover]

Gregory Keck (Author), Regina M. Kupecky (Author), L.G. Mansfield (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 19, 2002

When a child is adopted, he or she can arrive with hurts from past pain. With time, patience, informed parenting, and appropriate therapy, your adopted child can heal, grow, and develop beyond what seems possible now.

Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky explain how to manage a hurting child with loving wisdom and resolve and how to preserve your stability while untangling their thorny hearts.

• Indexed for easy reference.
• Also available: Adopting the Hurt Child

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

In this sequel to their Adopting the Hurt Child (1998), Keck and Kupecky explore how parents can help adopted or foster children who have suffered neglect or abuse. They begin by outlining changes in adoption and fostering procedures in recent years and use case studies to document the friction and disruption introduced into a household when a hurt, adopted child is brought into the family. The authors examine attachment disorders and control issues as well as parenting techniques that work (praise, consistency, flexibility, anger management) and those that don't work (punishment, withholding parental love, grounding, time-outs, deprivation). They highlight the symptoms of abuse and options for therapy. Foster or adoptive parents need to claim the role of parent in the child's life, the authors advise, suggesting ways to deal with teachers and other authority figures in the child's life. The book includes a variety of resources on, among other topics, finance, therapy for siblings and parents, cultural differences, and marriage counseling. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

From the Back Cover

Your Hurt Child Can Heal and Grow. When a child is adopted, he can arrive with hurts from the past-pain that stunts his emotional growth, and your family’s life, too. At some point your parenting dreams can shatter, and raising a hurt child becomes more like a burden than a blessing. But don’t give up. With time, patience, informed parenting, and appropriate therapy, your adopted child can heal, grow, and develop beyond what seems possible now. From insights gathered through years of working with adopted kids who have experienced early trauma, Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky explain how to manage a hurting child with loving wisdom and resolve, and how to preserve your stability while untangling their thorny hearts. “We hope that what we share will give you strength, courage, and commitment,” write the authors. “We hope you will tap into your own resources and creativity to become the parent you’ve always wanted to be.” If you’ve adopted a child, whatever the circumstances, you’ll find hope and healing on these pages––for you, your family, and especially your adopted child.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: NavPress; 1st edition (March 19, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576833143
• ISBN-13: 978-1576833148
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #168,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

64 of 67 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Book for Everyone, May 24, 2003

By 

Amy Hilliard (VA, United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Parenting the Hurt Child : Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow (Hardcover)

This is a very good book for both parents and teachers. It is also useful for adults relating to children who both are and are not "hurt." This book can be read as a preventive measure, as well as a book to turn to when nothing seems to get through to a child.

I tutor at a learning center, and work with children from all types of backgrounds and with all kinds of learning and behavior problems. This book has been very helpful to me. I feel I have successfully applied the techniques and suggestions in Chapter 4, and hopefully have avoided the pitfalls listed in Chapter 3. Chapter 5 has specific activities parents can do to positively affect their interactions with their child. Some activities can be incorporated in a teacher/tutor and child interaction, but they are more for parental interactions. Chapter 6 deals with education and is more for both parents and teachers. At the end of the book the authors present letters told from the viewpoint of both parents and children. If you want to learn about relevant research, Chapter 12, "the Author's Smorgasbord," gives brief descriptions of articles about hurt children. Also, the section "Related Readings" presents a reference list of useful articles. All of the researchers on this list are pioneers in early development and/or very well known for the quality of their research.

What I especially like about this book is that it does not make the parent feel guilty for the current state of their relationship with their child. Those feelings of guilt can hamper the positive growth of the interaction between parent and child. If you are even contemplating this book, or one like it, that says a lot. If you are really in a bind, go straight to Chapter 7 "Surviving When It Feels Like Nothing Works." Good luck and don't give up!

33 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars HELPFUL , INFORMATIVE & COMFORTING, April 21, 2003

By 

"regina_lisa" (Kernersville, NC USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Parenting the Hurt Child : Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow (Hardcover)

I am the "Forever Mommy" of three wonderful children under the age of 9. I actually laughed (ALOT) while reading this book and felt tremendous relief to read that I am not insane! Many adoptive families go through the same intensity that we do. There were many great ideas that worked wonderfully - in fact the counselors, doctors and social workers actually wrote down some of the ideas for future reference for other families.

I sent a copy of this book to my mother to give her some insight and education. This is a MUST READ for all family members blessed with an adoptive child!!

25 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal an, June 3, 2002

By 

Valerie Brandenburg (Cleveland, Ohio) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Parenting the Hurt Child : Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow (Hardcover)

This is an absolute MUST READ FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ADOPTED a child older than a month. The book's chapter on the destruption a hurt child can bring to a household brought tears to my eyes from my own experience as a "residential" step-mother years ago. It is so accurate. It also helps put it in perspective that the child is not out to get you, but only expressing their own fears in the only way they know how.
The book contains a chapter on what to look for in a therapist if you decide you need that kind of help (and you probably will.) It also contains a fabulous chapter on how to get help at school for your child's special needs.
I think that the most orignal chapter is the chapter that lists a number of activities that you can do with your child that promotes bonding between you and your child. It reminds all of us that we need to have fun with our children and gives us some reminders of just how we might do that.
As a lawyer working in the divorce area, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book to ALL STEP_PARENTS who are spending long periods of time with a child. It is a beautifully simple, easy-to-understand explanation of bonding problems from the child's
perspective.
I am sure that you will not only find the book helpful, but you will be sharing it with friends. It's cost is very reasonable and if you are having any problems with your adopted child or step-child, it will be the best money you ever spent!