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Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow Paperback – June 15, 2009

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Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow + The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family + Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: NavPress; Rev Upd edition (June 15, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1600062903
  • ISBN-13: 978-1600062902
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 6 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (54 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #52,194 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

In this sequel to their Adopting the Hurt Child (1998), Keck and Kupecky explore how parents can help adopted or foster children who have suffered neglect or abuse. They begin by outlining changes in adoption and fostering procedures in recent years and use case studies to document the friction and disruption introduced into a household when a hurt, adopted child is brought into the family. The authors examine attachment disorders and control issues as well as parenting techniques that work (praise, consistency, flexibility, anger management) and those that don't work (punishment, withholding parental love, grounding, time-outs, deprivation). They highlight the symptoms of abuse and options for therapy. Foster or adoptive parents need to claim the role of parent in the child's life, the authors advise, suggesting ways to deal with teachers and other authority figures in the child's life. The book includes a variety of resources on, among other topics, finance, therapy for siblings and parents, cultural differences, and marriage counseling. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Back Cover

Sadly, the world is full of children who have been hurt by someone they should have been able to trust. If you’ve chosen to bring one of these children into your family, you likely have hopes, dreams, and images of success—dreams and images that might now look dark and hopeless.

In this updated and revised sequel to Adopting the Hurt Child, authors Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky share valuable suggestions to help your hurt child heal, grow, and develop. You’ll learn what works and what doesn’t, as well as hear stories from those who have been there.

The best hope for parenting a hurt child is knowledge. Get started here.

Customer Reviews

It really helped me to understand what he has been through and to see things through his eyes.
Mrs. C
If one were to buy ONE book to help provide info and advice on attachment, discipline, and general parenting of the hurt child--this would be it.
A highly recommended read for any parent of a child with RAD, anyone considering international adoption and also for foster parents.
Ship It 2 Me

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

77 of 81 people found the following review helpful By Amy Henley VINE VOICE on May 24, 2003
Format: Hardcover
This is a very good book for both parents and teachers. It is also useful for adults relating to children who both are and are not "hurt." This book can be read as a preventive measure, as well as a book to turn to when nothing seems to get through to a child.
I tutor at a learning center, and work with children from all types of backgrounds and with all kinds of learning and behavior problems. This book has been very helpful to me. I feel I have successfully applied the techniques and suggestions in Chapter 4, and hopefully have avoided the pitfalls listed in Chapter 3. Chapter 5 has specific activities parents can do to positively affect their interactions with their child. Some activities can be incorporated in a teacher/tutor and child interaction, but they are more for parental interactions. Chapter 6 deals with education and is more for both parents and teachers. At the end of the book the authors present letters told from the viewpoint of both parents and children. If you want to learn about relevant research, Chapter 12, "the Author's Smorgasbord," gives brief descriptions of articles about hurt children. Also, the section "Related Readings" presents a reference list of useful articles. All of the researchers on this list are pioneers in early development and/or very well known for the quality of their research.
What I especially like about this book is that it does not make the parent feel guilty for the current state of their relationship with their child. Those feelings of guilt can hamper the positive growth of the interaction between parent and child. If you are even contemplating this book, or one like it, that says a lot. If you are really in a bind, go straight to Chapter 7 "Surviving When It Feels Like Nothing Works." Good luck and don't give up!
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34 of 34 people found the following review helpful By owsinsomnia on January 15, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book is well-organized, well-written, and provides some helpful insights into the behaviors that are common among hurt children. It also provides guidance on interventions that a parent can use to work on altering undesired behaviors. The book is forwarded by Foster Cline (Love and Logic, attachment-related "holding" therapy) and so it's not a surprise that the authors relied heavily on Cline's theories and techniques when developing their own guidance for working with these kids. While I think that some of Cline's techniques are useful (and they carefully avoid the more extreme theories and techniques developed by Cline from which even he has distanced himself ), I take issue with others. Their methods include mocking and parroting a child and using a form of psychology that involves misrepresenting the facts to a child (verbalizing that the parent is actually pleased the child is misbehaving because that is what the parents actually want from the child). As a trained and experienced clinician and educator, I take issue with these techniques. They lack respect for the child and put the parent in the position of manipulator rather than ally. The authors spend a great deal of time instructing the parents to take and maintain control and at some points, at all costs, in my opinion. I would lobby for a more tempered approach.

There is much about this book that is useful, and my issues with it stem largely from my theoretical perspective. To that end, I recommend this book to those who are disciples of the Love and Logic methodology, and to others who are able to read it with a critical eye. Employ the interventions that seem useful and leave behind those that don't. Thus, it's more suitable for a more seasoned consumer of information about parenting hurt children.
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47 of 50 people found the following review helpful By "regina_lisa" on April 21, 2003
Format: Hardcover
I am the "Forever Mommy" of three wonderful children under the age of 9. I actually laughed (ALOT) while reading this book and felt tremendous relief to read that I am not insane! Many adoptive families go through the same intensity that we do. There were many great ideas that worked wonderfully - in fact the counselors, doctors and social workers actually wrote down some of the ideas for future reference for other families.
I sent a copy of this book to my mother to give her some insight and education. This is a MUST READ for all family members blessed with an adoptive child!!
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37 of 40 people found the following review helpful By Valerie Brandenburg on June 3, 2002
Format: Hardcover
This is an absolute MUST READ FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ADOPTED a child older than a month. The book's chapter on the destruption a hurt child can bring to a household brought tears to my eyes from my own experience as a "residential" step-mother years ago. It is so accurate. It also helps put it in perspective that the child is not out to get you, but only expressing their own fears in the only way they know how.
The book contains a chapter on what to look for in a therapist if you decide you need that kind of help (and you probably will.) It also contains a fabulous chapter on how to get help at school for your child's special needs.
I think that the most orignal chapter is the chapter that lists a number of activities that you can do with your child that promotes bonding between you and your child. It reminds all of us that we need to have fun with our children and gives us some reminders of just how we might do that.
As a lawyer working in the divorce area, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book to ALL STEP_PARENTS who are spending long periods of time with a child. It is a beautifully simple, easy-to-understand explanation of bonding problems from the child's
I am sure that you will not only find the book helpful, but you will be sharing it with friends. It's cost is very reasonable and if you are having any problems with your adopted child or step-child, it will be the best money you ever spent!
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