Customer Reviews

Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven Five-Week Program for Parents of Two- to Six-Year-Olds [Revised and Updated Edition]

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If you wished your child came with a set of instructions, this book is it! The foundation of this book is what many of us feel in our hearts but don't know how to achieve: discipline from a positive perspective and rule out the shouting and spanking. This book should be mandatory reading for every parent leaving the maternity ward. It is not just for strong-willed children. The 5-step program is easily attainable for anyone committed to a better relationship with their child/children. Having read a half-dozen books related to boys and difficult behaviors in a search for answers, I guarantee this book is the best.

As a pediatrician, I'm asked discipline questions every day. This is a fine book which takes a step-wise approach to improving your relationship with your child - especially a child who is difficult to discipline. Our 5 year old is strong-willed and tempermental and we were able to use this approach very succesfully - without spanking! Parents are given assignments to complete & are to focus on only one thing a week - & practice it every day. I appreciate the fact that after the end of the 1st week parents usually end up appreciating their own child much more - noticing good behavior more and focusing in on that rather than dwelling on the irritating behaviors. This book is very good for parents who are very motivated to change, not for ones looking for a quick fix - I promise, there is none. I would also recommend 123 Magic and Dr. Sears' book "The Discipline Book" - they are highly recommended in my practice every day.

My son started the terrible two's at about 18 mos. When I brought home our second child when he's was 26 mos. The terrible two's escalated exponentially. He was would bite, hit, scream, etc. to get more attention. I gave him more attention and the temper got worse.

I was at my wits end. A friend told me about 1-2-3 Magic, another book on the subject. I read the reviews and was rather distressed by the mixed reviews. I was looking for a technique that would make my entire family happier. I felt I didn't get enough information from the internet (sorry Amazon) for such an important subject. Also, I don't have time to read several books, I needed my family's relationship with my son to change now.

At a local book store, I read the forwards of several books on child discipline. This book made me feel most comfortable. I have only completed week 1 and I am actually extending week one into a week two. The first thing they point out is that parents tend to make demands and ask specific questions when communicating with their child. I didn't realize this, but it's true.

Week 1 is attending...generally you are playing with your child and letting him direct the play, while you are running commentary. It sounds corny, but by just narrating what he is doing, he feels that what he is doing is important. You comment on everything that he does except on misbehavior. Doing this I found just how much I usually tend to instruct and direct him and reprimand him. The goal is to incorporate this into your daily routine. He has quieted down with the obnoxious behavior already and I look forward the incorporating the weeks to come.

"Parenting the Strong-Willed Child" is a badly named book-unless you believe that all children are strong-willed. It is true that some children are much more strong willed than average, and it is to the parents of these children that the book, according to its title, is directed. However, the information in the book is suited for ANY parent. The target age of children referred to in the book is 2-6 years old. Nevertheless, most of the principles given are also applicable to older children, and many could even be adapted for using with teen-agers. Any parent (or grandparent, for that matter) would benefit from reading this book. Instead of presenting generalities (e.g., "parents should be consistent"), the authors give specific information as to when to be and how to become, using the above example, consistent. The principles given are proven (I had many people pay a lot more than the cost of the book to attend a series of parenting classes which gave basically the same information). The only time they will not work is when they are not used. They will not make overnight changes in any child (for best success use them with your children from the beginning), but enough improvements will be made to give a parent hope. And if you are raising an exceptionally strong-willed child, hope is a wonderful first step!

Just had to write in, although I actually have an older edition. This book saved my family this year! My 5 year old (then 4) was acting out horribly and we were spanking and he was just getting worse & worse. This was when we brought home our baby (our 3rd child) of course. We just all felt terrible & spanking was clearly making it all worse. Our first child has never been spanked, having always been very compliant, so we had no experience with how to deal with our very defiant, intense, and obstinate (but also very loving) boy. I found this book on Amazon, looking for ANYTHING out of desperation, and I'm glad to say that it worked like nothing else has. Be warned, as the book says, that if your child is a born "tester" as mine is, you will never be out of the woods & this book will not "cure" him. He still tests us (& now his kindergarten teacher) on a regular basis, especially when his regularly structured day changes. He just will always have to check where his limits are to feel comfortable. And boy, does he test! I have to say that this book also worked for my nanny, whom he was testing quite a bit when she first started caring for him. And on rare occasions, I hate to say that he does behave outrageously enough that we will wind up spanking him. But most of the time, he does OK, he knows where his limits are, & these techniques WORK. A word of warning, though. They take TIME and a committment to be willing to STOP whatever you're doing and enforce the limits immediately. Which often means you HAVE to interrupt a meal, or groceries, or class, or any other activity for which interruptions are unwelcome. This isn't magic and it is all pretty common sense. But parenting children like my boy is unequivocally high-intensity and they will be high-need for as long as we are raising them. It just requires accepting that fact & that it isn't your fault. I highly & frequently recommend this book to ALL parents, especially those who have been spanking. It will change your outlook, you will understand how spanking deeply undermines your parenting and your child, and you will truly appreciate your child AND being a parent. To those desperately seeking a solution, here's the best I've found. Best wishes on your parenting adventure!

I am a child clinical psychologist who specializes in helping families parent children with behavior problems. This is a really excellent book, written by internationally known experts in the field. The program is based on over 30 years of careful, thorough research. Please do not confuse this book with Dobson's, The Strong-willed Child, which advocates harsh, ineffective discipline.

I am a child clinical psychologist and I specialize in the prevention and treatment of behavior problems in young children. Despite what the title, implies, this book is useful for a wide variety of children. Afterall, what preschool-aged child is without more than a few strong-willed moments?

I particularly like this book as a companion to Gottman's "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child." The strengths of these books, both written by leaders in parenting and child research, really complement one another.

I checked out a few books before deciding on this one. It focuses mainly on using positive reinforcement and time outs to change bad behaviors. Prior to reading this, I didn't really know how to use time outs successfully. (For example, the book discusses how the child should be returned to the original place where the behavior occurred after finishing the time out. So if you were asking the child to pick up her toys, ask her to pick them up again after the time out. If not, the time out can become a way to "get out" of doing something. )

The approaches discussed in the book have really helped my family a lot. I feel like I have a set of guidelines to follow so when my daughter starts to act out I don't get frustrated - I know what to do! I guess that just goes with my personality though - I'm more frustrated when I don't know what's happening next. This helps me avoid that - it's like I have a mental checklist in my head of things to do when she acts up. Now that my husband and I both use the techniques discussed - our whole household is much happier!

Another reviewer commented that ignoring a child is a poor parenting technique. I disagree. I found it to be very effective when used properly. Common sense tells you not to ignore a child who's crying because she's hurt. However, when a child is screaming purely to get attention (as mine does) and there's nothing wrong with her, ignoring is the only way to curb that behavior. We had a real problem with my 3 y/o daughter screaming in the car, in the store, or at home, just because she didn't get want she wanted. After we'd ignored the behavior enough times, she simply stopped doing it. Instead, we tell her to explain how she feels. So now she just says "I'm mad about something." And we talk about it. SOOO much better!

My point is this - I realize this book will not give you all the answers, and nor will it work for every single child, but I found it quite helpful in parenting MY strong-willed child.

I want my kids to view spanking as the worst thing ever - the atomic bomb of punishment. If you have to spank a kid more than once a month, it ain't working.
As I prepared to give my strong-willed, stubborn 2 year old her third spanking in one day (?!) {for hitting her older brother -AGAIN}, her look of bitter resentment gave me pause; for her, I needed a new plan.
More than two years after buying "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child" by Forehand and Long, I am the happy father of a still strong-willed and stubborn 4 year old. However, she is mostly well-behaved and obedient, as well as happy, and does not resent or fear me. I whole-heartedly endorse this book's progam.
"Parenting the Strong-Willed Child" also seems to be a clinical, religion-free, nuts and bolts implementation of Dr. Ross Campbell's excellent "How to Really Love Your Child."

I was looking for a book that could give me some guidance as to how to deal with my 2 1/2 year old's tantrums and her incredible energy. While reading 'Parenting the strong-willed child' I felt that the authors refered to mean robots rather than to a child that is most likely struggling herself. There are plenty of tips and advices in the book, but unfortunatly the authors will only tell you with very few for wich age group they are appropriate. I felt that most of what is written does not apply either to my daughter's age or her temperament.

As the title mentions already, it is a very clinical book. I did not like this approach, where you have lists to check off and flow charts to look at for your child's behaviour. Yet, when I was looking for more feedback or an answer to my many 'what if ...' questions I was left in the dark again.

For somebody who is looking at a more humane and understanding approach to this subject I would highly recommend 'Raising your spirited child' by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. This author did a wonderful job and I will definitely read her book over and over again as my daughter gets older. So far, it has truly helped me to greatly improve everyday life for me and my daughter (which was nice and loving before, but sometimes I was just at a loss and did not know how to handle special situations) and shown me to see many things (in her and in myself) from a much more loving and understanding point of view.