Parenting With Love and Logic : Teaching Children Responsibility [Illustrated] [Hardcover]

Foster W. Cline (Author), Jim Fay (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 1, 1990

EFFECTIVE PARENTING-WITHOUT THE POWER STRUGGLES.

As parents, you have only a few years to prepare your children for a world that requires responsibility and maturity for survival. That thought alone can send shivers down your parental spine!

So what do you do? Hover over your kids so they never make mistakes? Drill them so they'll remember the important principles when you're on their own? Tear your hair out, wondering if teaching them responsibility is anything but a battle of wills?

According to Jim Fay, one of America's top educational consultants, and Dr. Foster Cline, a trend-setting child and adult psychiatrist, parents who try to ensure their children's success often raise unsuccessful kids. Responsibility is like anything else-it has to be learned through practice.

If you want to raise kids who are self-confident, motivated, and ready for the real world, take advantage of the win-win approach to parenting. Your kids will win because they'll learn responsibility and the logic of life by solving their own problems. And you'll win because you'll establish healthy control-without resorting to anger, threats, nagging, or exhausting power struggles.

Parenting with Love and Logic puts the fun back into parenting!

"Parents consistently tell us they wish they had known about love and logic earlier. This common sense approach gives parents a tangible hope that they can still influence their kids."-Dave Funk, staff development coordinator, New Berlin Public Schools, Wisconsin

"I have been a principal for four years now and have used these methods with great success. Thank you for all the creative ideas."-Steven B. Vande Ven, principal, Sherrelwood Elementary School, Denver, Colorado

"I'm continually amazed at how well these principles work, not only with children, but with parents and other adults. It's great to get away from punishment and anger and into love and logic."-Sharon Alexander, principal, Disnard Elementary School, Claremont, New Hampshire

"I really believe that this material can benefit every parent. I have never enjoyed my children more. Parenting has become fun, and stress and anger no longer dominate my life."-Pam L. Tourigny, group home foster parent, Snelling, California

"Parenting with Love and Logic meets with wonderful results. For the first time in four years, we're making progress in the right direction with our teenager."-Billie Leafgreen, parent, Lander, Wyoming

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Psychiatrist Cline and educator Fay's "Love and Logic" parenting method advocates raising responsible children through practice. "Helicopter" parents hover around their children while "drill sergeant" parents give orders to theirs, they claim. Neither of these styles permits children to learn how to make choices and learn from the consequences. The result is that as early as adolescence these children too often make bad decisions. In the context of a healthy, loving relationship, "Love and Logic" parents teach their children responsibility and the logic of life by solving their own problems, providing skills for coping in the real world. After laying out the principles of "Love and Logic," the authors provide "parenting pearls," which are strategies for applying the method to actual situations such as back-seat battles in the car, homework, and keeping bedrooms clean. The narration, performed by Tim Kenney and Bert Gurule, is clear and energetic. This is an upbeat and sensible approach to child rearing that will be popular in public libraries.?Nann Blaine Hilyard, Fargo P.L., N.D.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

If you're looking for practical parenting skills, this book is a must. The pages are chock full of tips that you can implement right away...this book is one of the best parenting resources I've seen. Because of what I learned from this book, I've already seen positive changes in my relationship with my son. Don't let this vital resource slip by. (Jolene L. Roehlkepartain, OURS Magazine, February 1993)

Without question, this is the most practical book I have ever read on this subject, and I hope that every parent gets a copy and puts it into practice. --John Kennington, Fellowship Today Magazine, December 1990

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 229 pages
• Publisher: Pinon Press; 1 edition (July 1, 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0891093117
• ISBN-13: 978-0891093114
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 5.9 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (479 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #38,450 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Foster Cline, M.D., is an internationally recognized physician and adult and child psychiatrist who has successfully parented four children. He is a consultant to mental health organizations, school systems, and business and parent groups across North America. He specializes in working with difficult children and is founder of Evergreen Consultants in Evergreen, Colorado.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

185 of 196 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars The amazing power of choices, and other parenting tips February 4, 2004

By Michael Erisman

Format:Hardcover

Basically, this book is about how to create a positive learning environment for our children, by giving them control of non-essential choices designed to be the desired outcome regardless of which choice they choose. It also provides some great insight into how to create a trusting and positive environment while teaching some positive habits.

My wife read this book first and I noticed an immediate change in how she reacted to our rather headstrong two-year old. Staying calm, and giving choices like: Do you want to have milk before you go to bed, or juice? This instead of the battle on whether or not she was going to bed. We find ourselves laughing at some of the absurd choices we come up with, and it's harder than it appears to consistently think this way. What is easy to see is that it works, and works well. Some of our biggest battles over dressing, or going to bed, or eating dinner have become much easier and the "uh-oh" said calmly has stopped some poor behavior in its tracks!

While we both embrace the fact that testing the limits is a natural and healthy way for young children to learn, this book gave some great insights on how to facilitate and not discourage that type of learning, and yet still teach the right behaviors.

I was not thrilled with the overall editing and layout of the book, as it jumped around a bit, and half-way through would say things like: This may not work for children under three! OK, this is information we could have used four chapters ago when the authors were making a point we were attempting to follow. That minor complaint notwithstanding, this is an excellent book and is highly recommended for all parents with young children.

693 of 752 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars I like the theory, NOT their execution March 4, 2008

By ES

Format:Hardcover

I borrowed this book from the library and have just finished reading part one. I will admit first that I am the product of what the authors call "helicopters," so some of the ideas in the book are unusual to me.

In general, I like the idea of natural consequences, enforcable choices, and encouraging children to think through their problems. I can see myself using these principles with my own daughter, but not always the way the authors do it. Some of the sample dialogues in the book are reasonable but many do not sound as genuine and empathetic as the authors imply.

Some of the examples in the book and in the "pearls" are making me very upset. In one case, a child has been neglecting her dog by not feeding it, so the mom just gives it away with no warning and without confronting the girl about it. The authors admit this is a really tough approach but that's how kids learn that unless you take care of your health and your animals serious illness or death can result. Now this sounds crazy to me. In our home, we think of pets as a family responsibility, so that might be one difference. Still, wouldn't it teach the girl more about empathy to sit her down and say "you can either come up with a schedule and feed the dog or we are giving it away, you have one week to improve." Why do these authors feel that giving someone a second chance is a bad thing? It seems this might teach her "if I don't fulfill my responsiblity, someone else will take care of it for me."

Another example is a mom who asked her son to do something and he mouths off and refuses. So the next day when he asks for a ride she says, yesterday you showed me that asking nicely can be ignored, so I'm not going to drive you to your activity, even though you asked nicely. Isn't that just being petty and/or spiteful? That's a great lesson for your kid.

A third example is a kid who blows his lunch money and allowance on a carnival and has no money for lunch at school. So he asks his dad if he can make a lunch from food in the fridge. The dad says, yes, but you have to pay for it because I already gave you money for lunch once. Really? Your kid offers to take responsibility to make his own lunch all week and you are going to charge him for it? I'd think remembering to make lunch everyday would teach him the lesson. I agree to not giving him more money, but charging for the food in the fridge sounds stingy - won't he learn that as part of the lesson too?

I think it is possible for kids to learn self-reliance with this method but some of the examples just sound like the kids would end up feeling like their parents are not willing to help them out without significant groveling. It sounds as though a Love and Logic parent is not supposed to give advice or help a kid work on the solution, or not until the child has time to ponder it and slink back to ask for help. I'm not advocating parents do the solving, just help, like talking it out with them or brainstorming. I thought helping others is an important value to teach our kids (not being doormats, being a sounding board to say "what do you think would happen if you used that solution?"). This seems to teach "I'm genuinely sorry you have a problem but it's still yours." Nice.

I just wonder if some of these examples I've listed would make the kid feel like their parents view them as impositions or that the parents really begrudge them something. I realize that how you do it depends on the age of the child, but some of this still seems pretty harsh the way the authors do it. In some cases I don't think that helping them is equal to bailing them out. The examples sound like the parent says "I know you will come up with a solution" and then they just walk away.

I greatly prefer How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk. It also emphasizes consequences and letting kids make choices and solve problems themselves but it shows you how to do this and keep talking with them at the same time. If Love and Logic is a turn-off for you, consider reading this other book before throwing out the consiquences/choices method entirely.

336 of 362 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful, easy-to-use ideas - but a missed opportunity April 9, 2001

By Nature Mom w/ 2 children + EE & Management degrees

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I found the "thinking words" vs. "fighting words" sections very helpful. Instead of "Stop yelling!" try "When your voice is as calm as mine, I'll be glad to talk with you." (works for whining too!) Once you've read this book, the "pearls" are easy to use later as a quick reference (about 50 issues including bossiness, getting ready for school, bedtime, teeth brushing, TV, temper tantrums and whining ). The first time I read the book a few years ago, I knew there were some great ideas, but I also felt like I was about to let my children initially experience too many logical consequences, and perhaps a drop in self-esteem. I think the book missed an opportunity to give parents an option to gradually implement their method of teaching responsibility by first acting as an emotional coach. A recently released book used in conjunction with this one was the answer I was looking for. If you have young children or think you may want to help coach your children first, try this book along with "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (author of "Raising your Spirited Child"). The combination is powerful! I keep both books on hand for quick reference and my favorite ideas from them taped to my refrigerator.