Customer Reviews

Parenting Young Children : Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (Step) of Children Under Six (#14302)

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One of my assignments as a new family therapist in the late 70s was to attend a good parenting class. I chose Don Dinkmeyer and Gary McKay's three-day workshop called Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP). Since I had not been a parent but I had been a child I wondered what else there was besides punishment, reward, spanking, lectures and threats.
I was surprised to learn that giving a choice such as a natural or a logical consequence is more effective than reward and punishment. That punishment invites resistance and prevents the child from learning to make decisions, makes the parent responsible for their child's behavior and suggests that acceptable behavior is expected only around authority figures.
A memory from my childhood made me think using choices made sense. When my mother took me to the dentist when I was seven I cried and refused to open my mouth. The dentist said sternly, "Niki, you have a choice-if you cooperate your mother can stay otherwise she'll have to wait outside." I immediately stopped crying and opened my mouth.
Other STEP recommendations include:
 Provide a logical consequence. For example if the child's shoes are soiling the couch give them a choice between sitting on the couch properly or sitting on the floor.
 Provide a natural consequence. For example allow the child to go hungry if they do not eat.
 Allow the child to learn from their mistake and be responsible for their actions. This helps the parent avoid the "bad guy" role.
 Encourage the child to take responsibility for choices instead of pitying, shaming or overprotecting.
 Ask the child what they think is fair. A consequence is more effective if the child sees it as logical and it fits the crime.
 Talk less and act more when using natural or logical consequences.
 A logical consequence implies no moral judgment. Punishment tells the child they are bad and ignores their natural goodness, desire to cooperate, inherent curiosity and the need to feel a part of the family.
 Treat the child with dignity by separating the deed from the doer.
 Instead of using praise where the child's worth depends on their ability to perform use encouragement as it focuses on effort not results.
 Set realistic standards and focus on strengths instead of demanding perfection.
 Stop criticism and encourage positive attempts. Use your feelings and reactions about a child's behavior to point to the purpose of the child's behavior.
 Ignore attention-seeking behavior, withdraw from power conflicts, avoid retaliation, and hurt.
 Learn to listen to the child's thoughts and feelings. When the child is "heard" they can change how they feel and act. Use "I-messages" not "you-messages" as they express feelings without blame.
When I used STEP's positive approach in individual, family and group counseling the families parenting skills and self esteem improved. The parents were surprised at their children's insight and wisdom. I found that STEP's principles really do provide information and techniques to help parents become more knowledgeable, confident and successful. As Dinkmeyer points out living respectfully with others is more effective than gaining control via a pecking order.
The STEP course not only made me a better therapist but it introduced me to a more positive and respectful way to relate to all people.

Parenting Young Children is in a format that even sleep-deprived parents can digest. The book discusses situations that are familiar to almost every parent. It shows ways to be consistent and give your children choices within reasonable limits.

After illustrating a problem the book offers an analysis. It then explores multiple ways of reacting. Each chapter concludes with a little summary which is helpful when putting a strategy into practice.

I like the concept because it works without punishment and does not make the child behave out of fear. Any strategy always keeps in mind to respect the child, help the child build self-esteem and encourage the child to cooperate.

If you agree with these values, this book is for you.

When I was a baby, my mom (against the advice of many people who thought they knew it all) took STEP classes. I grew up in a very loving household where discipline was constant and sensible, thanks in part to the skills my mom learned through these classes. Now that I'm grown and bringing up a little girl of my own, my husband and I are turning to these books to help us give her the best start we can toward being a good human.

Purchased this book about two months ago, when my son was five, and learned from it tremendously. Wish I had it before he was born so I could have understood his "misbehaviors" from the beginning. Better late than never! Every page of the book is easy to read and implement. The examples given were exactly what I was experiencing. The book shows you how to change and it's up to you whether you want to become a better parent. I hope you purchase it - it's worth the money.

This is a great aide in the many challenges of parenthood. I have found it useful over and over again.

This handbook provides a great foundation for conducting discussions and introducing positive discipline practices to young parents. It is simply written with each chapter introducing a new skill. I have used it for the past several years and although I supplement with extra information from various sources, it remains the core of the Parenting Class that I teach.

Parenting Young Children by Dinkmeyer and McKay. I have used this book for years for teaching parenting classes to young parents who have trouble setting limits on their children, to stop yelling, repeating themselves, and how to start listening and understanding behavior. I now give it to new parents for their first born.

The basic point seemed to be that if you pay attention and listen to your child all will go smoothly. This seems like a no brainer. Would you be buying the book if you weren't paying attention? The suggestions for discipline, although practical, were very basic. For example, have faith in your child, notice effort, listen for feelings, teach them to cooperate. Most parents already know these things.