Parenting Your Adopted Older Child: How to Overcome the Unique Challenges and Raise a Happy and Healthy Child [Paperback]

Brenda McCreight (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 15, 2002

If you've adopted a child older than two years—from the U.S. or abroad—this practical guide will provide you with all the information and toold you’ll need to overcome difficulties and develop a healthy, loving relationship with your child. You’ll learn step-by-step how to identify your child’s unique needs and wounds, create a supportive home environment, and develop the skill s needed to ally with your child against each challenge.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Parenting Your Older Adopted Child is just exactly on target. I have dealt with many of the problems that you mention on a personal level, and have held a lot of hands as people went through most of the rest of those challenges. Your book will undoubtedly contribute to many successful placements of older adopted children.
—Kathy Polsen, Adoption Advocates International, Port Angeles, Washington

Brenda McCreight has written an important book that is immensely practical for all adoptive parents, especially those adopting children with special needs. Each chapter details particular challenges facing the family, including children with RAD, FAS, ADHD, a history of abuse, open adoption, and institutional history. She also details exercises for increasing self-esteem and engendering respect for others in the family. McCreight states, 'The real challenge of older child adoption is not one of overcoming differing problems, or differing genetics, or differing pasts, but rather, it is one of moving the child away from feeling alone and toward a sense of belonging.' Her book is a must-have road map with specific suggestions for achieving this outcome.
—Sandra Lenington, publisher of Adoption Today magazine, and founder and manager of adopting.org

“Parenting Your Adopted Older Child will prove itself to be an extremely valuable and insightful text for those who parent adopted older children and for those professionals who assist in facilitating quality relationships among family members. Dr. McCreight’s experience as bothparent and professional adds to the credibility of the powerful message she presents in a very readable format.”
—Beverly J. Ingram, M.Ed., Training and Development Director, The Center for Child and Family Studies, University o f South Carolina College of Social Work

Finally! A practical, no-nonsense guide for parents on how to deal with the issues older children face when joining a new adoptive family. With trademark humor, Brenda McCreight, mother of nine children with special needs, shows parents how to resolve issues, such as grief and loss, sexual and physical abuse, as well as, improve attachment, handle ADHD and transracial issues, and manage the effects of drugs and alcohol. A must-read for anyone raising children with special needs, whether adopted locally or internationally.
—Karen Madeiros, Adoptive Families Association of British Columbia

“McCreight helps parents who adopt older children to understand an adoptee’s developmental needs. She then moves beyond discussing adoption issues to suggest useful tools for handling the complexities of successful parenting. Parents who are looking for new, creative parenting techniques will appreciate the author’s hands-on and upbeat approach.”
—Diane Martin-Hushman, Parent Group Coordinator, NACAC (North American Council on Adoptable Children), and adoptive parent of six children

About the Author

Brenda McCreight, Ph.D., is a family and child therapist, and an adoption expert with more than twenty year’s experience. She specializes in pre- and postadoption issues including counseling for adoptive and foster families in crisis and for families and children dealing with challenges such as fetal alcohol syndrome, ADHD, conduct disorder, attachment disorder, developmental delays, and cognitive impairment. McCreight is also an adult educator for both professional and lay audiences on issues related to child development, child trauma, adoptive and foster family relationships, and child behavior disorders. She lives in Nanaimo, British Columbia with her partner, they have nine children, seven of whom were adopted as older children.

Product Details

• Paperback: 199 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (June 15, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572242841
• ISBN-13: 978-1572242845
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.1 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #83,684 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #54 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Adoption

More About the Author

Brenda McCreight Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and therapist as well as the mother of 14. Brenda entered the adoption world as the young adoptive mom of a 14 month old boy with undetermined "special needs". Those special needs were later diagnosed as fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, but at the time, so little was known about it that her family couldn't even get a diagnosis, let alone find any resources. Fortunately, as a family therapist, she was able to access the scientific research. She read what little she could find, and then she began putting on workshops for other parents and professionals so that they could learn to recognize the symptoms and create ways to help their children who carried the diagnosis that would soon become so common in the adoption field. Over the next 30 years, she adopted 12 more children and kept on top of the newest research on neuroscience so that she could provide effective counseling, parent coaching, and training. So far, she's written four books about adoption - they are "Recognizing and Managing Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Effects" and "Parenting Your Older Adopted Child" and "Eden - The Story of an Older Child Adoption" and her most recent book "Help-I've Been Adopted". Brenda is the author of numerous magazine articles on adoption and has been given the Adoption Activist Award in 2003 by the North American Council on Adoptable Children. Brenda also enjoys writing fiction. She currently has several on Kindle including "Cleah: The Lost Fury Chronicles" and "Good Enough: A Shay James Mystery" and "Regards..." a book of short stories. More fiction books will be coming soon. She can be contacted by email at [e-mail] or through her blog at http://www.brendamccreight.blogspot.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Adequate but not stellar..., May 16, 2005

By 

Addison Phillips (San Jose, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Parenting Your Adopted Older Child: How to Overcome the Unique Challenges and Raise a Happy and Healthy Child (Paperback)

We adopted a four-year-old boy from Russia during the middle part of last year, and, of course, we faced many of the challenges that other families encounter in building trust, establishing a bond, integrating a new family member, and so forth. Having nearly survived the difficult early period, we were recommended this book by our social worker as something of interest to parents in our situation.

I found this book to be okay: helpful on the diagnosis side, but not so helpful on the resolution side.

As with other books about parenting, it does to tend to present issues more in the light of nightmare scenarios (exaggerating what most parents encounter, which is not to say that some parents don't encounter situations just like those presented, of course).

It's nice that the book immeidately goes beyond the catch-all rubric of "attachment problems", a phrase that is uselessly vague and helplessly non-specific. Our son faced (and continues to face) a number of challenges that this book does help identify (sexual abuse, abandonment, language skills, etc.) and categorizing the different kinds of issues in their own framework is a huge benefit.

It then proceeds to give bullet-point ways to try and address the situations. This is not an entirely satisfactory. Instead of seeming surefooted, these come across more like folk remedies (with no measure of success, no case studies showing whether something is working or showing lack of progress as well). Some things just seem like they are thrown out because they worked for the author. For example, why is it that giving your child a massage is a constant suggestion? I mean, yes, by all means, use physical contact as appropriate, but really now... family foot massage time is such a specific recommendation. It seems like the suggestions could use more polish.

I found a lot of the suggestions to be rather indistinctly delivered as well. Having validated one's observations (or stirred one's fears) there is relatively little material on how to work on various problems.

I don't know how things will ultimately work out for our family, of course. I like to think that, for the most part, we have the issues under control and are creating a happy, safe environment for our son. This book in many ways recognizes the challenges this presents and is valuable in helping identify challenges that might otherwise go unnoticed. But it is not so helpful in resolving the problems. For that other books might be more suitable.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Helpful tips but lacks resolution, April 4, 2005

By 

Andrea V. Wan (Fairbanks, AK) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Parenting Your Adopted Older Child: How to Overcome the Unique Challenges and Raise a Happy and Healthy Child (Paperback)

The book is a good overview of the parenting challenges that characterize the adoption of older children. The challenges are well, though briefly, defined and described. The challenges themselves are well-illustrated with vignettes of families.

What this book really lacks is resolution to the challenges identified. The vignettes each end with the intolerable situation that drives the family to seek help. They are followed by parenting tips for handling the situation, but without a second vignette showing how the family overcame the chanllenge the book feels depressing and the problems remain unresolved. The author, in not including a resolutions to the challenges identified, has missed a valuable opportunity to show the techniques she lists in action.

Nevertheless, this is a useful book and a good overview of the area. It would be a good introduction to the area, and a good complement to a more in-depth treatment such as Deborah Gray's Attaching in Adoption.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Food for thought, May 10, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Parenting Your Adopted Older Child: How to Overcome the Unique Challenges and Raise a Happy and Healthy Child (Paperback)

The book contained chapters dealing with a variety of issues involving older child adoption, including ADHD, FAS, RAD, self esteem, creating a family, and other issues. She offered suggestions and solutions about how to best deal with these behaviors.

My one complaint involves the scenarios she outlined to explain each point. In them, she never resolved the conflicts she creates. I would have liked to see how those solutions might fit those scenarios.

The book offered me much food for thought as I considered undertaking an older child adoption.