27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Connecting parents and children, March 29, 2005
This review is from: Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) (Paperback)
This book follows the methods described in Marshall Rosenberg's book about non-violent communication. I highly recommend this book for parents even if you have not yet read the Rosenberg book. The book is short (43 pages), yet it clearly describes the application of the non-violent communication technique to communicate, motivate and develop mutually empathic relationship with your child. It is a win-win relatiohship where the feelings and the needs of both the child and the adult are met without the use of the emotional blackmail of shame, guilt, blame or rewards. Inbal Kashtan described the communication method with lots of examples and exercises after each chapter so you can practice and reinforce the method. Incorporating this simple but powerful method of communciation between a child and a parent allows the child to develop self motivation, the ability to express feelings and needs and empthatically connect to self and others even in an emotionally charged environment. Its something we all strive for and special gift that you can give and share with your child.
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Communication that creates connection, June 25, 2006
This review is from: Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) (Paperback)
Would you count to three if your best friend didn't do what you asked? Ask the parent of any teenager if counting at them still works. In this powerful and practical little book, that every parent has time to read, Inbal Kashtan teaches us "another way" by brilliantly applying the practice of Nonviolent Communication to the everyday parenting struggles that tempt us to resort to coercion.
I recommend Parenting From Your Heart to all parents who are striving to move from parenting through coercion and fear to parenting through love and connection.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
not a plan if you have multiple kids or ever plan to send your children to school (or a job!), August 22, 2009
This review is from: Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) (Paperback)
I am all for increasing communication and understanding between myself and my kids, so I thought I'd check this book out. Ugh! This is fine if you want badly socialized kids who don't know how to function in society. But if you want your kids to be able to go to school (and understand that sometimes the answer is just "no,"), stay far away from the advice in this book.
The basic premise here is that the focus should be getting your child's needs met, and in any conflict the first objective is to discuss with your child the best way to accomplish this. This is fine for certain kinds of disputes, but the ones exemplified in this book are just insane. If your kid is being a bully at the park and refusing to let the other kids use the slide, you do not engage in a 10 minute dialogue about her need to monopolize the play equipment vs the needs of the other children. You explain that the equipment is there for everyone, and if she is unwilling to play by the rules of the park, you have to leave. If your kid is unwilling to sit down and eat the dinner you made, you don't offer to make a new dinner or allow the child to wander around the house with his food. Can you imagine how this would work with multiple children? I'm not offering to make a new dinner for each of my three kids!
Furthermore, the style of dialogue the author advocates is far beyond the intellectual grasp of 2 and 3 year old kids, who cannot possibly participate in an extended dialogue about why they should give their friend back the toy they have snatched. Since this is the age of the kids in several of the examples, this technique is just silly.
The fact is, in life, you don't always get your needs (and some of the things described here are not "needs" by any stretch) met before everyone elses. Kids who are raised according to this philosophy are going to have a heck of a time adjusting to a world with actual rules and expected codes of behavior.
I consider myself to be a fairly liberal, "crunchy" parent. But if every conflict with your child turns into a gigantic negotiation, your family is not going to be able to function. You might get away with it for a while if you have one child who is not in school, but add additional children and this will just turn into chaos. You are really not doing your children any favors by keeping them from understanding how the world words- sometimes there are rules, and sometimes you just don't get what you want.
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