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Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years Paperback – May 7, 2008


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Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years + The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family + Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 448 pages
  • Publisher: Harvard Common Press (May 7, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1558323260
  • ISBN-13: 978-1558323261
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.1 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #179,452 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child is a remarkably comprehensive and useful resource for both parents and practitioners. This book is a wise roadmap that anyone adopting internationally should have for easy reference. --Susan Soonkeum Cox, vice president, Holt International adoption agency

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child is a wonderful, thoughtful resource for adoptive parents. As both a therapist and a parent, Patty Cogen offers valuable, practical advice with hands-on suggestions and great tips. This is a book that will grow with you as you navigate your parenting journey. --Carrie Kitze, author of We See the Moon and I Don't Have Your Eyes

About the Author

Patty Cogen has a doctorate in education and a master's degree in clinical psychology and has taught in both universities and elementary schools. She leads First Year Home groups for adoptive families, and advises parents all over the United States about their internationally adopted children and lectures to organizations across the nation on adoption and child development. She lives with her husband and two children, one of whom was adopted from China.

More About the Author


Hi, I'm Patty Cogen, the author of Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child--from your first moments together through the teen years.

I grew up in Los Angeles and by the time I was 30 years old I had lived on the West, East and Gulf coasts. I ultimately moved back to the west coast where I met my husband, Larry. We started our family with Robin, a son. When he was four years old, Robin asked me to adopted a sister for him and eventually, we did adopted Sun-Jia, from China. Because of a series of adoption "miscarriages", our children are nine years apart. I often say I have two "only" children. We all live in Seattle, Washington.

Having one birthed and one adopted child has given me a unique perspective on mothering and child-rearing.
There was so much I wanted to put into my book, but the publisher said, "that's enough!" So more of my thoughts can be found on my website: www.pattycogenparenting.info

I know most people who pick up my book are going to be new or first time parents with young children, but I encourage you to read the book even if your children are older. I spent a lot of time developing the information about pre-teens and teens to help with those two challenging periods of parenting.

Teens have so much on their plates to begin with; and being adopted makes a life even more complicated. My daughter joined an Asian leadership group and was the only adopted teen, the only teen with white parents. Where does an internationally adopted teen really fit in? On the other hand, Sun-Jia was delighted to find other kids who didn't use napkins (not popular in China) and who loved noodles as much as she did.

I hope you find my book useful. I wrote it as if I were talking to you while we shared a pot of tea in your living room (or in my den). People who have read the book say the book sounds just like me, which is wonderful to hear.
If you have questions or topics you like more information on, e-mail me. I might just write a short essay and post it on my website as an answer.

Warm regards,
Patty

Customer Reviews

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Our son has been home 6 years now and I wish I would have read this book sooner.
MichFamily
It provides excellent insight into the world of an adopted child and gives very practical tools on how to help your little one adjust to a new culture and family.
Chocojo44
This is a fantastic book that I highly recommend to anyone considering international adoption.
Delana H. Stewart

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

29 of 29 people found the following review helpful By S. Mortinson on February 25, 2009
Format: Hardcover
We were required by our adoption agency to read several adoption related books. Unfortunately, this book was not on the list. We've had our little internationally adopted child home for two years now, and just recently had this book recommended to us. How I wish we had read it before we even brought her home!!!! This is a GREAT book that I would highly recommend to anyone who is considering adopting or already have their child home. This book is very easy to read and understand, really down to earth. If we had read the book earlier we would have recognized some issues in our child earlier that we could have worked on much sooner. We have three biological children, and now our one adopted child. Raising an internationally adopted child is far, far different than raising a bio child. This is a great book. I'm going to tell our adoption agency that they ought to put it on their required reading list!
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Life Is Good on June 13, 2008
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As a parent of an internationally adopted son, I have found this book very helpful in assessing behaviors witnessed in my son and getting to root causes to deal with them. The book also includes several games and strategies that foster attachment. Most importantly, it will help clarify your expectations regarding the parenting of internationally adopted children. This is a difficult adventure and you must always take time to relish the victories when they occur (such as when your child takes you by the hand to show you a toy for the first time).
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Toy on July 16, 2008
Format: Paperback
This book offers honest insights into the ebbs and flows of parenting your internationally adopted child while taking us inside the lives of families facing important decisions as parents.

The sections about teens are especially important in today's world of confusion about parenting the adolescent. Most touching to me is the respect the author shows for teens.

The book leaves the reader feeling supported, with a sense of warmth and hope that even when faced with the most challenging moments as a parent of a teen, there are proven ways to grow through them. Patty Cogen shares concrete methods to use as a parent.

This is an important book that would be useful for any parent of a child adopted from a foreign country. Clinicians interested in clear views about proactive and supportive parenting of children in general would be grateful to have this comprehensive, real-life guide close at hand.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By West Texas Angie on May 22, 2009
Format: Paperback
I'm typically not a fan of self-help or "the latest in research" types of books, so I was initially hesitant to buy this book. But I did buy it on strong recommendation from a friend. And I'm glad I did. Wow. As the parent of a 2 year old adopted daughter from China, I am amazed at how Patty Cogen explains behavior patterns of internationally adopted children as related to scientific research in child development and brain development. With each chapter, I feel as if Cogen is talking about my daughter and is talking to me about parenting practices that will work best with her. This is a must-read for all parents of internationally adopted children, whether those children are infants or teenagers.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Grateful mother on February 11, 2010
Format: Paperback
In eight years of raising an adopted daughter, we have read numerous books on the subject. None have been quite as helpful as Patty Cogen's Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child. Why? More than other resources, Cogen's book effectively pairs learned insights with immediately implementable strategies. Cogen's choice to profile the challenges and successes of five distinct adoptive families, weaving their examples throughout, adds to the book's readability. Readers learn that "a proactive approach, in which you are knowledgeable about your child's needs and are able to anticipate problems before they occur, keeps you ahead of, rather than behind, your child." For a parent, there is nothing more empowering than learning how to actively foster the positive emotional development of your child. And, if you have a blended family, like ours (with birthed and adopted children), Cogen's insights will sharpen your senses in a way that benefits the entire family. Whether a person preparing for the journey of adoption or a parent in search of answers, this book is an invaluable resource. It will surely find itself on the required reading list of enlightened adoption agencies.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By zhiraf on March 12, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
We have two daughters, ages 12 and 8, who have been home with us for just over 20 months. Prior to the adoption, we took some training to meet Hague requirements. After that we went on reading and learning because we wanted to have a broad understanding of the issues we might encounter and approaches that might be useful. I estimate that we have 20 well-worn books on our adoption bookshelf. All are excellent, but this one is the best.

Although the author clearly has therapeutic preferences, she isn't trying to convince us that she is RIGHT. She offers quite practical ideas to help parents to see concrete ways of building trust and attachment, for example, and for understanding our children's difficult behaviors.

I think this book should remove 'Internationally Adopted' from its title: it would benefit all parents!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Kris on June 26, 2010
Format: Paperback
We are 6 months home with our daughter that we adopted internationally. I was given this book as a gift during our wait to meet our daughter. During our adoption preparation, I had the opportunity to read many books on adoption and attachment, but this is HANDS DOWN THE BEST ONE I READ. Patty uses pratical examples to give a picture of what attachment issues look like to a parent. She also gives practical advice to address many of the issues we would face. We highlighted and tagged pages while we were waiting and it was so reassurring to know that we knew what to look for and how to respond when we saw these issues.

In the first few hours and days with our daughter, I referred back to the book many times and it gave me tools to get our first smile and our first snuggle. There is a touching the face game she suggests that worked on my daughter and the game was the first time she allowed Daddy to touch her! Amazing!! Our daughter still loves to play so many of the games today.

This book is such a good mix of psychology and practical application that it is still with us 6 months home. We used it as the book title says, from the first few moments we met her and continue to refer to it as new challenges arise. I can see this book is something I will keep for many years. I am so grateful to Patty for writing this book. I truly believe that it helped us be the most prepared we could be. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone. It is great as just a general parenting book as well - such insight into our children's brains. Priceless!!!
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