Customer Reviews

Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child: The Emotional Journey

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I'm so grateful for this book! As a mom of two 29-week preemies, born 26-months apart and with unique medical crises and challenges, it was hard to find the emotional support and empathy I so desperately needed. My friends who were parents had enjoyed easy pregnancies and full-term deliveries, and even my own mother, who had had seven children of her own, had only experienced the happiness of healthy term newborns. I had no allies in the high-tech world of neonatal medicine in which I had been unexpectedly and forcefully thrust. My babies were extremely small and medically fragile, and my postpartum body and postpartum heart were at odds with one another. Each of my premature babies required intensive medical intervention to survive - I wasn't sure I knew how to connect with a baby that would certainly spend months in the NICU and that my fears told me may never come home. This book gave me the ability to see myself, not only where I began when the pregnancy became vulnerable, but when delivery and the months and even the years unfolded afterwards. The personal accounts and the supporting text provided a mirror to my own emotions. The validation and solidarity I felt as I ravenously read through each chapter gave me renewed courage to take one more step as a preemie parent. My babies had been given top-notch medical care in the NICU, but I needed care as well. This book cared for and understood my sense of loss, my sense of guilt, my sense of wonderment at my tiny babies. This book truly buoyed my belief that I could be an effective and loving mother - something I had always wanted to be - even though the onset of my role as a mom was so different than I could have ever imagined. I discovered through the authors' well-researched contributions as well as the candid thoughts of parents quoted in the book that there's no wrong way to feel as you make your way through the maze of parenting a premature baby. There are, however, countless right ways to connect and share love and joy, even among the fear and worry. That's a message every parent of a preemie needs to hear, and this book shares the message like no other resource I've found. Thanks again to the authors for their labor of love.

A 902-page compendium of information, Parenting Your Premature Baby And Child: The Emotional Journey by developmental psychologist Deborah L. Davis and clinical psychologist Mara Tesler Stein addresses dealing with powerful and painful emotions associated with being the parent of a premature child, physical recovery from difficult childbirth, forming bonds with one's baby when it must be kept in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), dealing with the difficulties of discharge, homecoming, and settling in, observing one's child for evidence of disabilities and coping with them, and also, how to deal with the loss of a child. Parenting Your Premature Baby And Child presents the wisdom of experts in no-nonsense terms for lay people and parents. An extensive index allows for quick reference, in this well-rounded and thorough compendium of vital information.

Don't be daunted by the book's hefty size! This was without a doubt the most useful book of all that I referenced during our two months in the NICU. Other books explain all of the technology, procedures, etc., but this one covers the mental and emotional side of the NICU - handling the one-step-forward-two-steps-back preemie dance, grief at the premature birth experience, anxieties about care, worries for the future, feelings about separation and having others taking care of your child, and the hesitancy in parenting with so many barriers in the way. This book was invaulable during the hospital experience and has been such a help in the homecoming experience. Already I know that this will take us through the next few years, as it also covers topics regarding developmental issues and what to expect as our child grows. In addition to the advice in the book, there are quotes throughout from other preemie parents who have handled all of these issues. This was one book that didn't manage to have anything to scare us; rather it validated all of the feelings we've had. The health care professionals with whom we have shared this book were impressed and wanted their own copies! I can't recommend this book highly enough!

This is an excellent book, with information on the everything you could possibly ask about caring for your preemie, even if it weighs more than my preemie did at birth! Drs. Stein and Davis have spent hours interviewing families of preemies and the real-life illustrations are wonderful ways to make our issues seem real and manageable!

The premature birth of your child tosses you and your family into a whirlwind of emotions, where it seems you will never touch down. Preemie parents who have trekked this road before you can testify that the emotional journey of parenting a preemie can last the life time. This book is your guiding hand to the new land emotions and feelings that beset you in this remarkable experience.

You will find yourself referring back to it at each stage of your journey - from your time in the NICU, to coming home, seeking medical evaluations, and subsequent birthdays. An amazing 900 pages long (!) - it is chockful of helpful advice. Just look at a small sample of useful topics: Wanting to feel like a parent, meeting the challenges of breast-feeding in the NICU, the challenges of being informed, finding caregivers you can trust, the brain-behavior connection, balancing hopes and fears, and managing heightened vigilance. The authors thoughtful analysis and advice are backed by heart-felt quotes from experienced parents in the Preemie Child and Preemie-L support groups, which will surely touch your heart.

This is the most comprehensive resource on emotions related to parenting a preemie (or any child with special needs) that you will find. Highly recommended for anyone who loves a preemie.

Even for a seasoned neonatal nurse who now teaches about family centred developmentally supportive care this book offered insights. The authors are so respectful of the reader - they cover every possible related topic from every conceivable angle - what more is there left to say? An essential for every health professional working in this field.

This book is like no other preemie book out there, because it is about the emotional aspect of having and raising a preemie and it is told not only through the authors, but in the words of parents who have lived through this experience. I found it extremely valuable even though my preemies are now 12 years old. The book is over 900 pages but don't let that intimidate you, because you can't put it down once you start to read it and you can read it in chunks.

When you enter the world of the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), there are no words to describe the depth of sorrow, confusion and loneliness... until now. Mara and Debbie have written a compassionate, easy to read "road map" for parents who are beginning or who have been on the journey of prematurity. Every parent and doctor in every hospital NICU needs to have this book in their hands. Spiced with the voices of real parents, those who have "been there, done that," this book "speaks" to the heart, soul and mind of anyone who ends up taking the major detour -- bypassing the "well baby nursery" and ending up in this strange new world of the NICU. Filled with honesty, information and hope, it is an invaluable gift. I wish I would have had this six and a half years ago when my daughter spent 183 days in the NICU. Mara and Debbie find the words that so many parents lack... An empowering and compelling journal.

I am very glad that I found this book. When you have a premature baby, you feel so alone. The stories from other parents in this book helped me share my grief, even if it was with people that I had never met in a book.

... since this is the *definitive* book for people like me who've been through this life-changing experience. And as an avid reader who's already bought many other Preemie books, I sure don't say WOW lightly.

As other reviewers noted, I too wish I had come across this resource much much sooner. Our 30 week twins spent 8+ verrrrrry stressful weeks in the NICU. The months following their joyful homecoming was (and still is) constantly colored by awareness & vigilance re: issues related to their prematurity.

In particular, this book does a terrific job of validating & acknowledging a parent's feelings that only other families who've been through this journey are going to "get it". I felt like the book often like that song... somebody to lean on.