Customer Reviews

A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

5 star:		(46)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(59)

 

 

First of all, I'm ashamed that so many of the one-star reviewers here don't seem to have actually read the book, but instead are relying on hearsay and name calling. I've read the book extensively, and it's quite easy to condemn on its own merits.

The bottom line of what Nicolosi theorizes: We are gay because of a disruption in our relationship with our same-sex parent, which causes a gender dysphoria and incomplete sense of maleness/femaleness.

And this is garbage. Yes, one might say my relationship with my father was not as warm and close as with my mother, and I did indeed turn out gay. Yet in the very same household, my sister was openly combative with my mother from an extremely young age, and she is a raging heterosexual.

Furthermore, my best male friend has a father who rarely, if ever spoke at the home, and spent 45 weeks a year out on the road as a traveling salesman. This friend turned out heterosexual, and maintains an excellent relationship with his very smart, with-it wife.

I know of very few men, gay or straight, who have warm'n'cuddly relationships with their fathers. Of all my friends, the two who have always been closest with their dads are both -- wait for it -- gay themselves.

Nicolosi has developed all his techniques with that unique subset of gay people who are so mentally anguished at their homosexuality that they would do anything to "get over" it. These self-selected subjects are in absolutely no way representative as a sample of the larger gay population.

This is the main reason his work is utterly invalid as science. You cannot develop a psychological treatment for such an amorphous condition as homosexuality, and you can't claim success when the people who came to you desperate for a treatment claim to be cured! There's no "gay test," and many prominent ex-gays have reverted back to their true nature. If the poster boys (John Paulk) can't keep on the straight and narrow, wouldn't you think this is darned good evidence that the "cure" doesn't work?

Who's to say your willowy, feminine son is going to be gay, or your tool-wielding daughter is going to turn out a lesbian?

The sleazy video booths and rest stops of this nation are crawling with homosexual men who have gotten married, then freaked out when they realize they're never going to have any of the physical components that every human being needs. They then go out for no-strings, anonymous gay sex...and often end up bringing bugs back home to the unsuspecting wife.

I went through Nicolosi-style treatment myself, which resulted in a 3-year marriage to a woman whom I genuinely did love intellectually...but who did nothing for me on a deep emotional and physical level. Luckily for me, my absolute inability to satisfy her physical needs led her to leave me. Yes, it was the most difficult time in my life, far worse than acknowledging my own homosexuality as a teenager. But it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

You simply cannot imagine the feeling of being trapped in a sham marriage, especially when you actually have deep feelings for the woman you are binding to yourself.

Sorry, Mr. Nicolosi, but spending time playing football with your kid isn't going to help "fix" him. I skateboarded, rode BMX and climbed trees with the best of them when I was 7. Whatever caused it, it's still part of me, and this ridiculous "cure" isn't going to help.

Ten years ago, I adopted a little boy who had been abandoned and then abused in the foster care system. To be the kind of dad he needed, I had to do an enormous amount of research in parenting. Some of the things that we do to children "for their own good" are the psychological equivalent of dunking stools for witches. The polite word is "counter-productive."

So when a close friend of mine with two young sons asked me to read this book and let her know if I thought it useful, I actually had some experience -- but academic as well as hands-on -- against which to measure it. To be blunt, I found this book horrifying. Despite the author's pretentions of compassion, his attitudes seem to hark from the dark ages. What he writes in this book is fundamentally out of touch with modern mental health studies. It's worth noting that the Freud himself, once wrote to the mother of a homosexual that there was nothing wrong with her son, and that homosexuality is "no disgrace." Nicolosi apparently believes it is. So he apparently disregards Freud's opinion, and the opinions of the APA and everyone else who has done serious research into human sexual orientation.

Childhood is that time during which the child not only explores and discovers the world he lives in; it is also the time in which a child discovers himself and begins the tricky process of inventing his own identity. We know from dozens of studies that homosexuality occurs in the same percentage in all human populations, and even in animal populations as well. It is (apparently) a normal expression of human sexuality, with specific evolutionary value. Indeed, many cultures on this planet have recognzied and revered homosexuals as blessed.

In our society, however, we still carry the burden of inherited superstitions which have given us a subtext of shame about almost anything connected with sex. We pass this subtext onto our children and then wonder aloud what's wrong with the kids--why are there so many teen pregnancies, abandoned babies, STD's, and so on. And one of the sadder tragedies about how we treat our young people is that we deny them the opportunity to understand their own feelings in a caring and compassionate context; as a result, gay teens are afraid to talk to their parents, their counselors, their peers -- they pretend to be what they can't be and they suffer enormously. The level of suicide among gay teens is three times higher than that of heterosexual teens.

Now comes this book, a sucker punch for parents and teens alike, designed to increase the context of misunderstanding, confusion, denial, inhibition, frustration, and alienation. People who follow the advice in this book are going to wonder why their kids are so distant -- their kids haven't stopped being gay, they've just stopped trusting their parents.

Parents of teenage boys need to ask themselves if they are willing to accept a gay son? Many parents wonder why their adult children have so little to do with them, not realizing that it was their own implied disapproval that drove away their offspring.

It's profoundly important for parents to understand that you can't turn a gay child straight. But you can drive a gay teen away. You can even drive him to suicide by denying him your love, your understanding, and your compassion. This is a dangerous, deluded, and terribly misguided book. It's the kind of sexual propaganda that disrupts families.

There are many better books for parents about dealing with childrens' sexual issues. Please check them out.

This blurb says this book uses "clinical experience and professional research", but this book is based on nothing of the sort. It ignores mountains of actual research in favor of the author's unsubstantiated opinions. If you want to read the author's personal theories, by all means read this book, but be aware that it's just the opinions of one [...] with a political agenda, not the consensus of mental health professionals and researchers.

How very sad. This book does not rely on any scientific data and fundamentally ignores the spiritual aspects of the homosexual person's journey. "Preventing homosexuality" is as rediculous as preventing heterosexuality which might do humanity a great deal of good given the problems of reproductive irresponsibility in our world. My question is, what is the motivational forces for wanting to prevent or irradicate homosexuality in the first place? The "religious argument" is no long valid and the "natural law" and psychiatric arguments are also invalid. Listen, it boils down to an irrational fear for those who are not in touch with or are running from their own internalized homophobia. For the "true" heterosexual who is fearful of homosexuality or bisexuality - it simply challenges their ego and reinforces the fear that same gender attraction minimizes or threatens their sense of self (i.e. perceptions and beliefs about "manhood" or preoccupational concerns over genatalia. Many homophobic men are fearful of the possibility that same gender attraction may indeeed be arousing and for homophobic women it could very well be the same. The other piece here is that homophobic women and men dare not to yield to their desires and are rageful that others are not fearful and do explore and enjoy those natural aspects of their humanity. Then we have the factor where men do not and cannot fully connect with a women on an emotional level hence making men very vulnerable to sexual and emotional energy with other men. Men are NOT as threatened by women in this sexual and emotional dynamic although many would like to think this. The emotional, spiritual, and sexual dynamic between two humans of the same gender can be very powerful.

It is threatening to both homophobic men and women. Women want an emotional closeness from a man but this authentic connection can often only be from someone of the same gender. The problem is that men are conditioned to be competetive with each other and this dynamic can cloud the sexual connection as one man may be fearful of not being able to satisy another man physically or emotionally therfore feeling castrated. Unlike being with a woman, a man cannot escape the this powerul union with another man yet with a woman he does not have to compete nor does he need to REALLY gage whether or not he is uniting with a female counterpart. If the woman becomes pregnant then he has done his part. There is concrete proof that his manhood is intact and he has fulfilled his obligation as a procreater. Even if there is no furtilization he satisfied himself by releasing sexual tension and he will never truly know how or when he satisfied his female counterpart. His sexual drive overides the sexual experience although we would like to believe there was atrue and authentic connection. The reality is, apart from procreating, a man and woman will never fully connect although we are told by a rather insidious socio-religous construct, thanks to the PHILOSOPHY and not SPIRITUALITY of the Roman Church, that men and women complenent each other in their "opposites." Well, sounds "leathery and lacey" to me and that's fine, but on the other hand, let homosexual people find a deep and abiding connection in their "same-ness." Men do not and cannot fully connect with a woman the way he can with another man. However, we must remember that heterosexual union is valued for its gift of procreation - everything else is just a social construct to help men and women get along and keep order.

I do not advocate that heterosexuality or homosexuality is "better" than the other. I am saying that they both serve important functions on this planet and that they are both natural. Yes, one can procreate with the opposite gender but that is a biological function and while essential for our species, it does not make it totally compatable with the whole of humanity. Sexuality is more than a funtion for procreation. Sexuality is a profound expression of love, solidarity, creativity, and spirituality and not exclusively for heterosexual people. Lastly, for those who believe in a "conversion" from homosexuality to heterosexuality - nonsense! The reality is that the "convert" was not truly homosexual to begin with and may be a "latent heterosexual" (as opposed to a latent homosexual). There are also instances when someone CHOOSES to overtly be heterosexual and sells his/her soul to the "evils" of social oppression hence conforms to a heterosexist structure out of fear and need to be accepted and loved. The last possibility seems to have been the most widespread and the most insincere and damaging because one does not live the truth of one's life and that is totally antithetical to who we are called to be by our Loving Creator. Well, you know what they say about "good intentions!" Thanks for reading and I pray that we continue to EVOLVE the way we are meant to - in mind, body, heart and soul!

Do not perpetuate hate. It threatens the lives of our youth.
Our children cannot survive in world of hate.
Ask anyone who knows a gay teenager who has committed suicide.
This is very dangerous.

I found this author's perspective to be counter to research based information. Not only that, the author fails to recognize the importance of supporting a child's self-esteen, self-worth and self-concept in order to help one's child develop into a well-adjusted, resilient adult. This approach can be permanently damaging to the child, the parents and the family unit.

Another dangerous tome from someone that truly does not care for the health and well-being of your child. Only to spread mis-information and lies.
This book will only lead your child to experience greater levels of depression, anxiety and may increase his or her chances of attempting suicide.

"Preventing Homosexuality in Children" is the infamous Dr. Joseph Nicolosi tome. It gets three stars instead of two simply because it lays bare the homophobic mind. It's a sad book,because it leads parents down the guilt trip path should their children end up being gay anyhow (look at Phyllis Schlafly,Dick Cheney,Anita Bryant,Alan Keyes,all who have LGBT children) It's also about making sure children fit in with the "biological mandate" as Nicolosi calls it,and be perfect cookie-cutter children. There's irony in this... if one considers that the LGBT activist Harvey Milk played football in high school,and served in the Navy during the Korean War.

"Preventing" offers some basic advice-
1)Be strict with gender role stereotypes for boys. Be discouraging about femininity and womanliness. Treat femininity as inferior,yet expect them to be attracted to it later on. However,don't use strict gender stereotypes with girls,because it will turn them into lesbians.
2)Fathers should shower with their sons to reinforce masculinity.
3)Fathers are to alienate sons from their mothers. Nicolosi is quite openly envious about the fact that gay men seem to relate better to women than straight men do. A psychiatrist jealous of his hairdresser...

This book IS nauseating. Nicolosi is very insecure,since he's hung up on "traditional" gender roles,and the "traditional" family (both have changed over the centuries) It's very sad. Prevent "Preventing" from being on your book shelf!

The author keeps repeating the same stereotypes throughout the years. Here is his proof that your child might be becoming gay: he talks to his mother a lot, he shows emotions, he doesn't want to play with other boys, he is depressed and isolated, other kids tease him. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Then, he says if fathers play sports with their kids and take them out for ice cream and talk about male bonding issues, they will be fine. Come on, the kid will simply become a sports-loving gay guy.

This is harmful because it misguides parents. It gives them false hope, and the author has seemed to suggest in the past that he has alternate reasons for his "psychology." When I was a kid, my kindergarton teacher told my parents I was showing gay tendencies, and my parents went on a compaign to change me, like forcing me to play cowboys and indians for an hour. It was ridiculous. Ignore this book.

This book is based on, simply put, false understandings of sexuality and a misguided attempt to change certain inevitable qualities of peoples' identities (their sexual orientation). Not helpful for parents or anyone really.