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Parents Under Siege: Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem in Your Child's Life Paperback – September 1, 2002
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
�Anything can happen� is the candid warning of this book. ...
In the 10 percent of the cases where abuse and neglect are not involved in youth crime, the root causes are found in fragile kids (who are susceptible to negative influences), excess reliance on secret lives not perceived by parents and friends, and a peer who has taken the same path (youth violence almost always occurs in at least pairs). Certainly, part of the problem is the �toxic culture� that encourages youth violence.
The book provides a toolkit of 10 things to employ with your children.
(1) �You can never do just one thing� to make the situation better.
(2) �See the world through their eyes.�
(3) �Spiritual parenting� helps.
(4) Evaluate the cumulative risk your children are subject to.
(5) Understand that resilience varies by child.
(6) Create a map of your child�s perceptions of the world.
(7) Detect and measure how much social poisons are influencing your child�s perception of the future.
(8) Provide a social compass of character.
(9) Provide social support.
(10) Learn from other cultures. The book has a marvelous example of how Buddhists carefully extracted earthworms before building a new structure so that they would not be harmed.
Perhaps the most brilliant part of the book is the section on how to deal with an �impossible� child.Read more ›
I was STUNNED by how badly written this book was. ESPECIALLY as one of the authors is supposedly a department chairman at Cornell University! The same unimportant items are repeated over and over and over throughout this short (large type, few words on page) book. Paragraphs or sections start out describing something, get a third or halfway through the thought, then stop abruptly with the authors apparently forgetting to include the needed information to finish the paragraph or section.
The Columbine school shootings are mentioned repeatedly, for no particularly useful reason that I can see, other than to "cash in" on the incident. A single mention of this incident would have been far more than enough to make the few points they wanted to make about it.
A totally useless 8 page or so section, goes on to describe special needs of RICH(!) parents to deal with their children! Special care was taken to describe how wonderful the rich were who could save wealth (I would imagine that this is how the authors view themselves. WHAT was this doing in this book in the first place???). No such special section on child advice was included for either middle class, or poor parents. I found this section to be particularly insulting to just about everyone.
The authors in several places in the book say directly or indirectly how wonderful they are, or how wonderful their book is. This was galling and completely unneccessary.
While touting the book as offering detailed advice on child rearing, this is in essence an outright lie. The little advice they offer is so vague as to be virtually useless.Read more ›
For example, Garbarino suggests that parents show their "strength" by getting their children involved in lobbying efforts on behalf of gun control. This recommendation is unlikely to go over well with the more-than-half of all American households who own guns, and don't appreciate Garbarino's labelling them as aberrant. Many Americans are also unlikely to feel that abandoning the means of protecting their families constitutes a persuasive demonstration of "strength." Garbarino's position on guns flies in the face of a great deal of research, by scholars such as John Lott of Yale and Gary Kleck of Florida State, but he does not even attempt to engage that research, much less refute it.
Similarly, Garbarino apears to have taken Warren Farrell's sardonic advice to authors (pander to women at all costs) thoroughly to heart. He repeatedly gives mothers all possible benefit of the doubt, while coming down hard on fathers. Garbarino also fails to pay sufficient attention to the role that public schools' pathologies play in causing problems among children.
Having said that, this is a useful book with many important insights. What is unfortunate is that Garbarino's embrace of PC culture-war slogans will alienate many people who might benefit from other parts of his work.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
My biggest question is why is this book not a best seller? If there is any information out there that parents need most, this is it. Read morePublished on November 16, 2008 by Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT