Most Helpful Customer Reviews
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Fresh Perspective, January 19, 2002
This review is from: Parents Who Think Too Much: Why We Do It, How To Stop (Paperback)
This is not a parenting book, but more of an "anti-parenting book" book. The author is not going to tell you how to raise your kids - she is going to tell you to stop letting other authors tell you how to raise them. Cassidy tells the story of her own experiences with parenting theories and advice, as a mother and as a parenting magazine author. She analyzes the trends and history that make today's parents obsess over parenting. Cassidy's thesis is that over-consumption of expert advice coupled with geographical distance from and mistrust of one's own family make today's upper middle-class parents doubt and second-guess themselves until they're incapable of taking charge and giving their children the guidance and firmness they need. The immediacy of Cassidy's narrative style made this a very enjoyable book for me to read. I read it during my baby's first summer, when it opened my eyes to the value of occasionally leaving a baby alone to discover the world on her own, rather than constantly playing with her and talking to her. I'm glad I read it when I did; it has influenced the path I have taken. It encourages parents to lighten up, to trust themselves, to take the long view, and to enjoy their children while they can, since they won't be children for very long. It cautions against the intense focus on doing everything "right" that leads to parental burn-out, and can blind parents to the best moments of their children's childhood. Most of all, it reminds parents that there are other things in life besides one's children, and that it's okay to pursue them. Every parent should read this book.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Not what it claims to be, June 25, 2006
This review is from: Parents Who Think Too Much: Why We Do It, How To Stop (Paperback)
This book has some valid points about the way some parents raise their children, however, the solution it offers is not what it claims to be. It is, rather, a reaction to permissive parenting books and a return to raising kids the way Grandma used to do it. Her Grandma, I should say. It's not about doing things according to our instinct, but hers. It is nothing but the same old tired advice from the fifties- if you pick up your baby too much, the baby will become demanding. Tell your kids to leave you alone, etc. It sounds like the author was fed up with trying to be a better parent (and maybe she truly did try too hard at the expense of herself) but then has overcompensated and adopted the attitude of "I'm too busy to try to do a good job so I'll do whatever I want and my kids will turn out just fine." In spite of what she says, it does matter what you say to your kids, how you phrase it, and how you react to their feelings. But discipline is important, too. And you shouldn't drive yourself crazy worrying about every little thing you do. Every parent needs to find their own balance. This is just another parenting book, disguised as an anti-parenting book.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Does not live up to it's title, December 13, 2004
This review is from: Parents Who Think Too Much: Why We Do It, How To Stop (Paperback)
Like the previous reviewer, I found the book highly negative. I did not like it all, but let me start with what I did like. The author does makes a couple of good points about child centered parenting, and about parenting books that make you feel inadequate. The quote: "read enough and you begin to think there are lots of neat pathways to deal with bedtime, tantrums, homework, you name it. You begin to think there are one-size-fits-all answers to every childrearing query. When the one-size-fits-all answer doesn't fit you and your child, which it often doesn't, it's easy to worry what's wrong with me?" is spot on, as far as I am concerned. She bashes books like "How to talk so kids will listen", said that they do not really work anyway. My experience is different, I have learned a lot from those books, even though they are not perfect, I am glad that I can parent much more positively than my parents did, and some books and online communities have helped a lot with that. Cassidy, on the other hand, says: "The truth of the matter is, most of us are happy, productive, civilized human beings, and we got that way being raised more or less as our parents and grandparents were". I think this is the point were I disagree most with Cassidy. Even though she detests terms like 'parenting', she still thinks around those lines. She still says things like that you should determine what you want your child to be, and actively work on that. Parenting is not about making adults, children will grow up perfectly fine by themselves. Parenting is about living with children, and I know quite a lot of perfectly well adjusted adults who do not look back so happily on their childhood. She presents the book as an anti-parenting-book-book, but it really is just another parenting book with a lot of simple criticism about other books. Cassidy promotes authoritive parenting (you may occasionally spank your children, but you must also reason with them), something she got from a book herself. Not all parenting books are evil, appearantly, only the ones she does not like. I wholeheartedly recommend "Hold On To Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate instead of this book. It has sort of the same premise, namely: parenting is not a set of skills. It is also fairly negative about "today's children", and critical about child-centered parenting, but the authors explain the problem much better, much more eloquent, and with scientific backup.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
|
