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  • Paris
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on August 24, 2006
Something interesting I've been noticing is that many people (some of my friends included) are saying that they are surprised by how much they like Paris Hilton's new single. You shouldn't be. Someone with her infinite wealth can easily afford to hire the right team to make her album as addictive as possible. This is the same tactic that allowed Britney Spears to achieve huge success so quickly. She had powerhouse producers behind her to make her music extremely infectious, causing just about anybody who didn't know any better to think to themself, "Wow! This girl's a great artist!" No. There's a difference between being a great artist and someone with the right team of producers working on their side.

This music is addictive because of its simplicity. Simple tunes are easier to hum/sing/remember, which is very appealing to some people. They contain "safe" harmonic and melodic structures where scale degrees and chords proceed to predictable locations, which are very immediately pleasing to the ear, yet not very rewarding (especially in the long-run). Paris' music is just that: predictable melodic/hamonic structure, geared toward making people think that she is actually a surprisingly valid artist, when she's actually deceiving them so that she can gain even more fame and fortune. How predictable...like her music.

On top of it all, there's a magical device that the music industry has tried to keep hush-hush over the years, but is now becoming common knowledge to the public. Referred to by producing veteran, DJ Premiere, in the video that accomopanies Christina Aguilera's new Back to Basics album as "auto-tune", this aweful technology allows producers to adjust the pitch of someone's voice after it's been recorded. Wonderful. At least before, people with minimal talent had to re-record over and over until they got it right, hopefully learning a little bit about relative pitch in the process and forcing them to slowly learn how to sing in the process. Obviously, Paris has used this. Her "interpretation" of the melody in this song is so terrible that she obviously has had little or no vocal training, and thus, has no more of a concept of relative pitch than anybody else in the country.

Paris said in an on-set interview for her video that she does not want people to think that she is just making an album just to do it, but that she has dreamed of making one since she was very young. Well guess what, Paris? Just because you want to make an album doesn't mean you should. Leave that to the dedicated, intelligent musicians of substance like Sheryl Crow, U2, Alicia Keys, and OutKast. Go take some music theory courses and intensive voice lessons and study some of the music that came out before you were born. Read some good literature. Exercise your mind. Then maybe, even you can release a respectable album.
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on September 1, 2006
Ladies and Gents, if you're suffering from horrendous constipation, this trashy CD is the perfect remedy for your monstrous cramps! Just one listen, and you'll be bursting thru that bathroom door like there will be no tomorrow! Better than Ex-Lax! Highly recommended for senior citizens.
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on August 31, 2006
For the love of music, do yourself a favor and pass up on shelling out your dollars on Paris Hilton's self-titled album. A CD that has been in gestation for two years, "Paris" is a smoldering smorgasbord of embarrassing, gimmicky pop schlock that could not be more painful to listen to. Why is that? This chick has no talent.

Sure, some of the songs are mildly flirtatious and fun in the lyrical department, but even with an assortment of cream of the crop songwriters in the pop music scene Hilton cannot obscure the fact that she is nothing but a quick buck for a record company cashing in on her pointless fame. She can sing without her voice cracking, but she is definitely unworthy of even the D-list of pop vocalists, and her persona and style certainly don't boost her over the artistic threshold. She is to Gwen Stefani what Jessica Simpson is to Mariah Carey, only even worse; the poorest imitation.

The sole glimpse of talent on the record is on the egotistical "Fightin' Over Me," but only because Fat Joe and Jadakiss give it a much-needed facelift. Nevertheless, just like all the rest of the tracks, it is pure, unadulterated product. Hearing her whisper "that's hot" and namedropping hot shot producer Scott Storch under her breath at the beginning of the mind-numbing "Turn It Up" is even less of a pleasure.

Some of the beats on "Screwed" create a cool cadence, but no one has ever sounded less like they knew what they were singing about. Also, "Stars Are Blind"? "Stars Are Deaf" is more like it. Or at the very least, "Stars Are Bland," for never has their been a more bland pop single. Lastly, her cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" turns the classic into a lightweight roller disco confection, but she simply cannot deliver a decent voice and, most importantly, any grit or soul.

Do yourself a favor and refrain from buying "Paris." Don't support music that is 100% product and 0% genuine or a woman who inspires misogyny as she thrusts herself down the throats of Americans on a daily basis. For a pop album that actually sounds great in every aspect, opt instead for the latest releases from Madonna, Robbie Williams or any Kylie Minogue album this side of 2000.

Products like "Paris" are complete and utter atrocities, and spell death for art as we know it. Just wait - in late December you'll read the following obituary: "Art As We Know It passed away December 23, 2006 at 9:25 pm. It was 1097 years old. It passed away upon the realization that Paris Hilton's debut album was certified platinum."
0Comment| 41 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
It's pretty hard to write objectively when the subject is one of the most infamous figures in modern pop culture. Then again, sometimes you need a little nastiness to be really truthful.

And in this case, the subject is one of the most justifiably mocked albums of 2006 this far has been Paris Hilton's "Paris," a light-as-air album full of lightweight club beats and processed vocals. Given that all she ever sings about is how hot she is, it's kind of like listening to a sex robot.

The most prominent single is "Stars Are Blind," which probably has the best melody on the album. Of course, that's because it also blatantly imitates the reggae beats of "The Tide is High," the pop song by the quintessential blonde pop star. Although it's nearly impossible to imagine Hilton singing that "I'm not the kinda girl."

The album hits its nadir early on, with the appalling hip-hop song "Fighting Over Me." Jadakiss does most of the vocals. Hilton only sings the bridge -- and a narcissistic one it is too: "Everytime I step out the house they want to fight over me/Maybe cause I'm hot to death and I'm so so so SEX-EE!" she squeals, sounding delighted.

Things only get worse with the wispy club beats of songs like "Turn It Up," the meandering "I Want You" and the lackluster heavy beats of "Nothing in This World." There's a dabble in guitar pop, still heavily synthesized, before the style switches back to lightweight club pop. Unsurprisingly, it wraps up with a breathy cover of "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy."

Basically, there's not much to recommend this album, except to people who will listen to anything with a techno beat. It's generic musically, not really memorable in any way -- but its quality is brought even lower by appallingly narcissistic lyrics and terrible vocals.

And it's undeniable that Hilton's voice is a terrible one. She sings in a Betty Boop voice, which has been processed until it sounds robotic. But no amount of computer tweaking can hide the fact that she has zero vocal range, and even gets a little off-key. When she's coos "other half of my heartbeat," you can hear that she's straining to hold the note.

Don't expect the "music" to cover up the multitude of sins in Paris's voice or the songs written for her. The lightweight techno is just a predictable series of electrobeats; I doubt this took more than ten minutes to whip up. It's fairly pleasant in terms of catchiness, but it's also completely forgettable and gets annoying if you listen to it more than once.

Listening to "Paris" is like listening to a self-important sex robot rhapsodizing about her wares. Even as bubblegum music, this is appallingly empty and derivative.
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on September 5, 2006
The ultimate horror of the music industry inflicting a clueless, spoiled heiress of appallingly low moral character is that there will be genuinely talented singers and songwriters who will give up ever sharing their talent and insight with this world.
How can you keep struggling to be heard in a business that rewards such vapid mediocrity.

The last time I checked, Ms. Hilton's real talents can be best viewed in DVDs being sold down on Hollywood Boulevard.
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on September 4, 2006
Twenty years ago, 2 years before my birth, no label would have signed a "singer" like this. It is just trendy basically. It also shows you the horror that is the music buisness. Not only that they could sign a horrific atrocity like this, but that people are so desperate to make money that they would overlook talented unsigned bands for this trash. Now, I won't push the music I do love on you the reviewer, like most would (including myself) because no matter what you like, rock,jazz,blues, REAL rap, metal, folk, whatever. You will understand where I am coming from. Music is about passion and talent. The only thing paris has a passion for is money and her only talent is spending it. Don't support this. Support real music.
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on September 24, 2006
If you have enough money you can buy producers to correct your wretched voice and buy song writers to provide you with material. Paris is complete proof that if you have celebrity and money enough you can buy your way into pop stardom so long as you are a clueless, rich, reasonably attractive, oh so notorious party girl and heiress. The music isn't horrible, just soulless and vapid like almost all pop music made today. All the songs have something to do with Paris being "hot" or going after someone who's "hot" or her entering a party thusly making it "hot" as well. Yeesh. It's just that this waste of skin who has never contributed anything to the world except her narcissistic image and perhaps a few laughs at her expense has a successful album is incredibly annoying. Resources that should be given to people with actual talent, artists in other words, who have more than some childish dream to have an album are instead rerouted to this empty shell of a woman whose very presence on this earth and our collective consciousness typifies our love of shallow celebrity and surface over anything with substance. I can't blame the record company for backing her. They knew this bimbo would sell cds, but just look at her face, my god there is NOBODY home! Louis Armstrong the great jazz trumpeter once said there are two kinds of music in this world, good and bad. This doesn't even qualify as music, rather it is product, and wretched product at that. If you buy this album rather than steal it you should loose your right to vote and should perhaps be sterilized as well;-) Do something with your money that might actually bring some good into this world and pehaps reduce your own karmic debt as well. Give the money to charity, give it to the crazy homeless guy who lives in your park, give it to me. Paris doesn't need your money, she's worth 30+ million dollars. Dont' let her waste your time like she did mine in writing this stupid review. I feel dirty now.
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on May 27, 2007
If you're anything like me, every now and then you have one of those - I don't get it - moments. You know the ones I mean. In the midst of some routine activity you find yourself suddenly reflective. You think, "Gosh, I am so blessed. My life is rich with wonderful people I love and admire. I have meaningful work that provides an income and calls upon my innermost resources and desires. Each day offers opportunities to help others and be useful in the world. I am truly fortunate among men. Whatever did I do to deserve such happy circumstance?"

If you're anything like me, the very next thought you have after such an epiphany is - "What can I do to immediately neutralize this emotion the way Allied bombs neutralized Dresden?" What single act will most rapidly return my deep sarcasm, cynicism, and contempt for humanity, the "sweet spot" of my emotional landscape, the comfort zone of my discomfort? Fortunately for me, and others in my predicament, the CD "Paris" is available.

Like the soldiers in that WWI ditty, I too have seen Paris, but unlike them, I couldn't wait to get back to the farm. Indeed, it is not this CD itself that inspires despair, but its very existence. Actual musicians labor entire lives without ever managing to record a CD. The complete lack of talent exhibited so enthusiastically by Ms. Hilton would cause one to ask, "What then, was the motivation behind producing it?" This question has an easy answer that leads to a fascinating realization and a frightening villain. In order they are: 1.) There was a market for it, 2.) Our society has been reduced to the point where notoriety trumps value or even content, 3.) To be found in every mirror you pass.

Way back when there was a regular fixture on The Tonight Show called Monti Rock III. Monti Rock III was one of the very first people to be known for having no talent - that was his talent. The Gabor sisters pushed the envelope, although they did have some talent between them, and a genius for marrying money. These pioneers paved the way for Paris Hilton who is as perfect a hood ornament for our culture as you could ever hope to find. Though not ugly, she certainly is not a world-class beauty by any stretch of the imagination. Andy Warhol would have adored her superficiality, it trumps his, and he worked so hard at it. Frankly, they could have sold plenty of these CDs if the only sound on them was PH painting her nails.

So, the next time you're feeling smug about our culture and how sophisticated it is, compare the amount of ink PH gets with that of any three Noble Prize winners you can name.

That's done it - the euphoria is completely gone now. Cathedrals smolder in piles of rubble, Kurt Vonnegut trembles with terror in Slaughterhouse #5. The end isn't near, it's past.
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on October 10, 2006
miss independent get over being such a juvenile trouble maker and learn to accept the fact that people don't like your music. And you think you have comebacks your comments are pure smart a*s. Also C Isley do your own dirty work. Stop fighting other peoples battles and thats 2 against 1. You people don't know the meaning of fair play. Like what bothers you so much about people not liking a bunch of manufactured junk made by a waste of flesh like Paris Hilton? Like why don't you read IAmARevenants reviews his more independent than you are. He buys music that he wants to listen to not what the media wants him to buy. Continue doing what your doing if you wish but don't for a minute wonder why people are sending you bad comments. As for the album its worthless and anyone who gives it anything more than 1 star is the laughing stock of my life. It just shows you that you need no real talent to start a singing career today all you need is money. Thats all people care about today money money money. I miss the time when music was about lyrical abilities, meaningful topics, good singing, now it seems to be the exact opposite. Its actually kind of worrying the thought that there are enough plain stupid people to make people like this waste of space millionaires. All I see today is kids with their fancy ipods listening to this pop junk, back when I was a kid people would laugh at bull like this. Probably in another 50 years people will be so stupid that theyll buy a CD with people pooping for the whole thing. The world is quickly becoming so ridiculously stupid its beyond a joke. Also another thing for miss independent I think your doubly dumb for thinking record sales have anything to do with good music
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on September 7, 2006
This entire album sounds like Paris was listening to a couple of Madonna records, and decided that she would buy some talent (technology) and become Madonna. yeah Right!

This entire album is a sad sad excuse for music, and Paris only comes across as even more repulsive (if that were possible). She is NOT sexy, nor is she overly attractive, and purring over 12 tracks is not going to change that.
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