Customer Reviews

Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship

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As a Licensed Marriage and Familiy Therapist, I have found Hal and Sidra Stone's work to be the best model of understanding and working with couples that I have encountered. I am delighted to give this testimonial because their work has enriched my personal relationships as well as my work with couples. The Stones understand and convey to the reader the dynamics that create misunderstanding and pain in relationship, and give clear direction on how to create truly successful, soulful relationships. Couples love this non-pathological approach to understanding relationships. Hal and Sidra Stone go way beyond communication skills, helping couples to express their vulnerability in ways that lead to genuine empathy and intimacy. In addition, the descriptions of the energetic and non-verbal aspects of relationships help make sense of relationships in ways no other modality touches. This book is great for individuals, couples or therapists who want a fresh, brilliant new approach to making relationships work!

Partnering by Hal and Sidra Stone

Hal and Sidra Stone's new book Partnering suggests that vulnerability is the key to an intimate relationship. Being open and in touch with one's vulnerability is no easy task. This book, however, helps tremendously. It not only offers conceptual and spiritual guidance, but also has many practical suggestions, which are helpful on this journey. We have found this book to be helpful in guiding and solidifying our own relationship, and have also used it extensively with other couples. This new book is an important addition to the Stones' already substantial contribution to the journey of consciousness.

LeAnne Dougherty, LCSW, DSW Adjunct Pro. UT College of Social Work Private Practice

John H. Dougherty, Jr. M.D. Director, Cole Neuroscience Center Clinical Assistant Professor Medicine (Neurology) University of Tennessee Medical -Knoxville

Partnering requires relationship techniques that can be learned, it is not a theory or model it is a set of skills. Like any other skill, partnering also requires commitment if you are to learn it. And as with any skill it is best taught by those who have already learned that skill and have practiced it themselves. Hal and Sidra have certainly done that. `Partnering' A new kind of Relationship, does more than explain partnering. One of the many things I like about the book is the number of practical exercises that couples can use by themselves to develop their partnering skills, in particular the experience of linkage, openness, and intimacy plus of course the wonderful possibilities that open up to a couple when they use voice dialogue.  It is the only book I have read that can actually help a couple improve their relationship, working by themselves (and so many couples need that).  

I have studied and used the concepts developed by the Stones and described in "Partnering" for several years. If I had been taught these skills in my youth I may not have married my ex-wife, if we had still married I think we would still be married, and if the divorce still occurred it would have been a far healthier process. These concepts and tools are making a fundamental shift in my relationships and in my growth as a person. I will be using this model of self-understanding and relationships for the remainder of my life.

These concepts also provide tools for truly valuing diversity, putting yourself in the other persons shoes, and giving the space for others to be all that that they can be. These principles have profound leadership implications.

I'm working through PARTNERING, and it's awesome.

Hal & Sidra Stone's main premises are:

1. An individual is made up of several selves... primary selves and discarded selves.

2. We attract into our lives people who 'carry' our discarded selves.

3. We manifest different selves depending on context, and what self our partner is presenting to us.

4. These selves interact differently with each other.

5. Being aware of which self is communicating (in both you and your partner) clears the way for compassionate and unloaded commuication and loving.

6. Being presented with your discarded selves is a gift to allow you to reclaim them, and operate from a place they call 'the aware ego'.

7. Integrating these selves gives you balance, and allows harmonious relationship.

I wrote 'S' a long email last night, trying to offer her a glimpse of the turmoil within me. Parts of me reallllly love her and want her. Other 'selves' within me are irritated with her, angry with her.

I wanted her to see that this is NOT a simple, cut-and-dried case of 'we're not a good match'. Cos we ARE a good match. We've got powerful stuff to teach each other and learn from each other.

It's weird. I'm about a quarter of the way through the book, and it's like a weight has been lifted off me. I've been trying to be perfect for 'S'. And I've kind of expected and demanded that she be perfect for me.

Now, I'm sitting here feeling grateful to her for showing me the parts of myself that I need to get back in touch with. Cos those discarded selves she 'carries' are the bits I threw away through co-dependence and abuse as a child.

If you want to start cleaning up your relationship, I seriously recommend that you get this book.

After looking at several different relationship books and finding only the "same old thing", I was in awe when I picked up this one. I'm going through a divorce and this book really helped me to understand what went wrong in our relationship and what I need to pay attention to in my next relationship.

It has completely changed my outlook on relationships and makes me think about and understand my reactions to people and events within my previous relationships. I can not give this book enough praise! Thank you Hal & Sidra!!!!

Hal and Sidra Stone have produced one of the rare and valuable books that presents cutting edge ideas in a clear and straightforward manner. Readers of this book will gain understanding of the sources and solutions to many of the painful challenges in our relationships. This is not just another "he said, she said" communication book. Based on their own marriage and over 60 combined years of clinical practice, this book honors the role that relationship serves in helping each person achieve their highest potential and purpose on this earth. Particularly valuable are the practical excercises included throughout the book. This is indeed a "users manual" for healthly relationships! I highly recommend this book for both laypersons and clinical professionals.

I've found this new work to be invaluable in my medical practice. First, the book has been an informative and mind opening guide to relationships in their many forms and possibilities as I encounter them in an urban practice. Secondly, the accessible style and content has made it a resource for my patients who are desiring a deepening of their present relationship or those who are looking to move beyond past experiences to new life possibilities!

This is a book on how to make relationships work, in a practical and spiritual sense. It helps to understand how the dynamics work within a relation. It is good as it has direct applicability; you can start to use its teachings as you read.

Hal and Sidra Stone have produced one of the rare and valuable books that presents cutting edge ideas in a clear and straightforward manner. Readers of this book will gain understanding of the sources and solutions to many of the painful challenges in our relationships. This is not just another "he said, she said" communication book. Based on their own marriage and over 60 combined years of clinical practice, this book honors the role that relationship serves in helping each person achieve their highest potential and purpose on this earth. I highly recommend this book for both laypersons and clinical professionals.