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The Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American: Arming Yourself against Godless Liberals, Dirty Socialists, and Sexy Ideas Paperback – November 1, 2011

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Editorial Reviews

From the Author

Dear Founding Fathers,

I'm sorry.  We really messed up.  You guys worked so hard, pledging your sacred honor and all that to the cause of freedom.  You fought, thought, wrote, argued, compromised, designed, foresaw, sacrificed, hung in there, stuck to it until you'd done what you came together to do.  You found common ground and dug into it to build a strong foundation for America.  All this, you managed while wearing periwigs and painful shoes, as the teeth rotted in your wisdom-filled heads.  And what did we do?  Instead of using our best tools and materials and workers to complete the structure, we turned the deed over oligarchs and plutocrats and big corporations.  We sat around and watched TV and read the purple section of USA Today while USA Yesterday disappeared in a cloud of exhaust and a flurry of Facebook status updates.  We were distracted by every shiny object and new gadget and ad gimmick and gewgaw that paraded past our stupefied faces.  We got fat and lazy and slow.  In short, we sucked.

We still suck.  But as least we have this book, which can save us all, if only by reminding us that it's funny to suck as totally as we do.  We must laugh, or we'd all just go jump off a bridge.  Knowing us, we'd screw that up, too.

Sorry.

-Roland Boyle
aka The Tea Bastard

PS:  I wrote the book in Kansas, but also in English.  My deadline was way before a lot of recent events took place.  Herman Cain and Rick Perry were months from jumping into the presidential race.  The Occupy Wall Street protests had yet to hit the streets.  And Glenn Beck's new TV network was just a gleam in his teary eye.  It was a simpler, more innocent time.  I've tried to add some additional stuff for the Kindle version, but my publisher said, "Stop writing and start promoting."

By the way, the page count is not 272.  I don't know where that number came from.  It's 258, including an index that I tried to make as funny as an index can be.

I've now done several radio interviews to promote The Tea Party Guide, and one question everyone has is, "What's with all the sex in the book?"  I don't know.  I was raised by ministers in a small, conservative town where, if you so much as breathed a word about sex, they'd bleach your lungs.  Apparently I have some issues.  It's not a book to leave sitting around for the kids to pick up and peruse.  They'll be scarred for life.

But aren't we all?  Aren't we all just trying to heal ourselves?  And isn't laughter reputed to be, medicinally speaking, the best thing for that?  Laughter, and maybe some sex? OK then.

About the Author

Roland Boyle, known in impolite circles as the Tea Bastard, was born in the back seat of a bald eagle on the fourth of July in the middle of a firing range, raised by missionaries, and educated on the mean streets of Independence, Missouri. As the creator of teabastard.com, he crisscrossed the broad face of this great land, researching the new conservative movement, holding prayer meetings in public buildings, and drinking heavily. This book is the result.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks; Original edition (November 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1402262698
  • ISBN-13: 978-1402262692
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5 x 7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,162,948 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Dugcheesi on November 20, 2011
Format: Paperback
Regardless of your political leanings, the humor contained within this book is undeniable. I found myself on a personal journey from joyful insight to personal animus. I am constantly overwhelmed by the creativity of others and this book does not disappoint. Mark Twain said that laughter is our best weapon. There is no doubt that Roland Boyle is armed to the teeth. I can only imagine the profound revelations that would come from a personal `Beer Summit' with the author. I look forward to the next installation of his political musings.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By sotto voce on March 21, 2012
Format: Paperback
Armed now by Mr. Boyle's crafty and witty guide, I will am prepared to face the "Wrongs" and attempt an intervention that will turn 'em into "Rights".
This book should be right up Stephen Colbert's alley, with his "I Am America (and so can you)". I would like to an interview Mr. Boyle. This was my first Boyle book and hope there will be more in similar vein. Parody is a great way to make points with humor.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By djayt on November 26, 2011
Format: Paperback
Read this book before your next holiday gathering and you will be more than prepared to do one of the following things.

1. Say almost impossibly clever things back to that relative that just said something you can't believe humans in 2011 can actually say, much less humans in 2012. How do their minds form the words? It's amazing.

2. Sit there not saying anything clever because you have not had dessert yet and do not want to be kicked out. Because even though you know you're right, and now have some hilarious come-back material, pie is pie.

Either way, you'll be entertained and informed in that way that might not be 100% accurate, but makes you feel good about yourself. And you'll have pie coming which, as suggested earlier, is pie.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Beth Stopperan Bass on December 10, 2011
Format: Paperback
for a girl who doesn't quite understand how a bill is passed, this book blew my mind. funny, funny, funny--you don't have to understand how the government works. that's the beauty of it! thank you funny, clever, smarter than i am book writing guy for putting pen to paper. USA! USA! USA!
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