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225 of 236 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Not what I had hoped, February 27, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self (Hardcover)
I thought I was going to like both this memoir and its author, but I came away feeling ambivalent about both. (I read about Frances Kuffel in a magazine, and got the impression that her book would be well worth reading, but I did not find that to be the case.) What put me off the most about Passing for Thin was that, despite having once been fat herself, Kuffel seems devoid of empathy for those who are still fat. She refers to a woman in her OA program as a "fatty" and to her lover's obese son as "Dudley Dursley". (Harry Potter's cousin.) This might be an apt comparison in that Dudley Dursley is indeed obese, but he is also mean, petty and spoiled rotten, so it seems more than a little unkind of Kuffel to mention this particular fictional character when writing about her lover's son. Having lost half her weight, Kuffel now seems as contemptuous of the obese as the people who used to give her "appalled second glances" when she herself was obese. I was also put off by Kuffel's relentless narcissism. It's very peculiar that she would choose Janeane Garofalo as a role model, because as far as I can tell, these women have very little in common. Garofalo has been quoted as saying (about a time in her life when she lost a lot of weight in the hope that it would help her land more parts) she hates the vanity that goes with being thin. Kuffel, on the other hand, seems to embrace this kind of vanity, going on and on about various aspects of her appearance. (I watch What Not to Wear and buy fashion magazines from time to time, so the fact that even I was bored by the endless descriptions of Kuffel's various outfits is saying a lot.) It also doesn't seem to occur to Kuffel that, having been supported and encouraged by various OA members for quite some time, she ought to start thinking about supporting other members in return. It is only after her sponsor gently suggests that she should "pay attention to something besides what you look like" and recommends that she volunteers to sponsor someone, that she even considers doing so. And the woman Kuffel ends up sponsoring is chosen because she is "prettier" than all the other OA members in need of a sponsor. Where is it written that if you are the proud owner of a pretty face, you are by definition a fascinating creature and deserving of all the help you can get, whereas if you look like what Kuffel calls a "Drab", then you must surely be drab on the inside as well and not really worth helping? (Or at least, you can't expect someone who is "pretty" to help you.) I am also mystified as to why the book description compares Passing for Thin to Lucy Grealy's Autobiography of a Face. I read Autobiography of a Face several years ago, and it was, as I recall, a far better memoir than Passing for Thin. For starters, Grealy is nowhere near as self-absorbed as Kuffel, and her writing also flows better. Kuffel's writing style is not as consistent. Sometimes it is ornate to the point of becoming stilted, while other parts of her book read more like the kind of simplistic article you might find in a magazine like Cosmopolitan than like a memoir. (One example is the Planet of Fat/Planet of Girls metaphor, which becomes more tiresome with each passing chapter.) I really don't like book descriptions that try to attract potential readers by comparing the book in question to an already published and greatly acclaimed book. (It's like those annoying movie ads that say: "If you liked that movie, you'll love this movie!" By allowing whoever wrote the book description to compare Passing for Thin to Autobiography of a Face, Kuffel is in effect saying: "Hey, MY book is that great, too!") While I found Passing for Thin disappointing, I do admire Frances Kuffel for managing to lose weight without the aid of gastric bypass surgery, and despite having been obese for most of her life, and I find it touching and heartening that she was brave enough to put herself out there in terms of dating and romance, despite her insecurity and lack of experience.
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80 of 86 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
the vanity/selfishness thing, September 15, 2004
This review is from: Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self (Hardcover)
I agree with some of the other reviewers in that sometimes I didn't like Frances. Sometimes she is whiny and self-pitying. Sometimes I wanted to grab her and say "get over it, girl!" But I applaud her for such a raw, open accounting of herself and her journey. Weight loss is hard. Adjusting to the results of weight loss is harder.
I know, because I am in the middle of that journey myself. In the last 18 months I have lost 125 lbs, on my way to losing 175. To those who commented that it seemed like the book was written by two different women (Fat Frances and Thin Frances), I can say that weight loss *can* turn you into a different person inside as well. The way I relate to the world is completely different. My role, as I see it, and as others see it, is completely different. At age 33, that's going to cause some tension and some problems. I see tension and changes in some of my relationships. I'm trying to keep an eye on them and nurture them through the changes. So far I haven't lost any of them, but I could see it happening.
To those who said Frances became more selfish... it's true. I definitely find myself being more selfish. Why? Because I spent most of my childhood and early adulthood desperately trying to make people like me and "overcome" the fact that I was fat. Now it's time to do some things just for me, and just because I want to do them. Doesn't mean I'm becoming mean-spirited or self-involved, I'm just beginning to really love and value myself and recognize that sometimes I have to put myself first.
Her story was so compelling to me that it has inspired me to write my own. Might take a while (particularly since the story is not finished yet) but I think this aspect of weight loss desperately needs more attention. As others have said, the "how" of weight loss has been adequately covered, the "what" of weight loss hasn't. When I talk to friends and acquaintances about my experience, they're mildly curious about how I eat, but what causes them to really sit up and listen is when I talk about how it has changed (and continues to change) my life. I will probably talk about my struggles with discipline, and sticking to my eating plan amidst personal challenges, and how I was able to successfully make a change in my behaviors this time.
As for the vanity thing, you know what? I didn't think she was impossibly vain. I completely related to her... for someone who has never been able to shop in a "normal" store, the idea that I could wear Dolce and Gabbana is a total thrill to me too (not that I can afford it!). Someone who has been able to wear all kinds of clothes all of their life can't possibly understand the thrill of being able to pull a wide variety of styles on and have them 1) fit and 2) flatter. If that's vain, so be it. Yes, I'm more obsessed with my body as a thin(ner) person now than I ever was as an obese person. I'm harder on it now. But I also appreciate it more now. I appreciate it for what it can *do* even more than how it *looks*. I got that out of Kuffel's book, too, more than I got "vanity." I imagine eventually I'll get over it and clothes will just be clothes again, but right now, they represent freedom!
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24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Leaving Planet Fat, February 3, 2004
This review is from: Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self (Hardcover)
I read Frances Kuffel's "Passing for Thin" with mixed emotions. As a person who has (and continues to) struggle with weight, body issues and weight loss, I could readily identify with many of the topics Kuffel writes about. For instance, she writes about needing to wear shorts underneath a denim dress to prevent chafing of her inner thighs in the summer...and of being refused entry to an amusement park ride - and the condescending remarks of pity offered by one woman afterwards as a sort of consolence...and of being hot and feeling in poor health all the time...so much of this a large reader can understand intimately. I also think she does a very good job of showing, early in the book, how family dynamics affect her weight gain...her family (and one brother, in particular), come across as very insensitive to her during her childhood. Yes, Frances Kuffel has spent much time on "Planet Fat" (her own descriptive phrase for what it's like living as a very fat person in this world) and she knows alot about the terrain, the rules and so forth. She also does a fine job showing how difficult it is to make the transition from "Planet Fat" to a normal life in a "normal" body after her loss of about 150 pounds. (Not just in terms of the physical weight loss...but how, mentally, emotionall and spiritually she had to adapt to a new way of living and being in the world after her huge weight loss). Despite all this, I did have some problems with the book. Kuffel's assessment of fat women (she devises her own system of grouping various "types" of fat women under such headings as the "Drab", the "Perfectionist", the "Orphan" and so on) leaves much to be desired in terms of actual respect (and insight, I felt) of women who live in a large body. Yes, I'm sure many women are just as Kuffel describes in her "types"...but surely there are also lots of fat women living lives of happiness too? Or is this too hard to imagine (much less give credence to) in the fat-phobic world we are All living in? I don't mind when Kuffel details the elements of her own self-loathing, but when she extends this to All fat people, women in particular, I feel uncomfortable. She was able to lose a huge amount of weight in a 12-step program (and more power to her) but such programs are not for everyone. I got a distinct feeling from her book that people who do not (or can not) lose weight in this way are somehow "in denial" about their weight problems (and addictions to food). Reading this book, I got the impression that my only option, in terms of living a normal, sane life with food would be to do as Kuffel did: join a heavily spiritual program and do their "diet" (weighing and measuring of certain foods on a very restricted food plan), otherwise I'd be forever on "Planet Fat" too. (Kuffel refers to the "barbituate" effect of certain kinds of food and explains that she could never eat such food again if she were to maintain her newly thin body). It is all well and good that Kuffel can do this. Many people either can not or do not want to. This does not mean we are "in denial" about our problems...or that we must forever hate ourselves as her book seems to suggest. I applaud her strength of will (and higher power) that brought her to this state and I'm glad she's written her story. It is, in many ways, very inspiring. I do feel she's left alot out, though. For instance, a more thorough, in-deph understanding of her self-loathing (aside from it mainly stemming from fat = bad) would have given her book a deeper perspective, I think. Reading this book, I find that Kuffel (both when she was fat and now that she is thin) does little to question many entrenched attitudes towards fat people. Maybe this book does not need to do that. For myself, it would have made her book much more insightful if she had done so.
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