What's Your Passion Signature?
People use five signature styles to express passion and seek fulfillment: the Lover, the Creator, the Warrior, the Visionary and the Prophet. These signatures have corresponding survival styles: the Vamp, the Martyr, the Conqueror, the Perfectionist and the Escapist. We'll be exploring these passion signatures individually in the next five chapters. Each has specific evolutionary gifts that are used to open to and reveal the love force within us, and each also has specific survival strategies that are used as closures, for self-protection. Most of us tend to flip back and forth between our more evolved, higher-minded, life-loving selves and our selves that seem to operate mostly through knee-jerk reactions provoked by fear. Unfortunately, responding in a habitual way usually appears to make perfect sense at the time.
On a good day, we're resilient, open-minded and able to cope emotionally with the challenges that life hands us. But on bad days, or in tough circumstances, watch out! Then we're up to our old tricks and games. Since the fearful self seems to sabotage every aspect of our daily lives, romances and career objectives—always in the same ways—we begin to cycle and recycle through similar events. Our higher natures can't win. Despite having incredible dreams, aspirations and potential, we keep stubbing our toes.
Every passion signature has its own way of using its life force, or energy. You cannot see energy, and you may not even believe it exists, but I am certain that you feel its impact around you every day. Emotion is catching. Emotion carries energy. If you've ever had bosses, friends, or loved ones spew anger on you, and suddenly you found yourself feeling resentful and anxious, then you have felt the impact of another person's energy. Similarly, if you've ever been in a room with someone having a great day, you may have walked away whistling a happy tune. Your energy also affects other people.
In relationships, energy is expressed and perceived in different ways. It can be sent and received through the words we use and our tone of voice. It can be sent and received through our body language. Often we reach out to other people using eye contact. This is not just looking at someone. You know the difference between having someone look at you with an invisible veneer over his eyes and no connection, and feeling someone reach out through his eyes to connect. If you pay attention, you'll begin to notice that sometimes the person pulls on you, or pushes into you, through the eyes.
Think of yourself as an old-fashioned switchboard with phone lines coming out of it. Most of the time you're all hooked up. You're plugged into the people you know around you and also those who are far away. Have you ever had a family member who was going to hell in a handbasket and it just wrecked you? That's a sign of an unhealthy hookup. A sign of a healthy hookup is when someone comes to mind and you feel stronger and lighter.
Perhaps the greatest power of relationships is that they can teach us where we need to improve how we use our own energy, as other people mirror for us our healthy and unhealthy qualities. Relationships help us develop awareness of our availability to exchange love and support as an equal. They also help us discover where we are giving ourselves away or leaching off others. As we practice taking good care of ourselves, the reflection we see gradually changes and we begin to sidestep old, unhealthy patterns.
When we are healthy and form healthy connections, our relationship energetics function optimally. We do not push or pull energy. We do not leak energy, like a cracked cup of water, but instead contain it. We are able to assert ourselves and we are able to receive. We are able to respond to our own needs with self-nurturing. As we expand into the promise of our passionate selves, we develop the ability to stand on our own. Like the sun, we radiate energy from our own central source and do not need to hook up with others to gain a sense of self. We are able to love and support others to the best of our ability without allowing them to drain us. We are able to exchange energy in a balanced flow. And if we catch ourselves misusing energy, we can correct the imbalance.
For information on the care and tending of your energy, including exercises about pushing, pulling, leaking and stagnant energy, visit the Web site www.thepassionprinciple.com/passiontools.
Understanding your passion signature is a shortcut to a happier, more successful and fulfilled life. How do you determine your passion signature? Look at both the loving, inspired patterns and the fear-based patterns in your life. These are your guideposts. . . .
Do you experience any unfulfilling patterns, such as the following, in your life? You want a new job, but end up staying in the old one because it's safe. You want love, but shrink from it when it stares you in the face. You are a gym rat who runs for the hills at the first sign of intimate connection. You are a spiritual seeker who can't pay your rent. You are a therapy junkie who stumbles endlessly over the same mental garbage. You have potential and dreams that never seem to come true. Oppositional patterns such as these are signs that, on some level, fears are running your life. You are locked in place.
So what's in your recycling bin? Let's start with a brief self-inventory.
What's Your Passion Signature? A Quiz
Please put a checkmark beside any items on the following five lists that apply to you. There are no right or wrong answers. Check as many items as fit, including those that are true only under certain circumstances along with those that seem very true all the time. People embody five common relationship patterns—often several in combination—and this quiz is designed to help you identify the ones that are most prevalent in your life.
Do You Embody Qualities of the Lover?
____ Your main focus in life is on your relationships. You may even have an insatiable sex drive.
____ You hate to be alone, yet you are frequently abandoned.
____ When you get in a romantic relationship you drop your friends and put your beloved at the center of your life.
____ You can't figure out why people say you are 'too needy' when all you're doing is trying to connect.
____ At work, you love to talk. You're always leaning over someone's cubicle wall or hanging around the water cooler. At night, you're on the phone with your friends until the wee hours.
____ Being financially provided for is an aphrodisiac.
____ You smoke cigarettes, do recreational drugs or drink alcohol in order to nurture yourself when the world isn't giving you what you need.
____ Others have accused you of flirting with or seducing their mates, when you were just being friendly.
____ You love receiving gifts because it makes you feel special.
____ When people tell you their personal stories, you get so excited that you jump in immediately with similar stories of your own. Be honest, you really like having the attention on you.
Do You Embody Qualities of the Creator?
____ You're the shoulder everyone cries on, the eternal 'nice guy.'
____ You often think about food and like to reward yourself with it after giving too much to others. After you put your kids to sleep (or finish your day), you often sit alone in front of the TV eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
____ You live in a messy house.
____ If you're single, you're always putting relationships off for fear that if you commit to one now you will be deprived of something else later on. If you're married, you feel crowded by your mate and claustrophobic, so much so that you've even lost your sex drive.
____ When you make a purchase you think about the money you're losing, rather than the value of what you're acquiring.
____ You have little time for yourself because you spend so much time taking care of everyone else's needs.
____ You have trouble with commitment. Whether it is making an appointment or agreeing to meet someone for dinner, you feel tied down, locked in and engulfed.
____ You're a phenomenal problem solver, communicator and mediator.
____ You are a bit of a couch potato and have a tendency to carry extra pounds around your midsection.
____ When you have an opportunity to choose between two good things, you get paralyzed with indecision because you get focused on what you'll be deprived of later if you choose one and not the other.
Do You Embody Qualities of the Warrior?
____ You are ambitious, self-motivated and generally work hard.
____ You spend so much time pushing toward your goals that you rarely have enough time to exercise or eat right. You can't remember when you had your last vacation.
____ You are a sports fanatic and love the adrenaline rush when your team wins. You are an outstanding competitor and like to win at all costs.
____ In the office, you have no time to socialize because you are determinedly moving toward your goals. You have little tolerance for small talk.
____ You've been accused of 'bulldozing' and 'dominating' people, but you're just trying to get to the finish line.
____ You always conquer your prey, whether that 'prey' is a romantic partner or a business deal.
____ People say you're strong, but inside you feel like a 'softie.' You wish you could trust someone enough to drop your guard.
____ You are driven by an internal code of honor. When you see an injustice, your blood pressure rises. You will fight for the underdog and any worthy cause.
____ You don't care what people think about you; you always do what you think you should do.
____ You are a bottom-line, brutally direct person, and your voice can sound like you're barking orders at people.
Do You Embody Qualities of the Visionary?
____ Your daily regimen often includes a visit to the gym, care...
