Customer Reviews

Pat Cooper How Dare You Say How Dare Me!

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This review is now posted for the second time (March 16, 2011). I guess the contents of the review and all the discussion that followed as a result of its original post was not what the authors expected. This just gives more credence to what is written and the power of Truth.

It is with mixed emotions that this review is posted. It is posted not from a need to prove or defend the truth but rather as an obligation to heighten the awareness of those readers who may innocently be unaware.

For many years Pat Cooper has used his family as a source of material for his act. It publically became acceptable for him in this context to embellish the truth as a source of entertainment for his audience. However, when one decides to write a memoir it is supposed to be an accurate account of life experiences. It is necessary that readers be made aware that throughout the book the author presents many misconceptions with respect to his earlier family relationships and experiences. As one who lived through many of the experiences, I would have to say that Pat Cooper's book, How Dare You Say How Dare Me, presents its readers with a perspective that is very much from the truth. Somehow in his memoir, Pat Cooper has chosen to eliminate some very significant events that should have been recounted in order for the reader to see what truly makes him "tick." The authors' use of sensationalism throughout the book is used as a tool to entice the reader's interest and curiosity. Perhaps the authors would like to add the following reflection as an epilogue to insure the memoir is presented with more accuracy.

It was truly an unfortunate experience that both my brother Michael and I lived through. The impact of the experience has affected each of our lives in different ways. Sometimes the true reason as to why things happen is clouded by what we imagine they could have been. Through the years, and by being a mother, I have come to the realization that it would be impossible for anyone to even begin to try to rationalize the cowardice actions of any man, under any circumstances, who could turn away from his biological children and then in turn adopt another. I have rather learned that it was necessary to alter my expectations in order to truly accept and understand the emotional limitations and hypocritical actions of this man. In the words of Martin Luther King; "the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Through the years, this man has consistently demonstrated that for whatever reason, he was only capable of achieving the emotional ability to stand as a dark shadow in our lives. I am sadly comforted in a sense to have come to accept that to have had a father who was filled with such anger and negative energy in my life would have probably been more toxic. It is ironic that through it all the one thing that we both learned from an absent father and a very present and loving mother and grandmother was the true blessings of a family. It is really a shame for him that he was not only unwilling to share in all our wonderful memories and accomplishments, but also missed out on all the genuine love that truly bonds OUR FAMILY together. These are things WE will always have, as they are TRUTHS within our heart. There is NOTHING that can take them away... not even the DECEPTIVE WORDS IN HIS BOOK. A person can only hide behind an image for so long. Eventually, in time, the truth somehow always manages to shine through. My brother Michael's book, Dear Pat Cooper, is the ONLY one that has helped to make that happen. I know... I was there, too!

So to the co-authors of this book and one of their uninformed wives,(who have since removed their own reviews in order to eliminate the TRUTHFUL AND UNFAVORABLE comments that followed) and to ANYONE else who feels compelled to conjecture on what they perceive as being truth, since you were NOT there you have no basis to offer any opinion. Your perceptions are clearly only based on the false image that Pat Cooper has portrayed to you through the years. Therefore, please do not be so bold as to make suggestions as to offering this man unconditional love. Sadly, the time for that has long passed and it was something Pat Cooper should have offered his children and family many years ago. No matter how loud he bellows trying to convince himself and the world otherwise... the truth is... HE NEVER TRIED TO BE OUR FATHER. He instead substituted by adopting another child and harbored resentment for those who tried to help him acknowledge his responsibilities as a father to his two biological children. I guess that was easier.... to be a coward and turn away. Perhaps maybe these actions were not totally generated by him but rather from the fear, possessiveness and insecurity harbored by his new wife and family. This is something I will neither ever know, nor does it have any significance in justifying any of his prior actions. However, there is one thing I do know and it is that; Children may not always remember what you said, but they will always remember the way you made them feel. The feelings that this man has left us with are not those of anger, but rather pity. It is so pitiful that Pat Cooper has invested so much energy in trying to blame others and make excuses for all of his poor choices, that sadly his entire life has passed by without knowing and experiencing the love of both his beautiful biological children and family. It is incomprehensible to even begin to imagine how a SON could lack compassion and refuse to reconcile with his own loving MOTHER. It is even more pitiful that his egocentrical personality has blinded him to be able to see or acknowledge that through the years it wasn't only all about him and his feelings. He sadly doesn't even realize that his constant "saga" of personal persecution which he continually reveals throughout the book consistently portrays him as an insensitive, selfish and lonely sole. It seems that Pat Cooper is always throwing a perpetual tantrum about things that didn't go his way. He appears to be a man who was never happy in either his personal or professional life. It is really quite sad that at this point in his life he still has a need to publically justify his actions and ridicule his family. Perhaps maybe he still yearns to somehow be connected and this is unfortunately the only way he knows how. I guess it is true that "nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man conscious of guilt". It's quite ironic that even though he dismissed himself from any part of my life, I still, in a sense; somehow feel sorry for the man. As I have said; I have learned to accept his emotional limitations, but realistically I will always be disheartened by all the anger and resentment he still possesses about two innocent children and a wonderful loving mother he never had the courage or took the time to know. I am thoroughly relieved that both my brother and I are VOID of this gene!!

In conclusion here are some final words for the man who fathered me and (oh...yes... I must not forget to acknowledge the one obligation that he actually fulfilled) .... to the man that paid the meager court ordered child support for me so many years ago...maybe you need to seriously reflect on these words from your book, "When I'm standing in front of a microphone, I may seem angry, but I'm not in a hate mode. I'm angry because of the sadness. There's so much of it, and most of it is what we do to each other. When I'm ranting and raving up there, I'm releasing sadness. I'm saying that if we talk about it--or yell about it--maybe we can turn that sadness into laughter." For years you have made others laugh, but to those like myself who know the truth, your memoir exposes the most significant tragedy of Pasquale Caputo's life which is that you still have not yet been able to release all the sadness that dwells inside your own heart. I truly hope that your personal torment will someday end and that you can face the truth to free yourself of all the anger and anxiety that has so totally consumed you for your entire life. It is only then that genuine love, happiness and laughter will find their way into your heart. It's not too late....you should try it....... it is a wonderful feeling... I've felt it for years!!!

Dear Pat Cooper,

- Congratulations on your book. Thanks for mentioning me a couple of times. Now I know we really are related even though you had a few inaccuracies and loveless things to say about our family.

- Overall the book is quite comical and I expected that. I particularly enjoyed the "back stories" and interactions you had with various legends in your business. They were awesome! What you said about some of them wasn't.

- When I was done reading your story I kinda felt sorry for you. Sorry because a memoir is supposed to be a cathartic experience. There is nothing in your book that even suggests that you've worked through your 'anger' and 'sour grapes' that you still have with our family and half the people in show business.

- With all that being said, the part that really saddened me the most was the fact that the closest you'll ever get to me is here on Amazon & Kindle right next to my book, "Dear Pat Cooper." Dear Pat Cooper: What happened to my father Pasquale Caputo?

- God Bless, :)
Michael Caputo, Pat Cooper's Son

..... Being that Pat Cooper is my Uncle, and I'm Gracie's (Pat's oldest sister) daughter, I felt the need to read his book, and post an honest review. I had been in touch with him for a good part of my adult life, went to see him whenever he was playing in my area, in spite of him not speaking to my mother (and I may add, she never did anything to deserve it, in fact she tried many times to talk sense into him).

..... Now let me digress. The last time I heard from him, was about 7 yrs ago. The reason he called me was that he wanted some copies of family photos for a book he was writing about his life and our family. He also said he was going to blast the family in it. He also told me that he would cut the faces of the family members out of the photos and use them in his book. In his recently published book there is a photo of him as a toddler with my mother and SHE has been cut out. I was so shocked when he revealed what he was going to do with the pictures if I had decided to give them to him. I could not betray my family so I declined. If he had called and requested them with a pure motive perhaps for his own personal use, I would have given them to him. After that, I never heard from him again.

.....So, I started reading his book a few weeks ago. From the first page I was appalled as the family I know and knew were not the same people depicted in his book. I can only speak about the parts about our wonderful family and the situations he describes may have happened, but some of the details are false and negatively embellished upon. I recall some of these "stories" from my mother Gracie who was his closest sister to him growing up. After reading the first couple of chapters, I had to consult with her about it and she confirmed what I already knew. The story about the Amateur Hour happened, but my Grandmother asked him to go with my mother to protect her, and he did end up singing and won. But his version says my Grandparents were there and were very angry he won and that is simply NOT true. He seems to have had a persecution complex and that he was always picked on by his parents. He in fact was known by his family as a lier and a story teller, and was always doing something for attention. My mother was always standing up for him because he was always getting beat up.

..... He portrays His Father, my Grandfather, as a foul mouthed man, but he was a very mild mannered man, quiet and reserved but loving and kind. My Grandmother was very outspoken ( the apple doesn't fall too far...) and had no problem speaking her mind, but had very little tolerance for injustice. She adored her family, was loyal, loving and very generous to a fault. Apparently he seems to be the only one who experienced negative things with OUR family, and no one else did. It has to make you think, doesn't it?? The anger and jealousy that he seems to have with other colleagues is exactly the same as he expresses toward his family. I think it speaks volumes, and shows why he wrote this book. As no family is perfect, I can speak from many years of being in our family that the family he speaks of in his book is just another FICTITIOUS STORY just like the family he portrayed on stage. That family didn't exsist, and neither did the family in his book.

..... I'm sorry Uncle Pat that you didn't want to experience all that we did, and you missed out on a lot, including a relationship with your sister Grace who has recently tried to contact you. It has been you who ALWAYS turned your back on her and the rest of the family including your blood children. So I decided to post this on the Anniversary of your Mother's death, 13 yrs ago.

..... THIS IS FOR YOU GRANDMA. WE ALL LOVE YOU, MISS YOU, AND MAY YOU FOREVER REST IN PEACE!

I grew up listening to Pat Cooper as a kid. Being Italian, both I and my family were fans. We related to much of what Cooper joked about in his routines. However, I thought that was just what they were... comedy routines. After reading this memoir I unfortunately have come to see otherwise. The memoir was not what I expected and was quite disappointing. Cooper in telling his story made me realize that after all these years he really wasn't just trying to be funny but he was actually mocking his family and heritage. I therefore found the memoir to be quite offensive on many levels.

It seems that Pat Cooper in his book relays the message that he was ashamed of where he came from and who his parents were. From the stories he tells it is apparent that he has lost sight of what family is about and sadly has no respect for his Italian heritage which he has "joked" about for years. Both of my parents were Italian immigrants who came over from Italy and worked very hard to succeed. My father was a tailor who worked long hours to support his family. I have only tremendous respect and love for the man for all he did for me and my sisters while growing up. I would never poke fun or think less of him for having the job he had or disrespect my mother for doing what she thought was best for our family.

The memoir also alludes to his failed first marriage. The manner in which Cooper recounts this relationship leaves readers doubtful in believing that he ever maintained a relationship or assumed any responsibility for the children he fathered in that marriage. As for the other stories about the many challenges he confronted while achieving success in the field of entertainment, although the comedian tries to make them amusing, they seem to lose their humor or significance when you truly read between the lines and come to recognize how and at what expense it may have been achieved. Some readers may consider the self- righteous tone in which Cooper tells his story to be entertaining but to those like me who believe in respect and loyalty for family, Cooper's memoir may have just crossed the line.

Pat's niece should move on and let the past be the past. Pat has. He regrets
losing his family, he says so many times in his memoir. As he says, "it's over".

After reading this book i wonder how Pat Cooper and his ego fit into one room. I grew up listening and watching Pat Cooper, i thought his routines were funny but always sensed a deep rooted anger, im hoping he is angry with himself, because he discarded the most important people in his life his Mother, his Sisters and his children. How does he justify talking to his children or his mother the way he did on Howard Stern's radio show, telling his daughter her mouth is why he didnt want anything to do with her...he left when she was 2 weeks old and maybe saw her 2 times afer that, i guess she must have gurgled too much as an infant. He talks alot about money, sad that he cares more about money then his own flesh and blood. I always thought i could relate to his stories about being raised in an italian house, the yelling, the food, the sometimes smacks, the silly things our parents said to us when they were angry...but to me this is all LOVE, its the way they knew how. Cooper made all his money talking about his family but wanted nothing to do with them, how very sad. He also blames his ex-wife for him having no relationship with his family.....at least he should be a man about this....if he was a real man noone and nothing could keep him from seeing his children. I know men who had ex-wives that despised them and gave them a hard time to see their children, but they spent thousands of dollars in lawyers and fought for years to see and spend time with their children and 30 years later they still have a great relationship with their children, no matter what their ex-wives tried (not that i believe his bs about his ex-wife trying to stop him from seeing his children). I read Michael Caputo's book Dear Pat Cooper, and thought i would give it a shot and read Cooper's side of the story...well to me he has no side its all ego, just alot of patting himself on the back and trashing not only his family but alot of other people. I have to agree with what others say, when he looks in the mirror he doesn't like what he sees, he is a poor excuse for a man, son and father. Sorry to say i hope his losses eat him up the rest of his life, he can adopt 100 kids and call himself grandpa to 100 more but he missed out on his blood, and someday he will have to answer for that. This book is an egofest for Cooper, a repeat of his comedy and although sometimes you get a chuckle from his stories its a waste of both time and money.

This post is being written 1/28/11. I hope that it is posted with the correct date this time. This is the THIRD time I took the trouble to place a negative review of this book on Amazon. The first two were taken off. One can only speculate why. Who would benefit from my one star rating being removed. Are the author and his cohorts controlling the rating of the book by making sure that any review that pulls the average number of stars down is removed? Not sure why but have called Amazon and they assure me they can't figure out why they were taken down and that it will not happen again.
I read his son's book so I thought it would be fair to seek out the other side of the story. That is really not what Pat Cooper's book addresses. It is hard to write about the indefensible way he treated his children I guess. This book is an ego fest by Cooper who attempts to impress us with all the famous people he knows. This is not impressive to me.
His recounting for us of his first sexual experience is something I could've lived without. It disgusted me and I wonder why the author thought he should share that in a book that could be read by his children and other family. It was sad to read about how jealous he was of his sister in his childhood. He says his sister was treated better than him. Maybe she was. i found his numerous judgements of just about everybody repugnant. Instead of wasting your time with this dribble, I suggest you read his son's book, Dear Pat Cooper by Michael Caputo. Follow this link to purchase it.Dear Pat Cooper: What happened to my father Pasquale Caputo?

I read Pat Cooper's book to be fair since I read Michael Caputo's book. Well let me tell you Mike's book was touching you could actually feel what he went through as a child straight through to adulthood having a father like Pat. Mike's book had feelings, a heart and soul it made me wish I had a Louise Caputo for a grandmother . Pat's book was missing something through the whole book ,the heart and soul was missing . An entire family could not have loved and worshiped Louise Caputo if everything Pat said was true. It is a shame Pat can't go back now and fix all tha damage he has done. Mr Cooper you are not a very smart man if you could have walked away from your son and daughter and your mother. You will have to be accountable for your actions at the pearly gates if you make it to the pearly gates

When I read Lenny Bruce's memoir, How to Talk Dirty and Influence People, I realized it was probably heavily fictionalized. Bruce would rather tell interesting stories than true ones. I get the same feeling with Pat Cooper's memoir: if I'd been part of his family during the times he describes, I'd probably cry BS. But Cooper's version of Cooper's life works to make us laugh, not write history in granite.

Born Pasquale Caputo, the son of Italian immigrants, Cooper was raised to join America's laboring ranks, but balked. He tried everything, from farming to military to cab driving, without success. He only flourished on stage, where demanding audiences tested his natural gift for patter, and like countless comics before him, he found one infinite comedic resource: his family. So he won millions of fans by alienating everyone he ever knew.

I don't often laugh out loud while reading, so when I say Cooper made me spray my beer, that ain't hay. His string of rip-roaring encounters highlight his persona as that guy who tells the truth, no matter who it hurts. This probably cost him star status, but has made him one of comedy's touchstones. And considering how often truths go unspoken, his uncensored honesty probably opened many important doors.

For a guy who spends so much time attacking, he seems awfully defensive in one area: his family. His long, steely discursions on his first wife and their kids don't match the rest of his tone. Everywhere else, he admits his own schmuckiness, but nothing is his fault where his first wife is concerned. This domain reinforces that this whole book is a Pat Cooper comedy routine, not objective history.

Cooper doesn't so much craft a cohesive biography as spin yarns, like your bar buddy swapping stories between arguments over whose turn it is to get another round. His whole book reads with the slap-on-the-arm, just-us-guys affability of a guy just telling war stories, not one recording truth for the ages. Read it for laughs, for his life and times in stand-up's golden age, and you'll come away the winner.

Memoirs can be either enlightening or stultifying, much depends on how the person of interest writes and shares the life that seems important enough to put before the public in book form. PAT COOPER: HOW DARE YOU SAY HOW DARE ME! has moments that may sustain a standup comedian, but this book is subtitled 'An Autobiography of a Life in Comedy' and is written by ('told to') Rich Herschlag and Steve Garrin and as an autobiography it is shaky. There are doubtless many readers who have followed the comic lines of Cooper and will find this book satisfying. But for this reader the mixture of too many photographs of the comedian along with a few photographs of some famous folk and the sadsack/badmouthing of the 'pilgrim's progress' of Pat Cooper just doesn't hold enough solid writing to read except in small doses.

Yes, it is impressive that he has worked with such comic giants as George Burns and Jackie Gleason, just as it is impressive that such contemporary comics such as Billy Crystal, Jerry Seinfeld, and Jason Alexander add their names in praise to the cover jacket. It may be a lack of appreciation for this kind of comedy (see Rodney Dangerfield) that prevents a wider audience appreciation of this book. For those for whom the raucous caustic humor is entertaining, read on. It is a short book.... Grady Harp, March 11