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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting Paperback – November 28, 2012


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Perigee Books (November 28, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399160280
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399160288
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (257 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,460 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Dr. Laura is always tuned in to what kids need so they can thrive, and what moms and dads need so they can parent well. If you want to feel more confident and peaceful as a parent, this is the book. Dr. Laura helps you understand what drives your child's behavior, and gives you the practical tools to change it." 
—Elizabeth Pantley, author of twelve parenting books including The No Cry Sleep Solution

“If you want to declare peace in your home, follow Dr. Laura Markham's original and authentic advice. With her emphasis on taking responsibility for our own emotional states as parents and connecting rather than controlling, Dr. Laura offers us suggestions that help us to create strong relationships with our children. If we all followed Dr. Laura's advice, we would indeed change the world."
—Peggy O'Mara, Founder of Mothering.com

“If you’re a parent who has been trying hard with your child, with mixed results, read this book. Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids can change your parenting life. Dr. Laura Markham shares an invaluable set of insights that are new to the world of parenting. She will show you how to deliver your love and guidance in a truly nurturing way, and how to avoid parental burn-out in the process.”
—Patty Wipfler, Founder of Hand-in-Hand.org

"The Aha! moment in Dr. Laura Markham's Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is that attachment isn't just for babies. Attachment provides the foundation for the growing child to learn emotional intelligence, empathy, and responsibility while he masters his environment. Dr. Laura teaches by example, holding parents with compassion as she gives them priceless, easy to use strategies to create a secure, healthy attachment with their child.”
—Lysa Parker & Barbara Nicholson, Founders of Attachment Parenting International, and authors of Attached at the Heart

"Dr. Laura shows parents how their empathy can wire their child's brain for emotional regulation and happiness -- and a brighter future for humanity. Her understanding and knowledge of the many challenges of raising loving, compassionate children gives parents powerful tools to be the best that they can be. A simple, yet revolutionary, message of love."
—Nancy Samalin, M.S, author of Loving Without Spoiling

Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids has two important ideas, and one revolutionary idea. Dr. Laura Markham’s guidance on fostering connection and coaching instead of controlling are the important ideas, and they can make a huge difference in your life as a parent.  Her explanation of why parents need to regulate ourselves first—before we can help regulate our children--is the revolutionary idea.  Read it and you’ll see why she calls her work ‘Aha! Parenting.’”    

—Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting



“Dr. Laura Markham's work is practical, easy-to-apply and transformative. Get a cup of coffee, find a comfy chair, and be prepared to get great advice from a wise, new friend and fellow parent.”
—Jacqueline Green, Host of the Great Parenting Show

“A much-needed resource for parents….encouragement and actionable, doable, advice for parents to strengthen their connection with their children, and take care of themselves. Clearly helps parents to see how what they are doing today impacts and influences what happens tomorrow, yet the tone is gentle and non-judgmental. Such a user-friendly format for (often) weary parents.”
—Lisa Sunbury, RegardingBaby.org

“Parents, this is the book we've all been waiting for. Dr. Laura Markham’s compassion, wisdom, common sense, love and understanding radiates in each carefully chosen word, example and suggestion throughout this well-written, easy-to-read, delicious book on peaceful parenting. From her chapter on effectively managing anger, ‘Listen to your anger, rather than act on it,’ to my favorite quote, ‘Your child is acting like a child because he is one,’ you’ll know you’ve found your parenting bible.  Thank you, Dr. Markham.”                                             

— Rev. Susan Nason, Parent Educator and Consultant

About the Author

Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist specializing in child development and parenting. The founder of AhaParenting.com, she supports parents every day in her private coaching practice and daily email inspirations. She lives in New York City with her husband and their two teenage children.

Customer Reviews

This book helped changed the way we parent our kids.
Christopher Filkins
I think that it will help a lot as I continue down this path of parenting two children, when there will inevitably be strong emotions in both kids.
Oregon Farm Mama
Let me just say, if you are struggling with yelling at your kids...get this book.
K. Delgado

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

216 of 224 people found the following review helpful By Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama on December 4, 2012
Format: Paperback
I am a gentle parent. I am a conscious parent. I put a lot of work into keeping calm when dealing with those tough parenting moments. I try to always hold the space for my daughter to simply "be" who she is in the every moment. But...

My default button is impatience and a penchant for raising my voice. *Sigh*

It takes a lot of work to keep myself in check as a peaceful, supportive parent. When I do veer of course, my daughter is sure to remind me of the error of my ways. For days on end. Days. On. End. Impatience and raising my voice does NOTHING to strengthen my relationship with my daughter.

I read and research. A lot. I have read all of the gentle parenting resources out there. I have taken a little of this and a little of that and tried to bring it together into a parenting style that works both for me and for my daughter. Yet, I still have not perfected the art of patient parenting.

I have been waiting anxiously for Dr. Laura Markham of Aha Parenting to write and release a book on peaceful parenting. I love her blog. I find myself nodding vigorously to every post she writes. Her words always give me pause. I digest them. I put them into action. And yet, I knew that she was holding back and had so much more to offer!

Enter Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.

This is THE book that was missing from my repertoire of gentle parenting resources. This is THE book that I read two times in a row while barely coming up for air. The is THE book that has actually showed me, in a palatable manner, how to be the patient, non-voice-raising mama I knew I could be.
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152 of 162 people found the following review helpful By Shannon on December 20, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
A childhood friend posted information on "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" on her Facebook page, and I finished reading it a couple of days ago. What I have learned from this book has already improved my relationship with my eight year old son. My son thanked me this morning for reading this book. He said I am turning into the mom he always wanted. "Even if it means you don't always get your way?" I asked. He replied, "It's easy to learn from my mistakes when you aren't yelling at me about them." I almost burst into tears. This book is amazing, and by reading it I showed him that it is never to late to change your ways.
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225 of 247 people found the following review helpful By Lisa on June 24, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I wanted to love this book but it's not for us. I think it might resonate really well with people into "attachment parenting" and think that should be mentioned in the description. It might fall short with some very strong willed children though, like mine. At least, that's what I found when I tried a few suggestions.

The positives of this book is that it does a good job of highlighting the need for the parent to calm down. There are good tips. It made an important point that other parenting books do not, such as, it's alright to take a moment (or 10!) to calm down before addressing the problem. Many other parenting books say you need to address the problem immediately so the child knows exactly why consequences are happening. It gives some good tips about knowing how your child reacts to certain situations and have the foresight to diffuse them before the problem occurs. It promotes empathy, which can only help your relationship. I found I already do a lot of empathizing with my child.

Where I have the problem is the constant "making light" of problems or trying to turn them into a game in order redirect the behavior. This might work with some kids but not mine. In one example, a child wants the parent to move from a particular spot on the couch and the parent is supposed to make fun and games with the child... but not move from the spot. That only works with my daughter to a point. She would not become distracted, she would play for a while but then become serious and reassert her laser beam focus. Another example is about spitting, instead of consequences for spitting in the house the solution was to take the child outside to make a game of spitting out there. Like, "Oh, haha, look I can spit further than you!
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128 of 141 people found the following review helpful By Oregon Farm Mama on January 21, 2013
Format: Paperback
As of the writing of this review, I have two children: a 3 year-old son and 4 month old daughter. I had the good fortune to "discover" Attachment Parenting before my son was born and have enjoyed raising him with physical and emotional closeness. But around the time that my second child was born, things got really hard. Developmentally, my son was hitting some challenging stuff, plus the stress of a new sibling, a mom recovering from a hard birth, and other stresses in our life that landed at the same time. He was having huge meltdowns several times a day that were really hard for me. Somehow I got the idea that the intensity of his emotions was abnormal or harmful. It seemed silly that he would wail about the most seemingly minor things. Consequently, my "instinct" was to try to "contain" his negative emotions or distract him somehow (or just STOP THE WAILING!). But, no surprise, it didn't work, and the more I tried ignoring or negating his tantrums, the worse they got (and the more disconnected we felt).

At this time, I checked out "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" from the library and started reading it. About halfway through the book, I got really angry and almost came on here to write a somewhat negative review before even finishing it. I was thinking, "hey -- I parent this way, and my kid is a mess. This doesn't work!" Fortunately, instead I kept reading and eventually came the realization that I was *NOT* empathizing with my son in his moments of hard emotions. Instead I would negate somehow (by ignoring or explicitly telling him to "stop crying") and/or give in to his stated desire (thus not maintaining important limits).
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More About the Author

Laura Markham is a psychologist turned parenting coach and author who advocates a relationship-based model of parenting. Markham's book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting promotes the idea of peaceful parenting, where the parent manages his or her own emotions, both to deal mindfully with a distressed child and to teach the child successful emotional regulation by modeling. She takes the controversial position that parents need to move "beyond discipline" because punishment erodes the parent child bond, instead focusing on "connection," setting limits with empathy, and "coaching for emotional intelligence" -- all of which helps children WANT to cooperate.

The founding editor of the extensive website AhaParenting.com, Dr. Laura sends a free coaching email three times weekly to over 60,000 parents. She makes frequent TV and radio appearances, serves as a parenting expert for Mothering.com, and has written hundreds of articles published on dozens of websites. Dr. Laura lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and two teenagers.

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