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Peacemaking Women: Biblical Hope for Resolving Conflict

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The moment I started reading this book, I got excited. For the first time, I found two women who struggled through some of the same seemingly hopeless situations with conflict resolution to find a deeper intimacy at the end of them. What surprised me is that most of the conflict that I was experiencing came from not realizing that I did not have to do "good works" to be accepted by Christ Jesus. They set me straight on His unfailing love - it was not going to go away when I had a bad day.
Another surprise awaited me as I read deeper into the book - many of my conflicts came because I was worshipping other things and not God. The authors call this an "idolatrous heart". Oh, now that sounded scary to this Christian God-fearing women! Not me? Frown. Oh, yes, me! I found that there are times when I worship my image of God, but not God Himself. When my expectations of God did not measure up I started getting angry and depressed - conflict. Throught reading this book, I learned how to recognize the things that had become idols in my heart and find true peace by turning back to worshipping the Lord. I can't say that it's been easy along the way. I stumble and fall. And still do! I even find that since I've been reading this book that conflicts seem to be on the increase. The good news is is that my perspective towards conflict has changed. I see it as a "revealer" of what is truly in my heart and a time to set my heart to finding His peace in each situation that arises. They have included at the end of each chapter some questions and additional Scriptures to flesh out. If you are like me - stumbling along in your relationships with others - than you might want to take the time to read this book. You will want to give it to all the women you know because it is as Ken Sande says in the intro- "Lifechanging." I also suggest that if you don't like to read, order their tapes and listen to them while you're driving in your car or doing dishes. Tara has a great sense of humor and is full of care for women! Which ever way you choose- you'll be on your way to establishing peace wherever you go.

This is a great book both for personal reading and growth and for a group study. It is very Biblical with most of the scripture written out (meaning that I actually get all of it read!) The questions at the end of each chapter are not superficial but force you to look into your own heart rather than just lightly answer a question.
There are many strengths to this book. It has two authors from different perspectives--a lawyer and a counselor. I'm sure it didn't make for an easy time in writing the book, but the outcome is probably much better than if either one individually had written it. Their open, vulnerable sharing throughout the book brings an honesty not often found in christian books. I found it quite refreshing. One of my serendipitous chapters was "Female Leaders with Powerful Personalities". I enjoyed reading that both from the perspective of someone with a strong personality AND from the perspective of a pastor's wife who has served in a variety of settings and seen more than one female leader who caused a lot of disruption in the church. I wish I had seen some of that information and perspective in writing long before now.
The heart of the book is dealing with God and who He is, our idolatrous hearts and biblical peacemaking (with one another). How it works out in suffering, romantic love, families, the Church,and dealing with personal shame, depression or fear. The book moves along pretty well without getting bogged down despite the heavy topics. The many personal illustrations, clear explanations, and different than usual ways of explaining some of the topics kept my attention well.
The final ingredient in the book that I found very helpful was the bibliography at the end of each chapter. I often find in books on a variety of topics that I would like to read a little more in certain areas but don't have any idea where to go. This was particularly helpful and I came across some unexpected authors.
You won't regret reading this book and will be glad you bought it because the concepts found in it are counter-intuitive. They won't come easily and you will need to refer back for help as you start to put them into practice.

Conflict is an inevitable fact of life, and while a small segment of people thrive on perpetuating it, others seek to avoid it at all costs. Neither extreme provides healthy, lasting relationships. The answer lies in resolving conflicts. Without the proper tools, however, this could lead to one side simply "giving in" only to harbor a resentment, keeping handy to use when the next conflict arises. PEACE MAKING WOMEN does an excellent and thorough job of providing not only the necessary tools but the Biblical rationale behind them as well.

God's senses of humor and irony are demonstrated as the authors confess the conflicts they faced while writing this book. Many will recognize this phenomenon that seems to happen whenever we start to teach on a certain topic. It seems that God allows us to experience the problem firsthand, which definitely lends authenticity to our work. Perhaps it is His gentle way of reminding us that He, not we, has all the answers.

In this case, the authors were able to demonstrate that the tools they were advocating really do work; that God's principles and truths are practical, useful and indispensable. Despite unrelenting pain and circumstances that threatened to scuttle the book and their friendship, God remained true. And, out of the ashes of their dead relationship, He brought new life. He created not only a better, stronger friendship but enhanced the lives of two individuals by filling them with love and grace based on the foundation of His love.

Tara Barthel and Judy Dabler describe how this incredible process begins with a peaceful relationship with God Himself. For many that will be a quantum leap that has never been taken. How does one presume to have a personal relationship with the awesome, omniscient Creator God? As in any relationship, you get to know Him. He reveals His character through His words, the words that are written down for all to study in the Bible. And, despite the seemingly complex nature of the Bible, it is simply captured in the greatest commandment of all: Love one another, even as I have loved you. Is there a more profound mantra anywhere?

PEACE MAKING WOMEN is not a little self-help book to be perused for quick fixes. Rather it is a key that allows you to enter a place where you can gather the tools you need to live a richer, more peaceful and fulfilled life. Just as peace is not merely the absence of war, a peace-filled life is not merely one with the absence of conflict. It is one filled with love, kindness, trust and compassion. What a wonderful Bible study it would make, complete with thought-provoking questions at the end of each segment.

(...)

When conflict arises, in our churches, our homes, the workplace -- you name it -- the ripple effects can be damaging, if not devastating. Or we can take a Biblical approach to the conflict, as discussed in Tara Klena Barthel and Judy Dabler's Peacemaking Women, and experience beautiful and redemptive relationships that are radically different from the worldly ways of gossip, spite, bitterness, and even hatred.

In this book, Tara and Judy offer a deep message of meaningful, lasting change to our conflicted relationships, so that we will become women of peace, living as real representatives of Christ to one another and to unbelievers.

Their advice is firmly rooted in Scripture, as well as providing sound, practical solutions for women who desire peace in their relationships with God, self, and others. And their personal stories and examples offer inspiration and connection that spur women on toward love and good deeds -- all, of course, bathed in the Gospel of Peace, which is our Lord Jesus Christ.

God has really used this book and its teaching (along with Bonhoeffer's Life Together) to change the way I view "doing Church."

We are all unfinished products in need of much sanctification. Tara and Judy have helped me to be reminded that the people with whom I am in conflict are also unfinished and need patience and love. God is a reconciling God - reconciling us to Himself through the blood of His Son and enabling us to be reconciled to one another - that is the gospel and it shines throughout the book. I appreciate the humility and openness with which the authors share their lives in the many different areas of conflict in which we find ourselves as well as the clear presentation of truth. There is a good review of the basic Peacemaking principles outlined in Ken Sande's book, The Peacemaker, and the ministry Peacemakers. I have given this book as a gift to several women, knowing that they would benefit from hearing and living out the truth. The questions for reflection are very helpful and cover the different lives that we live - single, married, young, older...

This is a great book if you're interested in learning more about biblical peacemaking, particulary for or with women. It's also a great resource for learning how to have better/more real/deeper relationships with and between women.

The book is well written and covers a number of important topics, but the simple conversational tone keeps the book from seeming boring or tedious. The authors' personal and real-life examples make the book a page-turner, quite an accomplishment for non-fiction!

Peacemaking Women by Tara Barthel and Judy Dabler is a gem of a book. I've read it three times now, and it's marked up and tabbed so that I can refer to it again and again. It lives up to its subtitle -- Biblical Hope for Resolving Conflict. While teaching us that conflict is an opportunity to grow in Christ, the authors constantly point the reader to the Gospel. The chapter on Idolatry is worth the price of the book!

Peacemaking Women is divided into helpful sections (Conflicts with God, Conflicts with Others, Conflict Within) and meaty chapters. The authors include helpful resources and questions for further thought at the end of each chapter. I've used this book in a small group study, and it works well that way. It offers helpful information and encouragement for married women, single women, older women, young women, mature believers, and new believers.

Peacemaking Women is not a book to be read quickly. Instead, read it thoughtfully and reflectively, treasuring its godly wisdom.

Tara and Judy's teaching rests on the gospel alone - because we are reconciled to God through Jesus Christ, we can also be reconciled to one another. The centrality of the gospel message is pervasive throughout the book, and is the foundation on which their teaching rests.

I especially appreciated their teaching on idolatry. How often today do we even hear about idolatry, or see it as the basis of our conflicted lives? And yet, this is what scripture teaches us (James 4).

Tara and Judy write with vulnerabiltiy and honesty as they readily share their personal experiences with conflict. In doing so, they remind us that they are real women with real relational problems. Their illustrations speak to us and offer us hope.

After reading this book, you will not want to just put it away. It will become a resource for you, as, with God's transforming power, you become a woman of peace.

Because of the hectic world we all live in, most of us are looking for ways to find Peace. She not only clarified the variety of issues that can cause everyday conflict, she outlined necessary steps to correct it... Our choice.

I appreciated the set of questions that followed each chapter, helping to guide you in your individual quest to apply the teachings to yourself.

I deeply appreciated her vunerability in sharing her own personal issues. It helped me to understand that I wasn't the only one going through that particular conflict.

I have been able to not only use this in my own personal life but to help other women develop these skills.

It is a book to be read again and again because of its relevancy. I am reading it for the third time and have discovered new teachings. It is a book worth having in a personal library.

Peacemaking Women: Biblical Hope for Resolving Conflict is a wonderful book. I was first introduced to it and the concepts behind it at a women's conference that Tara spoke at a few months ago in North Texas.

I think the aspect of conflict resolution that strikes me the most is the centrality of the Gospel. It runs through every aspect of true Biblical peacemaking and is prevelant throughout this book, even where not directly stated. Of course I shouldn't be surprised since Christ, our Mediator (2 Tim 2:5) and Lord reconciled us to the Father.

I really appreciate the real-life examples of conflict and resolution that are included. Conflict isn't something to be avoided or stuffed down (as I tend to do). Instead it is something to be approached boldly and yet with great love. The challenge, however, lies in actually doing so. Perhaps this is why I appreciate the true examples so much. I don't feel like I'm being preached at. Instead I feel as though the authors are sharing with me in the great struggle and adventure that they are advocating. They believe in these things (and we should too!) most of all because they are Biblical. But their knopwledge isn't limited to their cognitive processes. As is evident throughout the book, these ladies "know" what conflict resolution/peacemaking means in the same way the Hebrews would have expected. It is knowledge put in action by imperfect (ie "real") human beings who love the Lord God. By God's grace, I will be able to take the lessons I've "learned" from this book and demonstrate true knowledge.