Customer Reviews

A Pebble In His Shoe: The Diary Of A Straight Spouse

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This is truly a beautifully moving story of one woman's quest to understand and forgive her ex-husband's homosexuality. Dr. Francine Barbetta generously shares her inner most thoughts and events of her life through her diary revealing the devastation of an almost perfect marriage lost forever as her gay husband turned into a stranger she never knew. Dr. Barbetta has an impressive writing style that compels you to keep reading her story and makes you feel her emotional sense of loss. She also shares her journey of forgiveness and acceptance which began her healing process. I strongly recommend this book to any woman who finds herself in this situation as well as to any person who wants to gain a greater insight into straight/gay marriages. This book is definitely a winner! Congratulations to Dr. Barbetta!
Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed. [...]

I just loved this book. It grabs you on the first page and you literally can't put it down. It is a real life story of a woman's personal journey toward her own truth. As she comes to understand her husband's homosexuality, she is forced to face her own denial of that truth, face her fears and all the while help her husband through the same. I felt every emotion as she did as I read each page. I must admit, I don't love reading but this was truly a book I could not put down. I finished it in 24 hours. I highly recommend it.

Anger, sadness, fear, conflict, denial, loneliness, hurt, pain. Love, compassion, empathy, honesty, respect, strength, courage, forgiveness. A journal presented in narrative form, A Pebble In His Shoe embodies all of the above emotions and contradictions as Dr. Francine Barbetta deals with the reality that her loving husband is homosexual. We feel Francine's pain as well as that of her husband as they attempt to determine what is best for both of them. Those dealing with gender issues can easily identify with this true story. However, the story is poignant for a much wider audience. While it is a personal story, many of the underlying emotional issues are universal.
We follow Francine's journey as she courageously makes both immediate and long-term decisions in the midst of turmoil. She becomes empowered to do what is best for the family, work through her emotional struggle, and yet still love and forgive the man she married as she moves on without him. While her written story has a finite ending, Francine achieves an inner peace as she confidently begins the next chapter of her life.
Thank you, Francine, for the strength, confidence, hope and encouragement you have given so many others.

This book chronicles the disturbing and tragic course of events of a seriously messed up "no win" situation. Life becomes so complicated. As a reader, I feel I witnessed the emergence of a full-blown narcissist--the most difficult challenge for the best of therapists. The impact of this man's "journey" on his loving wife and their children is heartbreaking.

I applaud this author for her extraordinary honesty and courage in sharing this story without shame. Perhaps others will find this book a useful tool in coming to terms with similar complex life circumstances.

Francine Barbetta's book, A Pebble in His Shoe, is the moving story of one woman's struggle to come to peace with her husband's homosexuality. Through entries in her diary, she reveals the human emotions involved after learning that her perfect marriage had another side that was not so perfect. While Francine's and Frank's story deals with the impact of his gender orientation confusion on their lives, it also extends beyond this focal issue. Those who have dealt with a partner's addictions, who have had to cope with abusive behaviors in a partner, or who have had to face the need to move out of a relationship and confront the trauma of letting go of a dream will all identify with Francine's journey. What a gift she gives us in revealing her vulnerabilities and modeling her tremendous capacity for forgiveness. In a broader sense, A Pebble in His Shoe speaks to the devastating impact of social prejudice on the lives of innocent people - the gay partner, the straight spouse, and the children who love them and inevitably become caught in the middle of their struggles. I applaud Francine's courage in telling the truth about an issue that haunts many but is rarely recognized or understood in our culture. Congratulations, Francine, on making a difference.

I cannot say enough about how amazing this story is. It is a realistic story of love, not in the romantic sense, but in the most fundamental sense. Francine is a woman who truly displays, through word and action, the meaning of loving someone completely. The evolution her husband approaches is overwhelming, but she selflessly sacrifices her own needs, in the name of love, to see him through. Time after time she is placed in situations that only the strongest of people could tolerate. She approaches obstacles rationally and it is clear her background in psychology is not only something she preaches, but practices. I found myself sympathizing with each dilemma she faced and wondering, if I had been in her shoes, would I be able to handle such challenges as courageously and gracefully as Francine? Her repeated attempts to support and help her husband took my breath away.

This story, I hope, will someday reach millions of readers. It is an astonishing tale that I will never forget. At one part, I found myself wanting to actually reach out and touch the dollhouse Dr. Barbetta mentions Frank building as a way to convey my sympathy for him, a man who allowed overwhelming shame in who he was to place him in a tragic ongoing cycle of internal conflict. She offers example after example for how a person in such inner turmoil becomes lost and her understanding of the hopes, needs, and devotion for one's spouse is eloquently describe in the words of a wife while echoed by psychological reasoning. She references literature, studies, and statistics through her plight, yet still comes off amazingly human.

I found it most interesting that this heart-breaking story validated, over and over again, that unconditional love could never be enough to save someone if they cannot love their true self. This story also shows that money and possessions are not solutions for issues of the heart, nor do they excuse the upper classes from experiencing despair. I found Francine's attempts to honor her marriage while also attempting to help her husband accept his true self to be honest, courageous, and admirable. Her descriptions are so sincere and without fanciful embellishment, that I found myself wanting to reassure Frank that acceptance exists and with it comes peace.

My heart goes out to those who battle with imposing shame over whom they truly are and to the families that offer support for these intangible struggles loved ones will undoubtedly face until acceptance of homosexuality is a universal view. Confusion over one's identity is an unimaginable conflict to overcome and I believe Dr. Barbetta explained the many inconsistencies of loving a trouble mind masterfully, as only a spouse who has lived it and loved through it can.

This is a story about a remarkable woman who tried to save a hurting soul.