Customer Reviews

The Pecking Order: A Bold New Look at How Family and Society Determine Who We Become

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Dalton Conley presents a very interesting idea - that is, one's level of success relative to one's siblings is less the result of birth order or genetics (as is popularly believed) and more the result how much family resources (time, money, love) one receives while growing up. Along the way, he rescues the theory that parental influence is a factor, an idea that has recently been discounted.

Although his theories are interesting, the book does not do them justice. It is repetitive and, while there are many interesting profiles of siblings to illustrate Conley's premise, he does not seem to make use of all the text to give a solid foundation to his ideas. For example we learn of sisters with ineffectual parents who ended up supporting each other, financial and emotionally. After college, one went on to become a success while the other stuggled in many ways. After a page or two of reading their case we learn that one of the sisters suffered terrible injuries in an automobile accident and required two years to physically recover and more years to emotionally recover. When Conley states that it's impossible to speculate why one sister has done better the reader is incredulous - didn't he just say that one sister had catastrophic injuries? Might not that have something to do with it? It's an interesting story, but one that takes up space and is seemling unrelated to the thesis. The book is riddled with such time wasters added perhaps to flesh out meager content or study results.

Still, the book is intermittently interesting and if the reader is patient to work through the superfluous content, it could be an enjoyable and informative read. Those looking to cut to the chase about inter-familial class or economic differences would do well to look elsewhere.

This book was a very interesting read with a disappointing conclusion. Conley presents convincing evidence for which siblings succeed and why, but lacks an effective ending making the book feel incomplete. It is as if the author is afraid to make a solid statement about what his findings mean. Still, there is a lot of good information here and I would recommend it to anyone interested in this topic with the understanding that it isn't particularly well written.

You and your siblings probably grew up together in the same areas, attending relatively the same schools, with the same set of parents/step-parents/step-siblings, etc., and you both were set in probably a similar socioeconomic background for most of your lives before the age of 18. Yet you are very different people, with very different careers, experiences, higher education backgrounds, and families.

Why. Some researchers claim that birth order makes all the difference- others like to throw gender into the equation. Even others say that the ever mystifying gene pool is responsible for every difference between siblings.

In "The Pecking Order", Dalton Conley proposes a new idea; Not so much that one variable is responsible for all differences, but that many variables factor into siblings' different experiences growing up and make them the adults they grow to be. You say, this is common sense! Yes it is, and it's hard to believe it's taken this long for a researcher to propose that idea.

The extensive research of Conley and his team is manifested in this book. Conley explains the many different variables in detail and how they affect siblings- the gene pool, birth order, family size, gender, death, desertion, divorce, immigration, family migration, socioeconomic change, and random acts of kindness/cruelty performed by those not within the family circle.

The book not only contains the factual research of Conley's team but also the interviews and stories of sets of siblings from every background imaginable, and how their different experiences affected their outcome as an adult. The interviews add a level of the personal to the book, and they validate the authenticity of the research findings.

The information is impressive in and of itself, but Conley's writing style makes for a casual, one-on-one teacher to student type reading environment. He also includes an expansive, 100+ page assortment of his appendix, notes, sources, and index. These are very helpful if you'd like to dive more into the subject.

Conley also reminds us that how siblings turn out is truly subjective- to all of the reasons he lists as well as how people turn out in general.

Very well-written, very informative, and by the end you are examining yours and your siblings' childhood experiences in a new light.

JK

I loved the blurb on the cover and looked forward to reading this book. When Conley described how he wanted his book to be different from every other "birth order" book out there, and would use lots of statistical studies to back up his points, I was totally hooked!

Unfortunately the book just didn't amount to much. The author gives lots of anecdotes and statistics, but never manages to draw any conclusions more interesting than (1) only children and oldest children have the greatest chance for success (2) youngest children have the next greatest chance for success. Now, this is reasonably intriguing, but it only takes Conley a couple chapters to make this point. Beyond that, all the chapters are totally inconclusive. He deliberately includes an anecdote to show "a", followed by another anecdote showing "not a." After while this is pretty tiresome to read. I suppose if the reader had bought into every pop theory out there, Conley's book might serve as a good counterpoint, but otherwise it is disappointing.

I was inspired to read this book after a couple of friends of mine bought it and loved it. I wasn't sure what to expect, because I've always been a bit suspicious about the whole pop-psych birth-order thing. However, this book not only validated my suspicions about putting too much stock into that (Conley doesn't believe in birth-order theories, either), it also did a great job of addressing the myriad of factors that can (and do) affect sibling outcomes and family relationships. What I like best about the book is that it approaches such a complex topic without oversimplifying or dumbing things down. It does a great job of integrating sociological insights into real world phenomena (something that academic disciplines don't always do, unfortunately). Besides that, it's written engagingly-- Conley really knows how to hold his audience, and he strikes exactly the right balance between academic-speak and common sense. This book will make you think in new ways about why you and your siblings have turned out differently. Forget those simplistic, personality-based reasons you've been holding on to; there's way more to it than that!

I was disappointed in this book. The topic has probably been of interest to everyone at one point or another in their lives; who has not wondered at least once if they would be leading a different kind of life if they were the oldest, youngest, or only child?

While I appreciated the liveliness of the many examples used to illustrate the author's points, the luridness of some made it hard to take the evidence as anything but purely anecdotal. At times, it seemed like the author was rather too-eager explain how he arrived at his conclusions. There is nothing wrong with that necessarily, but I think most readers of psych books written for a general audience are willing to take more on faith than the author expected.

The most original point for me was the author's declaration that birth order didn't always mean that a child would go on to be a leader, a follower, a failure or whatever. Birth order does not necessarily predict a child's personality either. Instead, divorce, death, remarriage, economic background, helps determine how many resources a parent has to divide amongst his/her children. In fact, economic difference is often wider between adult siblings than it is between children from different families.

This book will probably hold your attention, but some readers may be left wanting more hard evidence and less anecdotes.

I can't say that this book doesn't have it's merits, because it does. The author is making a very good point that a lot of different factors lead to which siblings and why become more successful. (and as a side note that IS what this book is about. The title is a bit misleading. More than anything the author is concerned with which siblings succeed and which fail mostly in an economic sense. He does spend some time on more personal failures and success stories, but mostly he's concerned with "financial" success which gives this book a disappointingly narrow scope) The problem is...who doesn't already know that a myriad of factors shape personal development within a family? This book essentially drags on and on, presenting anecdote after anecdote of circumstances that alter siblings directions that could have easily been presented in list form in a simple pamphlet. It would have been one thing if the author would have provided more in depth research to back up his anecdotal interviews, but instead he normally just provides another anecdote as "evidence." The end result is a book of circumstantial circumstances that amounts to little more than what we already know: If you talk to a bunch of different families, they all turn out kids who run significantly different courses. All Conley does is present examples for what type of factors may or may not alter their course. And some of his examples are painfully obvious....like siblings who went to Vietnam who struggled after returning to the states. I think we're all aware of the struggles returning GI's encountered after Vietnam.

My biggest complaint with this book is I couldn't shake this feeling of smugness that was being presented by the author, that he had done all this research to refute birth order theory. I've never met the guy personally and it's silly to assume he's one way or another, but I felt like I was being lectured by a professor with a big ego throughout the book. When really his arguments, although delivered with intensity didn't carry much weight.

If you're looking for a birth order book I'd suggest looking else where. This book barely touches on birth order in the sense of personality development (which is what I believe most people are looking for when they pick up a book like this), and doesn't present much other than chaos theory when it comes to discussing "how family and society shape who we become." But for those who are looking to get something out of this book, let me tell you the two main things I will take away from this book (which is why I'll let it slide with 2 stars) The one main thing I did get out of this book is money makes a big difference because families with money have more resources to put into their families. No shocker there, but he makes some interesting points about the role money plays in sibling development that were worth reading. The second point is that birth order really doesn't make a difference in small families, but in big families birth order can make a big difference especially for the middle children who are squeezed for attention and resources. If either of those two points interest you....for a penny, this book might be worth picking up.

I had high hopes for this book, but it was a terrible disappointment. The author rambles on and on, citing different studies that do no more than state the obvious. I mean, everyone knows that children of parents with more resources have a better chance of success than children of parents that are struggling. I didn't need a book to point that one out. I really learned nothing new from this book, except that perhaps the author wanted to whine about his own childhood, especially in the last chapter.

Better than many "birth-order" books -- Conley doesn't claim to explain everything. But he still has a case to present, and this is a botched job.

The writing style will change twice within a single paragraph, from professional to personal, and back again. Anecdotal in the extreme, but the author cherry-picks statistics and selected studies when it suits his purpose (divorce is bad, but, hey, it can be great for some kids, maybe mine).

And in the rather absurd Marxist economic outlook, an anti-religion bent, a freeze-dried hippie longing for the 1960s, a surprising lack of focus on child gender, some easily discovered factual errors (Bill Clinton WAS NOT 12 when he met JFK), and the result reminds you of a rather longihs article in a supermarket checkout rack magazine.

The premise of this book really draws you in, especially if you've read anything on the subject of family dynamics and development. There are some very interesting observations on, and in some cases contradictions of, popular ideas. I definitely found myself considering my own childhood, and I can certainly see how this book would stir the mind of parents. Unfortunately, I was left wanting. There are very few actual conclusions made by the author despite the numerous anecdotes used to (supposedly) present his arguments.