Peer Marriage [Hardcover]

Pepper Schwartz (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 1994

The ideal of equality between men and women has been embraced by our legal system, our educational institutions, and in many of our workplaces. Now the ideal of equality is being sought on the most personal level of all, that of marriage itself. This best-selling author and sociologist demonstrates in this ground-breaking book, true equality is possible, but only by departing radically from traditional marital patterns, and by a willingness to accept some serious costs. The author describes the pitfalls and rewards of a marriage without a power hierarchy.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

This is a how-to book for couples seeking satisfying relationships based upon fairness, collaboration, and intense companionship. According to Schwartz (Women at Yale: Liberating a College Campus, LJ 8/71), the characteristics of a peer marriage include generally no more than a 40-60 percent split of traditional household and child care duties. In addition, each partner has equal influence in disputed decisions as well as equal control over family finances and discretionary funds; and each partner's labor is of equal worth. Schwartz argues that couples in a traditional marriage sacrifice elemental goals of intimacy, mutual respect, and deep friendship, goals that are better served by a peer marriage. This study draws in part on the same sample pool of couples used in her earlier book, American Couples (LJ 10/15/83). Because of its clear presentation and potentially wide audience, this is recommended for public and college libraries.
Scott Johnson, Meridian Community Coll. Lib., Miss.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

An illuminating examination of modern egalitarian marriage by a sociologist at the University of Washington in Seattle. Spurred on by insights gleaned during research on her first book (American Couples, with co-author Blumstein, not reviewed) as well as her own egalitarian marriage, Schwartz interviewed over 100 couples in search of the distinguishing characteristics, assets, and liabilities of traditional versus peer marriages. The latter is defined here as ``a collaboration of love and labor in order to produce profound intimacy and mutual respect.'' Such marriages are characterized, Schwartz says, by shared parenting and household duties, equal decision-making power, equal financial control, and equal work status. Not content to dismiss the traditional hierarchical arrangement of male provider/female caretaker on the basis of liberal politics alone, Schwartz demonstrates how the inherent imbalance of power in such marriages prohibits deep friendship and true partnership. She compares the traditional relationship between wife and husband to a friendship between an employee and boss, in which intimacy is limited by the power inherent in the work relationship; similarly the traditional husband's power, residing among other things in control of money, limits marital intimacy. While Schwartz's evidence indicates that the rewards of marriage between equals outweigh the risks, the costs are given full consideration here: Some couples complained of sex feeling incestuous because they were so close; career goals often had to take a backseat to accommodate the commitment to sharing family life; and there is little support from family, friends and society for rocking the boat. Although traditional husbands will probably balk at Schwartz's implication that men are more to blame than women in failing to achieve marital equality, any couple contemplating marriage or reevaluating an existing one will find powerful information and encouragement here for a true marriage of minds. -- Copyright ©1994, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 205 pages
• Publisher: Free Press; First Printing edition (June 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0029317150
• ISBN-13: 978-0029317150
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,224,024 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars very challenging, October 14, 2003

By 

Alaina Winters (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Peer Marriage (Paperback)

This book is one of my favorite ones. It's written in an accessible tone and has some ideas that challenged my, what I thought were, progressive views of marital relationships. I particularly found the examples of near peer relationships and the father as provider discussion enlightening. Although the other reviewer thought the book contained too much class bias, my personal experiences with this type of arrangement are from working class folks who elected to take jobs on different shifts so they could both work full time and share child-rearing responsibilities and a couple who chose to rough it out financially for a few years so the mom could get a degree in dental hygiene to increase the family money instead of focusing on the father as the provider. While the couples have had tough times working out their work/family situation, I am glad we have books like this that give us hope of creating a better family unit through principles and practices of equality instead of relying on the easier, more gender-stereotyped, traditional way of doing things.

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars POWER SHARING, November 14, 2001

By 

Brooser Bear (City of New York) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Peer Marriage (Hardcover)

This sociological study explores a marriage without a dominating partner where both spouses are best friends. True love. The main flaw is that it doesn't delve into how these people found each other. Beyond that it focuses on power sharing which comes down to sharing the household chores and working less hours for the husband. The question is, how many people out there can afford to work part time to in a quality relationship and still earn a full time income? It seems that peer marriage is an upper class phenomenon, but the author takes this bias for granted, nver mind that only 2% or so can and do engage in an arrangement of the type discussed in the book. This book would have been much more relevant if it analysed equality and friendship as it manifests itself in working and blue collar families who have to worry about bills and daycare and are not facing a danger of becoming an advertising executive at the peak of their career.